Category: Sex Advice

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Experimenting With Rope Bondage Safely Is HOT

Dating enthusiasts have started to wonder aloud what the “new normal” will look like in a post-pandemic dating world. From the surveys and data available in the Adult FriendFinder community anonymously, we can piece together some of the upcoming trends in the kinkster community. One that has clearly gained immense popularity as of late is Rope Bondage play.

Rope Bondage has become so popular lately that Cosmopolitan Magazine recently did a multi-page spread explaining 14 Rope Bondage Sexual Positions to their readers. While that title is titillating, we found it a bit scary that they made very little reference to the sorts of safety precautions novices need to know if they want to enjoy safe, fun, and satisfying rope play. So, we have taken it upon ourselves to ask the Adult FriendFinder dating community experts about their rope play best practices for your benefit.

5 Important Things To Know As Novice Rope Bondage BDSM Playmates

 

1 Know Your Experience Level And Play Accordingly

Maybe you’ve seen rope play in a few porn videos. Perhaps you read a book or two that mentioned certain types of rope bondage in an excerpt. In the nicest way possible, we need to say that doesn’t make you a rope bondage expert… yet! Take the time to practice, and understand that rope experts have devoted hundreds or thousands of hours to mastering the nuances of each knot, so they know precisely how much pressure is being exerted at each point of rope play on their submissives. It’s great to be a novice, and learning should be celebrated at every step along your sexual journey.

2 You Can Learn A Lot Online From Rope Experts

In some larger cities, you may be able to find rope play classes among the local kink community. There are also many rope experts available to you online. It’s not the sort of thing that will be commonplace on a YouTube DIY channel, but in a kinkster dating community like Adult FriendFinder, there’s never a shortage of rope experts willing to share what they’ve learned with novices that are following in their footsteps. Be ready to ask questions and be open to listening to answers. Take what you can use and be patient with yourself as you become an expert yourself, and eventually, as you be able to share what you’ve learned with others.

3 You Can Always Tighten More Later

Ask any carpenter about woodworking, and they are bound to mention the old adage “measure twice, cut once.” That’s because you can always cut more later, but you can’t easily turn two pieces of wood back into one. That analogy is even more important when it comes to rope play. Whatever positions you try or style of rope play you’re discovering, it’s important to always keep in mind that a rope can easily be tightened at any point, but if you go too tight, you may cause unintentional pain or damage before you can loosen the knots again. Always start light and gradually tighten up your ties as you tighten up your skillset. There’s no urgency to reach the pinnacle of bondage from the start, and the slower, more gradual approach adds a level of suspense to suspension play that can be exhilarating in its own way.

4 The Rope Itself Matters Quite A Bit

Rope Bondage isn’t about heading out to a local hardware store and grabbing the first piece of course rope for your next play session. The rope itself matters quite a bit. Some experts prefer wax-coated clothesline to reduce skin friction. Many look for ropes with flat surface areas to avoid unintentional lacerations. Other components of rope play, like lubrication, can make a big difference in certain positions. Take the time to find the right materials because they are every bit as important as finding the right rope play sex partners.

5 Communicate Completely In Advance

Like any other form of bondage, you and your partners must communicate in advance of any play session when it comes to rope play. Always establish a simple safe word and a physical safe motion that your partner can make even after being tied up. Take the time to discuss what you are into, exactly what will happen, and to ensure you and your partners share a similar mindset before you wrap that first length of rope around any part of their trembling bodies.

Is Rope Play For Everyone?

Like many aspects of sex that suddenly become popular, rope play is going through a bit of a spike in the adult dating community these days. However, that doesn’t mean everyone will enjoy it, so be honest with yourself and your partners. If you aren’t into it, say so. If you’re just experimenting, say so. If this is your time to shine because you’ve been waiting to be tied up, say so. The most important part of sex is communicating honestly with your sexual partners before, during, and after every encounter.

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Big and Tall, Short and Small: A Guide to Sex Positions for Different Body Types

Have you ever seen a couple that seemed physically mismatched and wondered how they make things work in the bedroom? Variety is the spice of life, and just because people have physical differences doesn’t mean they can’t have great sex. The solution could be as simple as figuring out the mechanics first, so let’s explore sex positions for couples with height and weight differences.

A Tall Order

When it comes to height differences in general, furniture is your friend. Tables, counters, and tall chairs are the perfect place to prop yourself up and raise your pelvis to a more accessible height for penetration. Adding props like suspension swings or ties to suspend your legs and arms can make finding the right position even more fun. Once you get into furniture sex, there’s a whole world of possibilities that could change your entire decorating and sex style, so give it a try and thank us later!

If he’s taller

Any short person who’s ever had sex with a tall man can tell you it can sometimes feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest. To alleviate the height difference, start with him on his knees. As he’s bent down, climb on top — from there, he can stand up, lay down, or keep sitting.

If she’s taller

If she’s the taller one, try positions with her on top. Sit in a chair and have her straddle you, or lay her down on a table. That’ll give you the excitement of furniture sex along with a twist on missionary that won’t feel awkward.

Big Love 

If one or both partners are on the larger side, then it’s all about altering your body angles. Keep your torsos tilted away from each other; this will keep you from feeling squished and allow for deeper penetration.

Turning your partner into a human chair is an excellent position for heavier people, as it allows you to control the depth of penetration a bit more. If someone has a big belly or large breasts, you can lean back to allow more room between your torsos while maintaining a sense of intimacy. It’s also great for kissing, and you can hug your partner the entire time you make love.

If he’s heavier

If your guy is a lot heavier than you, the missionary position can leave you feeling a bit crowded. Try changing it up a bit by having him stand on his knees instead of lying on top of you or lying on your back and letting him penetrate you from underneath. This position will give you the same sensation without the potential for discomfort.

If he has a big belly, lie on your side and put your legs straight out in front of you in an “L’ shape so he can penetrate you from behind. This will allow him to go deeper without his belly getting in the way.

If she’s heavier

As plus-size models continue to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and wander through the minds of curve-loving men from across the globe, the trend toward having sex with big, beautiful women is rising with fantastic trajectory. Thick thighs, soft hands, a warm smile, and a much higher propensity for squirting orgasms can all be yours if you learn how to approach your Rubenesque playmate properly.

First, it’s worth noting that bigger girls may be shy about their bodies due to years of unhelpful body shaming. Be a gentleman and offer to leave the lights on or off as she desires until she becomes more comfortable with you. Next, keep in mind that some positions may be more strenuous for her since gravity can sap her endurance and strain her hips unnecessarily. That said, positions like doggystyle, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl are perfect because it keeps all those beautiful curves out of the way.   

The Long and Short of It

Ever try having sex from behind, but your partner’s junk was so big it gave you more pain than pleasure? Doggie style is known for being a deep penetrating position, but by changing the degree of arch in your back, you can control how deeply they penetrate, so it’s a lot more comfortable. 

Conversely, if your partner has a smaller penis, arch your back downward and tilt your pelvis upward to give him the best possible angle for deeper penetration. With a smaller penis, friction is your friend, so try squeezing your legs together to get an even tighter fit. You can also try something simple like putting a pillow under your butt to raise your hips a bit, so it’s easier for him to penetrate, resulting in an even more pleasurable experience for you.

Another position that provides maximum penetration is laying on your back with your legs up by your ears. The depth is controlled by how close your legs are to your ears – so if they are right next to your ears, your partner can get pretty deep. If you push them away from your head, it will lessen the depth.

Stand and Deliver 

Many people like the idea of having sex standing up and facing their partner, which can be challenging if there’s a considerable height and weight difference between partners. Having sex standing up requires strength and stamina, so it may be tricky if the partner doing the holding isn’t super fit. If you’re not built like a bodybuilder and want to reduce some of the weight associated with this position, try doing it in a pool. The water will offset your partner’s weight, so you should have no problem holding on to them.

Get Comfortable and Enjoy the Ride

Many of the more physically challenging sex positions work better in the water, so if you’re having trouble in the bedroom, try taking it to the pool instead.

For example, in the wheelbarrow position, the woman is in a pushup pose with her legs wrapped around her partner. It’s highly pleasurable and a great upper body workout, but unless you do pushups every day, you may not be able to maintain it for long. Doing the same thing while submerged in a pool of water, however, will make it much easier to hold your partner up and enjoy the position for longer.

Sex can be particularly challenging if you have a bad back, so avoid anything that involves standing and over-exertion. Instead, try positions that involve laying on your back or side. That’ll be much easier on your body so you can sit back and enjoy the moment.

Any way you look at it, sex can be amazing, but sometimes you have to take the time to figure out what works the best for you and your partner. So experiment and see what works best for you, and check out the Adult FriendFinder advice lines for more tips from fellow members who know a thing or two about pleasure!

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Pain is Pleasure – Spanking for BDSM Beginners

Photo is for illustrative purposes only.

BDSM has many elements, and one of the most exciting is pain and impact play. There are many ways to do this and it’s hard to even know where to begin, but luckily the ALT.com community is a great resource for anyone who wants to learn. The members are so welcoming and they love to experiment with anyone, whether it’s a newbie or a pro  with lots of experience. If you’re new to the scene and want a few tips before you dive in to the world of BDSM, here’s a quick lesson to get you started.

BDSM for Beginners

Let’s start with the basics: first we have spanking, which is something that’s usually done with a bare hand. There are many positions for spanking but the most favored is probably over the knee, or “OTK.” This is found in many domestic and naughty school/ professor scenes. If you have a spanking fetish then be prepared for a red ass and maybe even some bruising, but don’t worry too much as you can always use arnica gel to heal them faster.

The Right Tools for the Job

Now let’s move on to implements you can use to turn someone’s butt red and make them moan with pain. There’s a flogger, which is a popular implement of torment. The medieval term for flogger is “scourge” and yes, these toys did have religious implications at one time. However, it actually got its start in Ancient Egypt when it was used to help harvest wheat, not beat people up for fun in the bedroom. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that it was used as a punishment for people who veered from the path that was deemed “proper.” These days, floggers are used more for fun than anything else, and they can be found in lots of different varieties. There are soft ones made of lush materials like deerskin, hard ones made from rough shoelaces, and even chains!

A single tail whip is probably the most recognizable implement of torture thanks to that heroic movie character from the 80s who cracked his whip to intimidate his foes. It’s usually smaller than a bullwhip, but long enough to cause fear. The great thing about a single tail is you can control the distance between you and the other person, thus giving them greater or lesser amounts of pain as you see fit. It does require a bit of skill to use, however, so make sure you get a quick lesson beforehand. A Quirt is like a single tail except it has two tails on the end of it instead of one. Double the fun!

A Tawse is a Scottish implement of torment that was used to punish people who weren’t following the rules. It’s hard to imagine that punishment being put onto someone in real life, but when you think about it in a hot and sexy manner you can get pretty worked up over it. It’s basically a strip of leather split into two that makes a nice slapping sound against the butt.

When all else fails and your hand gets tired you can just use a belt. Just the sound of a belt slipping through the loops of their dominant’s pants is enough to make a lot of people cream themselves with anticipation. Just be sure not to hit them with the buckle, and remember to fold the belt in half for maximum control.

A Cat-O-Nine Tails is a cross between a flogger and a whip. It has a bunch of ends but a thick handle similar to a single tail. It can pack quite a punch, but it’s also fun to play and experiment with. There’s also a Dragontail which is pretty great for beginners because it’s one long piece of triangle fabric that can be unleashed onto your willing subs.

When you don’t know what to hit someone with you could also try a flip flop. In Hispanic cultures this is often called “La Chancla.” Whatever you call it, it’s a fun way to hit someone with an object that you probably already have lying around your house. Other people have used a slipper or a soft sneaker to hit someone’s bottom for fun, though we recommend you not use something you wear in public on someone’s bare ass.

Finally comes the “big daddy” when it comes to hitting people — the cane. This is a rod also known as a switch. In the olden days people used to use real tree branches but now they are rods made of bamboo, metal, and other materials. There are even some rubber ones which pack quite a punch. These items are sure to leave a mark so make sure to touch in with your sub before you mark them.

Safety First

If you want to get into these types of play you should first meet someone to play with on a site like AdultFriendFinder.com or ALT.com. Then you should research the safety aspects, as there are certain parts of the body you shouldn’t hit and others that are just fine to lash. For example, you want to avoid the lower back area where the kidneys are and some other sensitive areas too. When you play safely you’ll feel even more confident in your abilities and you’ll have even more fun than you ever expected! That makes it SO much hotter.

Get Started

If you’re looking to turn pain into pleasure, sign up for one of the sites in the FriendFinder network. If you’re a kinkster then you’ll probably most resonate with ALT.com as this is where the freaks usually come to hang out. Of course “freak” is the most endearing term for people like us who love to play dark sex games! Those who loves bondage, BDSM, corporal punishment and more are all here looking for playmates. Don’t you wanna have some fun? Sign up now and get started on your BDSM journey.

 

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All About the Ass – Your Guide to Butt Worship, Butt Sex, and Belfies!

Who doesn’t love the sight of a juicy, round butt bouncing up and down as you pound someone from behind?

While appreciation for the big butt didn’t hit mainstream culture until the 2000s, for many big butts have always been a thing. But aside from the allure of a good ass-pounding, why do people like them? Well, if we don’t want to get too cerebral, we can all just agree that they’re totally hot. However, for those who do want to get more intellectual, let’s dive right in — all puns intended.

Big Butts – A Historical Introspective

Ancient history indicates the ass has been widely revered for centuries. Many primitive cultures had big booty idols and statues — the Greeks were particularly famous for revering the glory of the Rubenesque ass in their sculptures. They would often pose models in ways that would accentuate their butts to make them look as large as possible.

Some sociologists believe this adoration stems from the fact that butts have been an important part of the mating process since the caveman days. Since a round butt and wide hips are a direct result of the female hormone estrogen, they’ve always been associated with health and fertility. Wide hips are also good for child bearing, making them an even bigger indicator of fertility. Some even think the reason boobs are so hot isn’t because they give us milk, but because they kinda look like a butt.

Big Booties are Back

There was a time in the 90s when skinny butts took over thanks to the rise of slender supermodels like Cindy Crawford and Kate Moss. While the rap and hip hop movement of the 80s brought big booties to the forefront of mainstream, suddenly they took a backseat, if you will. Instead men were lusting after thin, waifish models with flatter butts flanked in high fashion. While these women were all babes in their own right, the sudden shift left us longing for the “juicy doubles” Sir-Mix-a-Lot was rapping about.

Luckily for men like me (and Sir-Mix-a-Lot), big butts have bounced back (ha!) thanks to celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, and porn superstar Nikki Delano. Suddenly, big butts are once again breaking the internet and inspiring songs like “Anaconda,” “Bubble Butt,” and the ever romantic “Ass n’ Titties.”

When Butt Love Becomes a Butt Fetish

If you’ve got an actual butt fetish, then the butt is likely your primary focus when it comes to sex. That means you want to touch it, feel it, lick it, kiss it, and anything else you can think of. You probably can’t even get off without at least thinking about butts. Of course the butt is very close to the anus — the hole used for anal sex — so it only makes sense that people who like butts also want to fuck those holes. If you do take the plunge, be sure to use plenty of lube as the anus is not self-lubricating. Of course you don’t absolutely need to have anal, as many butt enthusiasts love fucking from behind whether their cock is going into the ass or pussy.

The best thing about having a butt fetish is that since everyone has a butt, it’s pretty easy to find one to fool around with. If not, an AdultFriendFinder account will help you remedy that situation pronto.

Get That Ass

 If you weren’t born with a juicy ass, fear not. There are plenty of ways to work with what you have and make your own ass look nice and round. The most natural thing you can do is head to the gym and build some muscle with protein shakes, squats, and lunges. If you’re looking for an easier way to build your booty, there are also a few surgical options you can look into. Some celebrities who have allegedly gone the surgical route have made an entire career out of their (rumored) fake butts. Nikki Minaj, Blac Chyna, and Coco are all prime examples. Butt implants and even silicone butt injections can help you fake it till you make it, but buyer beware. Butt enhancements may seem tempting but have the potential to go horribly awry if you choose the wrong doctor.

 If you’re already a big booty babe and looking to attract some ass worship into your life, then consider posting a few butt selfies, or “belfies” to your profile if you haven’t already. A “belfie” will allow you to show off your ass while still showing off your face, thereby featuring your best ASSets in the same shot.

Appreciating the Ass

 If you’re looking for the big butt girl of your dreams, then get acquainted with many bootylicious babes on AFF. You’ll find lots of big bottom girls looking for someone to appreciate the glory of their ample posterior. Why just dream about having Kim K on the end of your stick when you can find a lookalike of your own to slam? Ass worshipers and ass owners alike can find a lot of butt-related fun on Adult FriendFinder. Find someone to play with in person, or play online by going to cam-to-cam.

The people on Adult FriendFinder are total freaks who are looking to play, so give them what they want! Don’t wait any longer because they might find someone else! Signing up is super easy, so why haven’t you done it yet?

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Butt Sex for Beginners – An Introductory Guide to Anal

Have you ever watched someone jump right into CrossFit when they’ve spent their whole life being a couch potato? They sweat a lot. They make noises that have nothing to do with pleasure. Their position is off. They aren’t really doing it right so they’re more likely to hurt themselves. They tend to make a mess of themselves, then the next day they’re sore and can’t move. They didn’t have a good time and don’t really want to do it again, despite how many of their friends say they love it.  Yeah, anal sex is a lot like that.

You look at CrossFit and think “I can do jumping jacks and jump onto a box.” Or at least you think you can until you try it and discover there’s a lot more to it than you originally thought. Anal is like that, too.

Most people think, “Hey, I have a butt! I’ve been using it my whole life so I can totally figure out how to stick something up there.” Can you? Sure. Will you enjoy it? Probably not. Just like with CrossFit (and life in general), you need to prepare yourself or your ass will be sore and you won’t have a good time.

If you want to dive into the deep end of anal sex, then you need to prepare yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint; so it’ll take some prep work before you’re ready to take the big D in the big B.

Start Small

Most people brag about how big their member is, not how small it is. In the case of butt loving, however, smaller is usually better. But even if you’re lucky enough to have a guy with a tiny peen, it’s still probably not small enough, so start things off with a finger.

Start by letting him “ring your doorbell” by pressing on the outside to start stimulating and relaxing you into the feeling of pressure on your back door.  We suggest using lube because there’s no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal sex. And by lube we mean lube — not spit, not lotion, actual lube. The butt doesn’t lubricate itself naturally like the vagina, so when it gets aroused it’s still puckered.

Once your body starts to relax to a little ding dong pressure, he or she can start lightly inserting the tip of their finger in.  Err on the shallow side, as you’re about to encounter a whole lot of sensations you’ve probably never had before.

I know they all say it’s just the tip…but really, start with the fingertip and just push in and out. You don’t need to make a come hither motion with your finger; a simple in and out is usually good enough. All the nerve endings are in the anus, which is the port of entry to butt town, so only putting in your tip will feel better for the recipient. As you’re receiving their finger, try to relax, breathe, and use lots of lube. When in doubt, add lube! If that’s pleasurable you can start putting more of the finger inside.

This shouldn’t hurt, so if it does then you need to spend more time relaxing and trying other foreplay. Basically it should just feel like you need to poop — I know there is nothing terribly sexy about that, but that’s what it feels like.  It might not feel good to start, but with practice you’ll hopefully have an A-Ha moment where suddenly it starts to feel good…really good!

Push It Real Good

As he or she is putting their finger in, you can push against them. I know pushing seems counter intuitive, but the pushing can make it easier for their finger to go in. Plus when you relax, your little butthole kind of sucks their finger in like an anal vortex of pleasure.  Oh yeah…add more lube.

Anal Training

Anal training isn’t just for the pros. In fact, it’s meant more for beginners than anyone else. If you want to be able to take a penis in the backside you may need to train your body to accept something of that size. This is where butt plugs become your friend. You can buy small butt plugs and then buy ones that get progressively larger until they are the size, or just slightly bigger, than your partner. When you use a sex toy, make sure it’s one that’s meant for anal. It should have a flare base — this will ensure you don’t suck the toy up into your leather cheerio. Trust me, you don’t want to do that.

Starting with something small can help get your butt used to having something in there at all. It’s like stretching before a work out — you can’t do a tree pose until you stretch out your legs. In the same vein, you have to stretch your butt muscle too.

As people start anal training they’ll often leave a butt plug in for many hours at a time, then continue this process for a few days. Once they feel they’re able to easily receive that size plug, they go to a bigger size. Then it’s just rinse and repeat until they’re at the size they want.

Your butt won’t stay stretched out, so the initial training is to get your body adjusted to the feeling. You may also want to do training if you know you’re going to have anal sex later that night. You can start small and work your way up, but instead of doing it over days, you do it over a few hours. That way your body is ready when you and your partner are ready.

Can it be messy?

Yes. You’re doing stuff to the butt and that’s where poop comes out of your body. If you’re not OK with possibly encountering poop, then don’t try anal. You can do something to help reduce the likelihood of having a close encounter of the poop kind, like eating things that do not make you poop or constipate you. You should also stay away from spicy things for the day, and anything else that might give you the trots. Don’t eat for a few hours before having anal sex, as you don’t want to have anything in your belly when pushing on the back door. You can also give yourself an enema to clean out your insides, but don’t eat after the enema as that will just refill your guts with food. Even with all this prep you still might encounter unsanitary results, so be prepared to clean up with a smile.

Slow and Low

Now that you’ve managed to get a peen into your bean hole, don’t go all crazy monkey sex. Slow is more likely to feel better, so take the time to find a position you like. Not all anal has to be on all fours — you can do it reverse cowgirl, lying on your side, or even in missionary. Whatever is the most comfortable to you is the position du jour, but use lots of lube no matter what position you’re in.

Anal sex is something to work up to and can be a very satisfying sexual act, but it’s not for everyone. Not everyone likes anal sex, and this includes men and women. So if you give it the old college try and still find it to be lack luster, that’s OK. Some people love it, some people hate it, and others just like to talk about butts.

Wherever you fall on the butt-loving spectrum, it’s OK. Just use lots of lube!

Want advice from the anal sex experts on Adult FriendFinder? Check out the member advice lines for some tips and tricks!

 

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A Beginner’s Guide to Bondage

Photo is for illustrative purposes only.

Bondage has long been considered a “taboo” subject, but that all seems to be changing as of late thanks to the popular “50 Shades of Grey” series. Suddenly, the same people who once thought BDSM was dark and scary are now looking for ways to incorporate bondage into their otherwise vanilla sex lives. And while some may look to their copy of 50 Shades as a BDSM handbook, anyone in the lifestyle will tell you the series hardly does kink the justice it deserves.

Where do you start then, if you are a BDSM beginner looking to spice things up? Here are a few quick tips to get you started.

Pick a partner you trust. This could be a spouse, a lover, or your favorite friend with benefits. If you don’t have a partner but would still like to partake, try joining a site like ALT.com. There you can find partners of all experience levels who can “show you the ropes,” if you will. Best of all, there are plenty of features like instant messaging and live cam-to-cam chat to help you get to know potential play partners before you meet up.

Forget everything mainstream media has taught you. Hollywood likes to paint BDSM as nothing more than spanking and fuzzy handcuffs, but the world of bondage is way bigger than that. Go in with an open mind and don’t limit yourself to what you’ve seen on TV. Trust me, most people would take the feeling of cool steel handcuffs around their wrists over pink fuzzy novelty store cuffs any day of the week!

Pick a role. BDSM can be a great way to escape reality, so if you lack control in your everyday life you might enjoy playing the role of dom and taking charge of your sexual partner(s). If you’re the type of person who is always in control, try on the sub role and let someone else take over. If both of those things sound good to you, you can always be a switch and have the best of both worlds.

Learn from experience. While you’re on ALT.com, check out the member advice lines, groups, and blogs. There you’ll find people who have been in the lifestyle for years and have lots of wisdom to impart. This can be particularly helpful if you’re not quite sure what you’re looking for yet.

Now put down book and go have some kinky fun with your friends at ALT.com!