Whether you’re looking for closure after a breakup or simply trying to have a good time with someone, hooking up with an ex can be a good idea. It gets better when you can enjoy great sex (no strings attached) with whom you’ve already established a sexual connection. It feels undeniably familiar and safer than if you were to go for a stranger.
While this may sound like a free pass to go after an ex to satisfy your horny self, you must consider how to make it work without being messy. After a breakup, all the bottled emotions can come rushing back, and that isn’t good, especially if sex is on the table.
To be on the safe side and ensure that this hookup proceeds drama-free, here are some tips to consider.
Talk About Your Expectations
Set the record straight at the initial stages of the conversation and table out what you expect from the hookup and what it means to you (just for fun). It’s also the best time to define the relationship you’ll have afterward so that there’s no confusion.
Since there are a lot of emotions involved in a hookup, it’s important to remind yourself why the breakup happened, so you know where to set the boundary. Having this honest conversation with yourself will stop you from reigniting any feelings.
Avoid talking About Past Hurt
Breakups aren’t easy, and it takes a long time to get over the hurt enough to want sex with the same person. However, poking the healing wounds could make them fresh again and create drama. Worse still, you introduce an awkwardness that takes away any possibility of pleasure.
Instead of discussing nerve-wracking subjects (even if you intended it to be a joke), why not focus on the moment and enjoy it?
Be sober
Hooking up with your ex while drunk or under the influence of any drug is a great recipe for drama. Since you’re not in full control of your words or actions, you may do or say things that you’ll regret.
So, once you’re clear about what you want from the hookup and are sure that you have no intention of reigniting the relationship, remaining sober will ensure that you don’t say or do things that suggest otherwise.
Avoid Actions That Can Trigger Emotional Attachment
The best part about hooking up with your ex is that you know each other well, so you know how to please each other. Your ex knows where to touch, how to hold you, and even what to say to make you melt.
However, if you’re hooking up with your ex for fun only (as it should be), it’s best to avoid emotion-triggering actions like cuddling and eye-gazing after sex. If possible, you can leave or move on to another bed after sex so that there’s no room for such moments.
Don’t Make It a Habit
Hooking up with your ex should be a one-time thing, and then you move on. If you were looking for closure, one time should be enough to give you all the closure you need. But, on the other hand, if you drag it out too long, it may end up reigniting a relationship.
It would be unfortunate if you let that happen because you’ll be allowing yourself to get hurt one more time. Worse still, you’ll not progress in moving on because you’re stuck in a dysfunctional relationship.
Avoid Talking New Relationships.
It’s possible that you hooked up with other people after breaking up with your ex; you must keep that information to yourself when you and your ex are together. Doing that will help you enjoy each other without any feeling of awkwardness.
No matter how tempted you are to tell your ex about your experiences with other people, telling him about it will ruin the moment.
When is it Not a Good Idea to Hook up with Your Ex?
The position of an ex should be in the past. And while a hookup may seem appropriate, the risks that come with hooking up with your ex are many. So here are some situations when you should stay away from your ex, even though you want to hook up with them.
- You are still in love with them – After being with someone for too long, you learn to love only them, and it becomes more difficult to move on. If you realize that you are still in love with your ex even after being apart for some time, a hookup may make things harder for you.
- They are still in love with you – You may have already moved on and defined your feelings for your ex, but they haven’t. Hooking up with an ex who still has feelings for you is unfair because you’ll give them hope of rekindling your relationship, which isn’t what you want.
- You’re not sure of your feelings for them – If you can’t tell for sure whether you love them or not, the best thing would be to wait until you have clearly defined your feelings. Hooking up with them may derail your healing process and return you to a fresh heartbreak. If you’re unsure of your feelings, don’t use sex to test how you feel.
To enjoy drama-free hookups with your ex, you must both be open-minded and in a position to face the reality of your situation honestly. Sex with an ex is not for everyone. So, if you feel like it’s not for you, you can leave it and move on.
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