Human sexuality is highly complex, to say the least. While there is a prevailing wisdom that most people want to have sex as much as possible and that there is something truly harmful about a lack of sexual desire, this is not necessarily the case. Those who appear to lack sexual desire may actually be suffering from a fear of intimacy or sexual connection with another person for various reasons. These issues can sometimes stem from previous sexual abuse, though that is not always the case. Regardless of the root cause of the fear of intimacy, it is important that everyone has the opportunity to get the most from their sexual experience, and this may involve the practice of sexual surrogacy.
What Is Sexual Surrogacy?
Someone suffering from immense fear regarding their body, intimacy, and any part of the sexual experience may require assistance from a sexual surrogate who can act as a guide to help that individual work through some of these issues. Healthline.com explains how this relationship works:
Surrogate partner therapy, as defined by the IPSA, is a three-way therapeutic relationship between a licensed therapist, a client, and a partner surrogate.
It’s designed to help the client become more comfortable with intimacy, sensuality, sex and sexuality, and their body.
While this relationship can develop with any licensed therapist, Shattuck says it’s usually with a sex therapist. It means that clients may develop a physical relationship with their therapist, including having sexual intercourse with them. Of course, there is no guarantee that the two will engage in intercourse, but some patient-client relationships are stable enough to allow this to happen. While this is unconventional to the therapy experiences that millions of others have, it can be hugely beneficial to someone suffering from intimacy issues.
Who Can Benefit From This Form Of Therapy?
We have already touched on the idea that those who have experienced sexual trauma in their life may benefit from a sexual surrogate, but others can benefit as well. Groups that have noted benefits include:
- Those with erectile dysfunction
- People with body acceptance/body image disorders
- People with disabilities that make having sex more difficult
People with these issues (and many others) may use a sexual surrogate to help them bridge the gap between where they are today and where they would like to be going forward. Remember, the ultimate goal for most of these individuals is to have a functional and healthy sex life with people they meet. To get to that point, they may require the assistance of a sexual surrogate therapist.
How Is This Different From Escorting?
It is crucial to understand that a sexual surrogacy arrangement is not the same as an escort-client relationship. The latter is an agreement to exchange money for sexual favors in a financial arrangement the two set up beforehand. The prostitute’s client likely does not have issues with intimacy or sex; they want to have sex with that particular individual at that specific time.
A sexual surrogate is an entirely different relationship altogether. The first thing to understand about a sexual surrogacy relationship is that the surrogate does not necessarily have intercourse or any sexual relationship at all with their client. This may be on the table, but it is not a guarantee. It depends on the needs of the client and the comfort level of both parties. With a sexual surrogate, the client is not paying to have intercourse with the therapist. Instead, they are paying for the therapy itself. That therapy may include intercourse in some cases, but that is not the primary purpose of the payment. It is important to note these distinctions as the practice of prostitution is illegal in nearly all jurisdictions, while sexual surrogacy therapy is legal in many places.
How Do Clients Benefit From This Relationship?
Each client is a unique person who may take away their own set of benefits from the experience of sexual surrogacy. However, many report that they have an improved image of themselves, a lessened fear of sexual intimacy and touch, and a better sense of their sexuality and its place in the world. The International Professional Surrogates Associates puts it this way:
Clients grow to trust and care for the surrogate partners, with whom they share honesty, intimacy, and meaningful emotional work. Through this genuine relationship, clients experience themselves and intimacy in valuable new ways. Clients learn how to develop trust and satisfying relationships. They are able to see that the same potential exists for their future relationships.
These are lasting impacts that a client can carry throughout all aspects of their life. It may even help them see improved relationships that are not sexual at all. Building heightened trust around relationships with other people, in general, is a very positive thing.
Extensive Training Ensures Proper Relationships
It would be dangerous and inappropriate for someone who was not highly trained to become a sexual surrogate for a client. The entire process is incredibly intimate and delicate and should only be handled by a true professional. Those who become sexual surrogates go through years of training to perfect their techniques, and they spend a great deal of that time learning more about their clients and how they may respond to various obstacles. It is only after all of that training that they would even be considered for a career as a sexual surrogate. As such, you can rest assured that should you seek this service, you will be working with someone who knows what they are doing.
Human sexuality remains incredibly precious and a gratifying experience. We should all treat it with respect and care, which means making sure we get help when we need it from people who know how to help.
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