Polyamory is the practice of having multiple sexual or emotional partners, and it’s becoming more and more common in place of monogamy. However, for singles or couples new to the idea, the world of polyamory can be a bit overwhelming, and you might not know what to expect. Luckily, you have us to show you the ropes and provide you with a basic guide on what to expect and some of the terms you’ll encounter when you dive into this new world!
First, let’s start with the basics: What is polyamory, really? Polyamory is having multiple loving relationships or one relationship with multiple people at one time. Some examples are open marriages or relationships, throuples, dyads, and more. Don’t worry; we’ll cover all of these! Many monogamous individuals might consider polyamorous relationships cheating, but that’s not how polyamorous individuals view their relationships. Different relationships have different rules for the participants, so there are many terms to know!
Basic Guidelines for Polyamorous Relationships
1. The biggest rule for a polyamorous relationship is that everyone involved should know that the relationship is not monogamous. You should never enter into multiple relationships without the consent of your partners or with the intent to hurt someone emotionally.
2. Establish, in the beginning, how much you want to share with each other. Do you want to know about your partner’s dates and other partners, or would you rather stay in the dark? Will the relationship include all persons involved, or will they be multiple separate relationships? And how far into the relationship should the partner be before telling you about it- do you want to know about a potential crush, or do you not want to know until the first date? It’s important to establish this early in the relationship, so no one gets hurt!
3. Make time for all partners equally. If you begin showing favoritism toward one specific partner or grow less interested in a partner, then break it off with them, so you’re not leading them on or hurting them. Be realistic and, if needed, set a schedule for what days you want to see each partner or partners.
4. Be open to feedback and communicate openly with your partners. No one wants to bring drama into any relationship. Holding in feelings or annoyances will only be damaging in the long run, so make sure you communicate these annoyances with your partners as they arise. Also, be open to your partners doing the same and try not to feel hurt when they bring these to you. They’re bringing these to you because they want the relationship to last instead of just ending it.
The basic rules are simple and seem obvious, but many people don’t think about them until it’s too late. If you want your relationships to remain open and positive, make sure you set your expectations in the beginning so that no one is disappointed with the outcomes.
Types of Polyamorous Relationships
You might encounter multiple types of polyamorous relationships, and they’re all unique in their own way. Here are a few of the most common ones and what they mean. If you’re ever in doubt about someone else’s relationship or what their particular relationship means, ask them! Most people in this arrangement are happy to answer polite and non-judgmental questions!
1. Hierarchical or Anchor Partners
This type of relationship means that there is one “main” couple, and each individual has other relationships. The main couple may live together or even have kids together, but they are the primary relationship, and every other relationship is secondary.
2. Triads or Throuples
In a triad or throuple, pronounced like “couple” combined with “three,” three partners are dating each other exclusively. Each person in the relationship is equal, and there is no “main” couple because all three are dating each other simultaneously. If the third added member is a female in a triad, they are the “unicorn.” If the third person entering the relationship is a male, they are typically called the “dragon.”
3. Quads
A quad is the same as a triad, but with four people instead of three. The four individuals are exclusive with the others in the quad and may engage in sexual intercourse with any of the other three members at once or altogether. Quads are common with asexual individuals and graysexual individuals more than any other sexual orientation.
4. Vees and Metamours
A vee is a person who dates two individuals in separate relationships, and their partners are called metamours—things of a “V” shape. The vee is the person at the bottom point, and each metamour is at one of the two top points. The metamours typically either rarely or never meet and are never in a romantic relationship with each other.
5. Open Relationships or Open Marriages
An open relationship or an open marriage is a broad term for people in a primary relationship, where each person may have other secondary relationships. In an open marriage, the primary couple is married, and they each go on dates or maintain a relationship with a person outside of their spouse, with the consent and knowledge of their spouse. In an open relationship, the primary couple may live together, depending on how far into the relationship they are, and they date other people outside their own primary relationship with the knowledge and consent of their partner.
6.Polyfidelity
The term may seem like an oxymoron. Still, this type of relationship is when all members of a polyamorous relationship agree to not date anyone else outside of their current partners. This typically happens when they cannot create more meaningful relationships due to time and energy constraints. Therefore, the number of people in the polyamorous polyfidelity relationship can vary, depending on the individuals.
7. Swingers
Swingers are typically married couples who have consensual intercourse with other people outside of their marriage. In this relationship, both spouses are aware and consent to their spouse having sex with other people, and they often “partner swap” with other married couples. Relationships outside of the marriage are confined to sexual relationships only, while the primary relationship is the only emotional relationship in this situation.
8. Solo Polyamory
This type of polyamory is well known by certain slurs but is rarely called by its actual name. Solo polyamory is when a single person has multiple relationships or has sex with multiple partners while focusing on their own life instead of any one relationship.
What else do I need to know?
Polyamorous relationships are usually about more than just sex. The participants in these relationships are rarely happy in a monogamous relationship, but they thrive with multiple partners. While one person may not satisfy every emotional need, someone else may be able to fulfill what the others don’t. The hardest part is rewiring our brain to accept that our partners have other partners since humans are typically wired to want monogamous relationships.
Polyamorous relationships are not bad or taboo, and individuals starting in this world should not be ashamed to crave more than one person. Many people are polyamorous, but they keep their relationship status quiet for personal reasons. Thankfully, with the rise in popularity of polyamory, it’s easier to find additional partners to share in the lifestyle and enjoy your emotional connections!
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