Have you ever watched someone jump right into CrossFit when they’ve spent their whole life being a couch potato? They sweat a lot. They make noises that have nothing to do with pleasure. Their position is off. They aren’t really doing it right so they’re more likely to hurt themselves. They tend to make a mess of themselves, then the next day they’re sore and can’t move. They didn’t have a good time and don’t really want to do it again, despite how many of their friends say they love it. Yeah, anal sex is a lot like that.
You look at CrossFit and think “I can do jumping jacks and jump onto a box.” Or at least you think you can until you try it and discover there’s a lot more to it than you originally thought. Anal is like that, too.
Most people think, “Hey, I have a butt! I’ve been using it my whole life so I can totally figure out how to stick something up there.” Can you? Sure. Will you enjoy it? Probably not. Just like with CrossFit (and life in general), you need to prepare yourself or your ass will be sore and you won’t have a good time.
If you want to dive into the deep end of anal sex, then you need to prepare yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint; so it’ll take some prep work before you’re ready to take the big D in the big B.
Start Small
Most people brag about how big their member is, not how small it is. In the case of butt loving, however, smaller is usually better. But even if you’re lucky enough to have a guy with a tiny peen, it’s still probably not small enough, so start things off with a finger.
Start by letting him “ring your doorbell” by pressing on the outside to start stimulating and relaxing you into the feeling of pressure on your back door. We suggest using lube because there’s no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal sex. And by lube we mean lube — not spit, not lotion, actual lube. The butt doesn’t lubricate itself naturally like the vagina, so when it gets aroused it’s still puckered.
Once your body starts to relax to a little ding dong pressure, he or she can start lightly inserting the tip of their finger in. Err on the shallow side, as you’re about to encounter a whole lot of sensations you’ve probably never had before.
I know they all say it’s just the tip…but really, start with the fingertip and just push in and out. You don’t need to make a come hither motion with your finger; a simple in and out is usually good enough. All the nerve endings are in the anus, which is the port of entry to butt town, so only putting in your tip will feel better for the recipient. As you’re receiving their finger, try to relax, breathe, and use lots of lube. When in doubt, add lube! If that’s pleasurable you can start putting more of the finger inside.
This shouldn’t hurt, so if it does then you need to spend more time relaxing and trying other foreplay. Basically it should just feel like you need to poop — I know there is nothing terribly sexy about that, but that’s what it feels like. It might not feel good to start, but with practice you’ll hopefully have an A-Ha moment where suddenly it starts to feel good…really good!
Push It Real Good
As he or she is putting their finger in, you can push against them. I know pushing seems counter intuitive, but the pushing can make it easier for their finger to go in. Plus when you relax, your little butthole kind of sucks their finger in like an anal vortex of pleasure. Oh yeah…add more lube.
Anal Training
Anal training isn’t just for the pros. In fact, it’s meant more for beginners than anyone else. If you want to be able to take a penis in the backside you may need to train your body to accept something of that size. This is where butt plugs become your friend. You can buy small butt plugs and then buy ones that get progressively larger until they are the size, or just slightly bigger, than your partner. When you use a sex toy, make sure it’s one that’s meant for anal. It should have a flare base — this will ensure you don’t suck the toy up into your leather cheerio. Trust me, you don’t want to do that.
Starting with something small can help get your butt used to having something in there at all. It’s like stretching before a work out — you can’t do a tree pose until you stretch out your legs. In the same vein, you have to stretch your butt muscle too.
As people start anal training they’ll often leave a butt plug in for many hours at a time, then continue this process for a few days. Once they feel they’re able to easily receive that size plug, they go to a bigger size. Then it’s just rinse and repeat until they’re at the size they want.
Your butt won’t stay stretched out, so the initial training is to get your body adjusted to the feeling. You may also want to do training if you know you’re going to have anal sex later that night. You can start small and work your way up, but instead of doing it over days, you do it over a few hours. That way your body is ready when you and your partner are ready.
Can it be messy?
Yes. You’re doing stuff to the butt and that’s where poop comes out of your body. If you’re not OK with possibly encountering poop, then don’t try anal. You can do something to help reduce the likelihood of having a close encounter of the poop kind, like eating things that do not make you poop or constipate you. You should also stay away from spicy things for the day, and anything else that might give you the trots. Don’t eat for a few hours before having anal sex, as you don’t want to have anything in your belly when pushing on the back door. You can also give yourself an enema to clean out your insides, but don’t eat after the enema as that will just refill your guts with food. Even with all this prep you still might encounter unsanitary results, so be prepared to clean up with a smile.
Slow and Low
Now that you’ve managed to get a peen into your bean hole, don’t go all crazy monkey sex. Slow is more likely to feel better, so take the time to find a position you like. Not all anal has to be on all fours — you can do it reverse cowgirl, lying on your side, or even in missionary. Whatever is the most comfortable to you is the position du jour, but use lots of lube no matter what position you’re in.
Anal sex is something to work up to and can be a very satisfying sexual act, but it’s not for everyone. Not everyone likes anal sex, and this includes men and women. So if you give it the old college try and still find it to be lack luster, that’s OK. Some people love it, some people hate it, and others just like to talk about butts.
Wherever you fall on the butt-loving spectrum, it’s OK. Just use lots of lube!
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