So you’re thinking of hopping on the “swing” set. Swinging is a lot of fun and can be a great way to spice up your primary relationship, but a lot of people who try to get into swinging have little success setting roots down in the community. The swinger life style may seem like it’s all free love and wild sex parties, there are some Swing-Etiquette axioms that need to be observed. Otherwise, you may find yourself watching people on the “swing” set instead of being able to go for a ride yourself.
Talk the Talk.
If you want to be a swinger, you have to talk like a swinger. Nothing says newbie like a vanilla who asks to full swap with a lifestyler who is only offering a same-room soft swap. To help you avoid these awkward situations, lets look at some important swinger vocabulary you need to know.
- Swinger – Someone who has sexual encounters, in a non-relationship setting, with people outside of their primary relationship.
- Vanilla – This is more than just a flavor of ice cream – it’s also a term used for people who aren’t swingers. It can also be used for people who aren’t kinky, however, so always be aware of context when referring to yourself as “not vanilla.”
- Lifestyle – This is a term used to identify people who are swingers. You may read things like, “We are in the lifestyle.”
- Play – To engage in sexual activity, though not necessarily sexual intercourse.
- Soft Swaps – People who only have non-penetrative sex outside of their primary partner or spouse.
- Full Swap – People who have penetrative sex with people other than their primary partner or spouse.
- Same Room – This means they will play with you, but their partner has to be in the same room.
- Unicorn – Single female who likes to hook up with swingers.
- Polyamorous – To have an intimate relationship with more than one partner.
- Ethically Non–Monogamous – to seek intimacy outside of one’s primary relationship with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved.
Now that you know some swing speak, how do you go about meeting swingers? The best way is to set up a profile on a swinger hookup site like AdultFriendFinder.com. Adult FriendFinder has a huge, active swinger lifestyle community, which makes meeting other like-minded swingers much easier.
Be Nice or Leave.
When you set up your profile there are some basic things you want to avoid. If you are a single person try not to sound like a shallow, sex hungry fool. Don’t write that you’re looking for a quick bang, or that your favorite kind of girl is one that leaves afterwards. And please, don’t post pictures of your dick. I’m sure your dick is wonderful, it may even be the best thing about you, but wait until someone asks to see it. The same rule applies for woman as well, so ladies, don’t post pics of your pussy either. If someone wants to see a picture of your private parts, they will let you know.
While you’re at it, don’t say you want to avoid fatties, or that tiny dicks need not apply. Yes, we are all physical beings and physical attraction is a key part of wanting to meet someone, but make your point without being rude. Many fit people with giant cocks or tight pussy may be turned off if you sound like a jerk, so keep your options open by simply being nice.
For couples the same advice is especially important. A bad match can potentially be twice the headache when dealing with another couple.
Be Clear About What You Want.
Being able to articulate your interests will help you find a compatible playmate, so be clear about what you’re looking for. If you’re into kink or prefer just to watch, say so. If soft swap sounds super hot to you but same-room doesn’t, make it clear. Remember, ambiguity only leads to bad experiences. The first step to swinging successfully is taking a moment to think about exactly what you want, and being able to explain that to people who are meeting you for the first time.
Create the Perfect Profile.
Think of your swingers profile as your sales pitch. Even if you are a couple looking for a single playmate or another couple the rules of dating still apply. You’re presenting yourself in way that’s making you of interest to others, so tell them about yourself and let them know what you’re looking for. Don’t tell people you’re a crotchety old a-hole that no one likes to talk to and that’s why you’re online. Tell people you’re a couple that plays games together, or that you like to hike. Talk about your love of microbreweries or a favorite shared book. It can be hard to write about yourself, so write as though someone else were describing you. Or better yet, have a friend help you write it.
The best way to make your profile pop, however, is to post an attractive photo. People assume that you’re posting the picture that makes you look the best, so don’t post photos that make you look like a sleep deprived troll doll. Instead, brush your hair, wash your face, put on clean clothes, pick up the laundry on the floor behind you, and take a great pic. While you’re at it, be sure to keep the kids, the pets, and the toilet out of the shot. It’s very important to show potential swinging partners that you are a individual/couple who will be a blast to swing with. This photo is their first impression of you – so make it a good one!
Take it to the Next Level.
Once you’ve met someone online, don’t just try to meet up as soon as they say “hi.” Talk to them a bit. Get to know them. It’s OK to ask about their partner or spouse and learn more about their situation, because if you do meet up there’s a good chance you may meet their partner or spouse as well. Once you do decide to meet up, make sure to talk about your expectations and limitations. If you’re expecting full swap right off the bat and they just want to get drinks and chat, you’ll end up frustrated and so will they. Remember — if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t do it.
Play by the Rules.
Here are some common rules you may encounter in the swinger lifestyle community:
- No sex with single men. Single men are not often considered swingers and can be frowned upon in the lifestyle.
- No sex or play without partner/spousal consent or knowledge.
- No “taking one for the team.” Do not allow yourself to be pressured into sex by your partner or anyone else.
- No fluid exchange. This means using condoms and dental dams at all times.
- No kissing, as some find the act to be too intimate.
- No alcohol or drugs. It’s common for people to want to abstain from anything that could compromise consent.
Play it Safe.
Another common thing to expect after meeting someone is for them to ask for copy of your most recent STI testing. If you haven’t gotten one in the past three months, now is a good time to go to a clinic and update those results. Turn around is fair play, so you should ask to see theirs as well.
While we’re on the topic of safety, make sure you have an out when meeting in person for the first time. Keep a good excuse to leave handy just in case you aren’t gelling with the person you’re meeting or they just skeeve you out. Just because you agreed to get together and play doesn’t mean you have to, so remember you can always leave at any time. It’s also a good idea to let your partner know where you’ll be and have a set check-in time. That way if they don’t hear from you they’ll know something is wrong and take action. Meet in a public place first, then go to somewhere private if you’re still interested. Drive your own car as well, so you can leave when you want.
The biggest thing to remember is that sex isn’t necessary the first time you meet. Just because you don’t plan to date the person doesn’t mean that you have to play with them right away. Plenty of swingers take the time to get to know one another, as well as each other’s partners, before playing together. Just remember – it’s always good to shake hands before touching genitals!
For more tips from experienced swingers, or to meet sexy swingers in your area, head over to AdultFriendFinder.com now!