So you met someone and can’t stop thinking about them. Every time you are together, they drive you wild, but it’s starting to feel like their sexual appetite may be a lot more extreme than yours. It may be something as simple as a wide age gap that makes keeping up with their libido feel impossible. It could be that they can’t truly cum unless they feel your hands around their throat at the moment of climax, but that creeps you out. Or perhaps they have a thing for two lovers at once, and that doesn’t jive with your preferences.
That kind of dynamic leads to a lot of self-doubt and may have you at a loss until you figure things out. Maybe you should try expanding your horizons, or perhaps you can meet in the middle of some of their sexual needs while you find your stride. If all that won’t work, finding someone else with interests more similar to your own might be the best solution. But how can you be sure which path to take?
Navigating a romantic relationship when your partner is significantly more extreme or intense sexually than you are presents unique challenges. Unlike other differences in hobbies, interests, or personality traits, sex makes many people less willing to seek advice outside of a relationship and muddies the waters when couples try to communicate effectively.
Focus On Clear and Open Communication
The foundation of all great sex is clear and open communication. Having an honest and non-judgmental conversation with your partner about your differences is always step one. Frankly, if you can’t even talk about the fact that she is into pegging you, you shouldn’t be fucking her at all in the first place.
Take a moment to collect your thoughts and accept that they need to know what’s on your mind if you want them to have a fair chance at making things click for both of you. If they felt something was holding them back sexually, you’d definitely want them to trust you with their honest point of view, so show them that same level of trust.
Respect Their Passion No Matter What
Whether you are compatible or not isn’t the point. Everyone deserves the chance to pursue their passions, so if you can work out an arrangement that keeps you both happy, that’s best, but even if you can’t, you should always be respectful.
Slut-shaming anyone won’t get you what you want. Telling a lover to calm their libido or sleep with fewer people is a very direct path to relationship failure, and the consequences can go far beyond this one hookup. For example, let’s say they are only looking for a guy who enjoys being pegged for hours. That may not be your favorite idea for an evening at home, but if you end things respectfully, there’s always a chance they have a friend whose sole purpose in life is deepthroating dick around the clock – and you want that introduction.
Whenever you have a friend-with-benefits arrangement, you should have one eye on your current conquest and the other looking forward to all the other lovely options that become possible as you grow your network of lovers. One relationship ending is an opportunity to start a new one, and nobody knows what you need more than the person you just finished fucking.
Set Boundaries In Bed Like Anywhere Else
You wouldn’t work at a job where your boss could just decide at quitting time that you need to stick around for the night shift without earning any overtime. You have boundaries in that relationship at work, and your bedroom should be handled the same way. Establish clear boundaries that both you and your partner can agree on. Discuss how much time and energy you have available for sex. When shouldn’t they be calling you? How often can they stay over? What are you willing or unwilling to do once the fucking begins? Having boundaries can help ensure both partners have space to pursue their passions while maintaining balance.
Find Common Ground and Encourage Compromise
It may not be sensible to suggest having your partner only put it in halfway during pegging. Still, plenty of other sexual discussions can lead to meaningful compromises that keep everyone happy. Seek areas where your interests overlap or where you can find common ground. Explore activities you both enjoy, even if they are not as extreme as your partner’s. Finding shared areas of excitement can create bonding opportunities and balance out your differences.
Let’s say, for example, that you have an oral fixation, but rimming isn’t their favorite; ears and other erogenous zones provide a wide range of lickable opportunities for you to enjoy together as well. In any relationship, compromise is essential. Be willing to make concessions to accommodate each other’s needs and desires. Your partner may need to dial back their intensity at times, while you may need to step out of your comfort zone occasionally to give them what they need the most.
Seek Support and Advice With Patience
Consider seeking guidance from a relationship counselor or sex therapist who can help you and your partner navigate the challenges of your differing personalities and interests. A professional can provide valuable insights and strategies for finding balance and harmony. Sometimes, a mutual friend can mediate sexual differences, and those discussions lead to three ways much more often than you may imagine.
While it’s essential to acknowledge your differences, remember to focus on what brought you together in the first place. Reflect on the qualities and interests you share, and nurture those aspects of your relationship to strengthen your connection. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand their perspective. Empathy can go a long way in bridging the gap between your varying levels of intensity. You can build a more compassionate relationship by acknowledging their feelings and needs.
Accept The Fact You Are Both Unique
Remember that every relationship is unique; what works for one couple may not work for another. That’s because you and your partners are also unique. The key is to communicate openly, respect each other’s passions, and find ways to balance your differences while nurturing the love and connection you share.
You aren’t trying to make them just like you; if that were sexy, you’d be better off staying home with a mirror that has a hole in it. Accept and enjoy the differences between you and your partner. Those wrinkles in your relationship are also what makes it all so exciting. There’s a thrill in getting them to say yes to something you always wanted to do, and there’s also a thrill in being the one who says yes when they finally get the chance to do something they have waited a long time to try. Sex is a journey, and exploring it all together is the ultimate manifestation of what makes sex so much better than any form of masturbation. Enjoy your partner, and let them enjoy you!
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