When you live alone or with a chill roommate, your apartment is probably ‘comfortably messy’ most of the time. Unfortunately, even really tidy people don’t keep their space as clean as they’d like to present with a hot date coming over for the evening. Whether it’s homecooked meal night, Netflix & Chill, or hooking up after a night out, you probably don’t want your hot date to see a landscape of dirty socks and piled-up dishes.
Don’t worry. Everyone does the pre-date panic clean, so you’re not alone. In fact, your date may have done the exact same thing if you visited recently. But if you’ve got a moment to check your notes, we can help you clean your place up enough to impress. Or, at least, get it clean enough not to embarrass you when your date breezes through.
The 5-Minute Panic Clean
Your date is right outside. They’re about to come up the elevator, or maybe you’ve asked them to wait a moment before you answer the door. You have minutes – possibly seconds – to make your space presentable to someone you hope to see naked later. What do you do? Here’s the five-minute panic clean routine:
- Quickly gather and slam-dunk all dirty laundry into the hamper.
- Don’t have a hamper? Toss it into the washer or – worst case scenario -hide it in your closet.
- Stuff clean laundry into a dresser drawer, a laundry basket, or a clean space in your closet.
- Throw all dirty dishes into the dishwasher. You’ve never loaded the dishwasher so fast!
- Don’t stop to rinse; just fill.
- If you don’t have a dishwasher, lightning-stack everything in the sink by size and start filling it like you were “just about to wash those.”
- Soak a towel and scrub the kitchen and bathroom counters as quickly as possible.
- Don’t stop for the sponge. A wet towel will get more grit and spills fast when you’re in a hurry.
- Tidy Up Quick
- Put things at right angles, arrange the throw pillows, and make things look neat.
- Make your bed real fast. Just throw the blanket kinda neatly over the top and line up the pillows.
- Throw all your roommate’s stuff onto their bed and close the door.
Done and done. Now, it at least looks like you make an effort, and your date will know that you respect their opinion. Even if you only had a moment to prepare.
Stress-Cleaning to Impress
Stress cleaning is a magical mental state that is, for some of us, the only time we actually clean the whole house like it matters. There’s nothing quite like knowing your date will be coming over – even if they’ll only see your place for a few minutes – to inspire some serious deep cleaning. But it always helps to have a checklist when your brain is halfway focused on the awesome date you have planned.
- Do the Laundry and Dishes
- Instead of panic-hiding the mess, actually take the time to do the laundry and dishes.
- Gather all the stray laundry and sort that ish, then get loads running like you want to have clean clothes for days.
- Soak your dishes, load the dishwasher, and handwash whatever doesn’t fit. Get your cabinets looking right so that if your date goes for a glass of water or a bowl of chips, they’ll see nicely stacked dishware instead of a kitchen nightmare.
- Vacuum Everything
- No one wants their date to step over a crunchy carpet. Unearth the vacuum cleaner and get every corner. Vacuum the carpet, use the attachments on the couch, and even vacuum your curtains. Especially if you have a furry pet.
- Scrub the Bathroom and Kitchen
- The next thing that will betray you is crusties in the kitchen or bathroom. Scrub everything.
- In the kitchen, scrub your upper cabinets, backsplash, countertop, stove, and sink.
- In the bathroom, scrub the mirror, sink and counter, shower, and toilet.
- Then mop the ever-living ish out of both floors until they gleam.
- Get Your Bedroom Looking Right
- This is where the magic happens, so get it looking right.
- Make your bed.
- Arrange your closet so everything hangs neatly.
- Get everything off the floor.
- Organize your dresser, desk, and everything else so it’s decorative.
- Prepare the Couch for Snuggles
- Make sure your couch is clean and free of debris in case things get so hot you never make it to the bedroom. Once vacuumed, arrange any throw pillows or extra blankets you might have.
- Got Extra Time? Light Some Candles
- Need more to do? Try dusting and polishing every surface until it’s time to get dressed.
- If you finished this list and still have stress-cleaning time before your date, light some sexy scented candles to set the mood.
Setting a Sexy Scene
What if you have all day to get ready for your date? What if they might be staying the night? If you’re feeling amorous, the right answer might be to turn your stress-cleaning frenzy into a bit of scene-setting. Going all-out for a partner can show them that you’re serious about impressing them, which is important if you’re hoping for more than just a one-night stand.
- Dim the Lights
- Use lamps, candles, or smart lightbulbs to lower the lights and recreate your lightscape for a sultry vibe.
- Cover the Couch
- Cover the couch in a nice throw blanket or sheet, so it looks and feels more elegant.
- Hang New Curtains or “Curtains” Over Windows and Doorways
- Hang curtains (or dark-colored sheets) in a fancy way over your windows and open doorways so it feels like a fancy restaurant.
- Make It Smell Romantic
- Use air fresheners, incense, or simmer some sweet kitchen spices to make your apartment smell good.
- Light Candles Around the Room
- Flickering candlelight is always a good way to set the mood. Use whatever candles you have placed around the living room and dining area to impress your date.
- Prepare Their Favorite Snack
- For your final touch, have their favorite snack presented beautifully on the table, waiting for their arrival. Even if their favorite snack is a candy bar, the effort, thought, and presentation really matter. Not to mention, you’ll likely both be pretty hungry after all the sex.
Cleaning up your apartment before a date arrives is a great way to show that you care. You are willing to put in the effort to impress them, whether you had hours of stress-cleaning to prepare or just a few minutes of panicked tidying. You’ll know you’ve found someone special if they find a way to compliment your space and the effort it took to make them feel comfortable and appreciated when they visit. Good luck!
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