Chivalry Isn’t Dead, It Just Looks Different

The word chivalry automatically instills specific images in our heads of men opening car doors for women and putting their coats over puddles. While those cartoonish ideas seem outdated and silly now, they were very much a part of courtship in mid-century America. In the 21st century, chivalry gets a bad wrap because some ideals associated with the word are often associated with misogyny. The truth is that chivalry is still very alive in the 21st century and can be an aphrodisiac when executed correctly. To understand the nuances of modern-day chivalry, you must first understand its history and how societal changes have influenced its evolution. 

What is Chivalry?

The definition of chivalry is a knightly code of religion, morality, and social conduct. While the contemporary definition may be a little watered down, it still follows the same concepts of being a gentleman, especially toward the fairer sex. The code came about because it was a way for knights of old, who were basically hired thugs of the nobility, to achieve a status of gentlemen and make maidens feel safer among the brutes. In modern times, chivalry has taken on the meaning of being kind, generous, and protective of those around you, especially the women you are courting. This included actions like opening doors and pulling out chairs for women, even if it meant rushing in front of them or standing up every time a woman enters a room or leaves the table. 

Is Chivalry Dead?

Traditional chivalry has taken a hit in the new age because many of its tenants are thought to be sexist, like a man ordering for a woman or the idea that the man should always pick up the check. Even ideas that are still kind but somewhat outdated, like opening a woman’s door for her, could be construed as assuming that the woman is too weak and incapable of opening her own door. Since many of these ideas have faded or are fading, it has left many in the last few decades to incorrectly assume that chivalry is dead. However, chivalry is nowhere near dead; it has just morphed into something that may be a little more nuanced but is the best definition yet of a centuries-old term. 

What Chivalry Looks Like Now

So if chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s also not the same, it begs the question; what does it look like now? At its very heart, chivalry has always been about protecting the most vulnerable around you. While the idea of who is considered vulnerable has changed, the idea of protecting them has not. One way you can show your chivalrous side is to stand up for marginalized people around you and protect those who need to be protected, whether it be a small child or a person being yelled at on the subway for no reason. Chivalry may not be so much about protecting a woman from stepping in a puddle anymore, but it is about lifting her and supporting her, whether that be on a challenging mental health day or when she takes risks to reach for her career goals. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you can’t open a door or pull out a chair for a lady every once in a while to be polite. 

What Can You Do?

You may find yourself in a position where you are dating for the first time in a while, and the idea of chivalry has changed drastically, forcing you to question how courtship works now. It can be intimidating, and you may find yourself accidentally misstepping once in a while, but there are plenty of ways to still be chivalrous in the 2020s. 

1. Be Respectful

The days of “If you treat them like dirt, they’ll stick to you like mud” are over. Women know their worth and want to be treated like partners and not pets. So not only should things like name and cat-calling be thrown out the window, but you should also respect her bodily autonomy. Respect goes well beyond keeping your hands to yourself – you should also respect her ideas and opinions on important matters. 

1. Listen 

This may be the core tenant of modern-day chivalry. Listening is a sign of respect and that you care what she has to say, whether it is the first date and she is talking about her career or if you live together and she is telling you about her day. 

1. Go Above and Beyond

Just because traditional chivalry is dead doesn’t mean that you can’t go above and beyond sometimes to show how much you care. All those old cliches like buying flowers will still work in the 21st century; just do it as a surprise to show how much you care and not as an apology. In the same vein, some of the older ideas of chivalry may seem old-fashioned but are still welcome, like offering a woman your coat if she seems cold. Perhaps the simplest way to go above and beyond and the perfect way to put 21st-century chivalry into context are the good morning and good night texts to let them know you are thinking of them when you go to sleep and when you wake up. 

1. Be Genuine

At the end of the day, you can only be you, but be the best version of yourself. Chivalry is about letting your guard down a bit and being genuine in everything you do, from complimenting a stranger to standing up to a bully. Women love a man who is genuine in his convictions whether they agree with him on everything or not. 

Use It to Your Advantage

There are too many men (and women) out there that think that chivalry is a thing of the past. Use their ignorance to your advantage by being a classic man for the 21st century. If you practice these behaviors, they will begin to become natural to you even if they once were not. Once modern-day chivalry becomes a personality trait, you will see a piqued interest from women, and other men will flock to you to learn the secrets of your ways.