Whether you’re re-entering the dating game or expanding your adventurous horizons, we’re entering an era so full of choices that it can be overwhelming. The sexual revolution has become a grand celebration, and while there’s still a ways to go, society’s acceptance of an individual’s sexual freedom is progressing.
You have the freedom to be who you want to be.
So, now you must ask yourself: Who are you? What’s YOUR flavor of human? What do you want from a partner or a friend? It’s time to explore your options and get to know who you are and what you’re looking for.
The Differences Between Gender, Sex, and Sexuality
First, we should talk about the differences between our gender, our sex, and our sexuality.
Our gender is part of our identity. It’s who we are and has nothing to do with whom we have sex with or what we have in our pants. It’s about how we see ourselves and who we feel we are, whether male, female, nonbinary, etc.
Your genitalia does not establish your gender. Instead, your gender is who you are and who you have always been.
A person’s sex is their hormones, chromosomes, and physical genitalia. Some people consider male and female the only two sex options, but there’s more to the story than that. This theory leaves out those who are intersex or were born with a rare genetic disorder.
A person’s sexuality or sexual orientation is somewhat separate from their true gender and the current state of their genitalia. It’s all about what you feel is sexy about yourself and others. It’s about what turns you on. It’s about finding your place on the sexuality spectrum, even if it’s not permanent. Much like gender, sexuality can be fluid.
The Sexuality Spectrum
There is much more to the sexuality spectrum than being lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Many of us grew up believing that these were our only available options. Now, that seems so limiting. Our choices have grown immensely over the last few years. The following list is only a small sample of the options available:
- Asexual is an umbrella term that refers to people who either don’t feel a sexual attraction or romantic feelings for anyone or feel them infrequently when it does happen. This doesn’t mean they don’t have sex or romantic feelings; they just get something different from it if they choose to do the deed.
- Autosexual/Autoromantic are those who feel sexual and/or romantic feelings towards themselves. They could feel romantic/sexual about someone else, but that someone has to be very special. Many are happy with masturbation alone.
- Bicurious/ Biromantic refers to people interested in trying out sex, or romance, with someone of the same sex when they have had heterosexual relationships most of their lives. They still feel attraction towards the opposite sex but are simply curious about what bisexuality is all about.
- Demisexual/demiromantic people usually only feel romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone they already have a strong emotional and psychological bond with. Many times, someone who is demisexual may also fall on the asexual spectrum, at least until they make a connection.
- Pansexual/omnisexuals don’t care what sex organs you were born with or what your true gender is. They can fall in love or lust with anyone, regardless of these factors. They love the person, and they don’t care about anything else. People are people, and love is love.
- Sapiosexuality refers to someone who feels attracted to nonbinary people specifically. They aren’t usually attracted to cisgender people who follow gender norms.
- Spectrasexual is a label for people who are open to adventures with many different kinds of people, but, unlike demisexuals, they are turned off by a certain group of people, which is different for every spectrasexual.
- Skoliosexuality refers to people who are only attracted to other people who identify as a different gender than they were born with. This means that they tend to fall for people who identify as transgender, whether pre-or post-operation(s).
There are plenty more sexual orientations, many of which can be broken down further into their own spectrums. Perhaps one of these labels feels like you. Maybe they don’t. Of course, you can always choose not to label yourself and just go with what feels right. You do you- figuratively (and literally if you are really that flexible).
The Gender Spectrum
Gender identity is also a spectrum that determines your sense of self, personal confidence, and gender expression. So, who are you? Have you always identified with your sexual organs, or do they conflict with how you feel? Do you know where you fall on the gender spectrum?
- Cisgender is a person who identifies with the sex they were assigned at birth. A male at birth still identifies as a male. A female still identifies as a female.
- Agender is someone who doesn’t conform to any sex. They don’t have an identifiable gender, and a label isn’t important to their self-understanding.
- Nonbinary is a person who doesn’t feel male or female. They feel outside the gendered labels and express themselves as people who do people things. Just because someone wears a dress doesn’t automatically make them female.
- Gender Outlaw is a revolutionary who refuses to allow society to place them in a gendered box. They battle against stereotypes and enjoy disrupting conventional ideas.
- Transgender is a person whose cognitive mind does not match their assigned sex at birth. There are male-to-female (MTF) transitions, female-to-male (FTM) transitions, and a transition into a third, undefined gender, such as in someone who is nonbinary.
Again, this list is just a small taste of what options are available to you, and it’s important to understand how you identify in order to form your personal identity, find your truth, and express it to society. The better you know yourself, the closer you get to what you desire.
Gender Expression and Desire
While your gender identity doesn’t determine who you find super hot, it usually does determine who finds you sexy in return. So if you’re searching for a hookup or a date online, it’s important to pay attention to the person you’re looking at, what they say they want, and how they identify as a person.
A person’s gender identity is unique to the individual and is part of defining who they are to the world. Their gender expression helps determine how they dress, their decisions, and the level of confidence they live with every day. It’s part of determining how people see them and how they see themselves. Your gender identity gives you strength.
Exploring your gender identity and formulating your gender expression can help you understand your desires and streamline your search for a friend, whoever that may be.
Your new self-awareness and individual gender may change your preferred pronouns, the words that people use when they talk about you. It will also change the way that you speak of others. Using the correct pronouns when you refer to someone is about respect and can be understood as a microaggression when someone is purposefully misgendered. Do you know what your pronouns are?
Gender Pronouns
You may come across someone who, while introducing themselves, mentions what pronouns they prefer to be called. This can seem a little strange to a cisgender person who isn’t used to the lifestyle, but always respecting pronouns is essential.
Misgendering, or calling someone by a pronoun that refers to a gender they don’t identify with, can be hurtful. It can make they/them feel invisible, unheard, and unappreciated. And it definitely won’t get you a date. Of course, it can be hard to get used to at the beginning of a friendship or relationship, but it’s vital to acknowledge your understanding.
Some people may choose to use the simple he/him or she/her, no matter how they appear to the world on the outside. Other inclusive options you may find include:
- They/them/theirs
- Ze/hir/hirs
- Ze/zir/zirs
- Xe/xem/xyrs
When someone chooses a pronoun, they’ll tell you what they prefer to be called. They may tell you when they shake your hand. They may wear a button on their lapel that communicates their needs to you. It may be on their social media accounts. The new people you meet will appreciate the attention you give, and you may find that whatever relationship you have decided to explore will be all the better because of it. Cheers!
Additional Sources:
https://www.healthline.com/health/different-genders#what-gender-identity-is
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/types-of-sexuality#types
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/types-of-gender-identity
https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq
Comments are closed