This is a tricky question, and for many people, the initial answer would be both. That said, if you had to choose between love or lust, which would you go for right now? Both can be important, though analyzing your wants, needs, and desires can lead to better sexual experiences overall. This question can have an impact. It is essential to communicate with potential sex partners about what you are looking for.
Why Can It Be Important To Know
Knowing what you are looking for can increase pleasure and decrease the likelihood of messiness as you proceed with your sexual fun. If one person is looking for casual sex and the other is looking for a long-term relationship, there can be potential issues. Revisiting these types of conversations can also be necessary, as sometimes people start out looking for one thing and end up wanting something else.
Communication is key. Revisit what you seek if your needs, wants, and desires change. Remember that if your feelings change, the other person’s feelings may stay the same or even change in a different direction.
Long-Term Goals Versus Short-Term Goals
Are your goals right now short-term? If they are, casual sex might be what you are going for. That said, let the other person know if you are looking for a midterm or long-term love in addition to short-term pleasure. It is important to be open about what you are looking for now and what you may be looking for in the future, even if it would be with others.
As far as long-term goals are concerned, many people have preferences that lead toward love. Over 60%, and even as much as 85% of people, are looking for love over lust. This spans all genders, including both men and women.
Why Many People Are Looking For Long-Term Love
Many eventually seek long-term love because attachment and bonding are critical human needs. In terms of happiness, physical survival, and emotional well-being, long-term companionship is something people have adapted to. Even people who maintain open relationships or are polyamorous often focus on the longevity of some or all of their relationships.
People looking for casual sex can also be looking for people to have casual experiences with over a more extended period. Lust is exciting and fun, though it can sometimes be relatively short-lived. The intensity can be incredible! While some people maintain passion for longer, it is a different emotion and feeling; it often brings different feelings.
Lust, however, can lead to some of the most intense orgasms. Some people find themselves not lusting after others at all, while others meet people and instantly wonder what it would be like to fuck them. Every person is different in terms of what they want and what they act on.
How Can Open Relationships Fit In?
Open relationships can be an excellent way to get the best of both worlds, though these relationships are not for everyone. It can be hard to go from a completely monogamous relationship to an open one. There needs to be a dedication to open communication, setting boundaries, and trust needs to be there.
Moving into an open relationship is widely considered something to avoid if you want to use it solely to fix your current relationship issues. That said, many people who have already found a love or multiple loves they plan on spending their entire lives with also value lust in bigger ways. Lust, being exciting and fun, can keep things exciting in different ways.
Does Cultural Stigma Play A Role?
For people interested in casual fun, how public they are with this information can vary drastically. Some people want to avoid cultural stigma, keeping their open relationships private. Others put themselves out there, letting the world know they want casual sex fun, new relationships, and more. Some people are also interested in group sex, whether with swinging, being a hotwife, gangbangs, or other types of group fun.
Remember that the work you do, the relatives you have, and their general beliefs may impact how open you want to be about what you are looking for. Even letting some people in your inner circle know you are interested in casual sex can affect things. Testing the waters on their thoughts indirectly can be good if you are unsure how they will react.
In addition, you and your partner might both be involved in communicating your openness with the world. One partner may be interested in letting everybody know, while the other feels the need to keep it secret. Erring on the side of caution and privacy is often best if this happens.
Can Lust And Love Work Together?
Outside of open relationships, there can be ways for lust and love to work together. Some people find themselves lusting after their partner depending on the flirtations they are making, what they are wearing, and even based on the dirty talk they are using. People can be both in love and lust at the same time. That said, this most often happens early in relationships.
How Are Lust And Love Different?
Rather than working together, lust and love are two tracks that sometimes combine to create one before veering off into two again. Whether your interests involve procreating, pleasure, or both, seeking excitement, mystery, adventure, and variety is natural. That said, seeking stability, reliability, belonging, dependability, and safety is also very natural.
More About Determining What You Want
What a person wants can change from month-to-month, year-to-year, and throughout life. Reevaluating what you want is essential, as is considering the people around you and their needs, wants, and desires.
Ask yourself what kind of fun you want, and tactfully communicate with your partner about it. If you are looking for fun, excitement, and mystery, roleplay and other types of sex fun can sometimes fulfill these desires. These can be fantastic to do with the stability of a long-term relationship and with casual flings and hookup partners.
If you are looking for love, think about the things beyond physical pleasure you are most interested in. Looking for people with common hobbies and mutual philosophies is a great way to move along this path. While AdultFriendFinder is often used for people interested in casual sex and casual dating, many find long-lasting love on the website.
Final Thoughts
Be honest, be open, and let the people you are interested in know your goals. If you are unsure of what your goals are, that’s okay. Through it all, remember that sex is meant to be fun and that compatibility can mean different things to different people. Enjoy.
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