If you’re on a date and things take a sexy turn, you may ask the age-old question: your place or mine? This article explores which location works best in certain situations and how to suggest a change of venue without sounding too eager to get naked.
Make a Plan
People spend a lot of time planning the perfect date, thinking about what to wear, where to go, and what to do. It seems tedious, but planning pays off. Especially if, after the date, both parties decide they’d like to move things to a more comfortable (and private) venue.
Planning can help avoid disappointing goodbyes where you find yourselves standing at someone’s front door awkwardly, settling for a kiss on the cheek before sauntering off into the night.
When figuring out how post-date logistics will work, remember that they can be a little more complex than simply choosing a location. You must build each other’s trust, get comfortable, and ensure you both know you can adjust the plan or leave quickly.
Choose a Place for the Date
Pick a date location that’s easy to get to and preferably near one or both of your homes, so you have a place that’s easily accessible should things get steamy. If you live alone or in a place where privacy isn’t an issue, your place may be the ideal choice should you decide to take things further than a public venue will allow. By bringing someone to your place, you also have the opportunity to show them the real you in case you’re hoping for more than a one-night stand. Plus, being at your place allows you to control the environment more easily. You can talk to roommates, minimize distractions, and ensure yummy snacks are available.
If your place isn’t an option, make that known early and see if your date offers theirs as an alternative. If they do, great! If not, drop a few hints towards the end of the date and see where it leads. Just try not to be too pushy, as you don’t want to scare them away.
Choose a Meeting Spot
Once you’ve mapped out your date, choose a meeting spot that works for both of you. If you’re meeting in person for the first time, you may opt to meet at a bar or restaurant so everyone feels comfortable and safe. If you’re a little better acquainted and feel safe doing so, you could propose meeting up at your place to build trust should you return later for a nightcap. In addition to helping your date feel more comfortable returning for sex at the end of the night, meeting up at your place provides plenty of conversation starters when they see your passions and what you have on display.
Should you decide that meeting up at their place is a better option, grab a glass of wine or water before you leave, use the bathroom to freshen up, and compliment the other person’s home. While you’re there, take note of any conversation starters you see lying around.
Date Dos and Don’ts
While on the date, continue to build up a comfort level between the two of you. Remember, if you suggest continuing the date at someone’s house later, you must lay the groundwork. Some people are all about physical contact when getting to know another person, while others prefer to chat a bit first. Even if you’re both looking for casual sex, read their body language to determine which category they fall into so you don’t go too far too soon.
Ease Into Things
Once you sense the date portion of the evening is coming to an end, compliment your date and let them know you’re having a great time with them. This could help you lead into a comment about not wanting the night to end, then gently suggesting you move things somewhere a little more private. A simple statement like “I had a great time tonight, do you want to come (insert specific activity)” could be the thing that starts the most exciting part of the evening. You can also mention the proximity of your place, inserting the activity or something you’d like to show them, such as artwork, music albums, or other things. Finally, if you want to go the more straightforward route, you could let them know that you enjoy their company and want to spend a little more time together.
The Fun Begins
Once you arrive at your next venue, try to avoid discussing sex the second you walk through the front door. Instead, keep things casual with great conversation, and if you offered them a reason to come up to your place, stay true to your word. If you’re heading to their place, be enthusiastic about what they’re showing you. There’s no rush, even if you’re both looking for casual sex. Maintain self-control, find things you both enjoy and let the end of the night flow naturally. Respect the other person’s boundaries, and if they’re not ready to go all the way, respect that too. Building trust starts with awareness, understanding, and tact.
When the Hangout Ends
After spending time doing aftercare, you should both be aware that spending the night at another person’s place isn’t a guarantee, even if previously implied. Take time to politely communicate with the other person, stating your intentions and letting them know your end of the night’s needs and wants. Always be aware; if a person wants to leave, let them do so without pressure. If you had a great time, let them know, and tell them you want to hang out again. Becoming friends with benefits can take time, and building trust is an essential part of the equation.
Good luck!
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