When you find the person who is destined to be your life partner, you’ll know it. It sounds cliché, but many people echo that sentiment because it’s true. On the other hand, what about all the amazing people you meet who may not be Mr. or Mrs. Right but would do a fantastic job of being Mr. or Mrs. Right Now?!
FWB – Friends With Benefits Arrangements
You get along great together whenever you hang out. You share plenty in common and always enjoy each other when you head out on hikes or meet up for a concert and all that other fun stuff. Then one night you notice, his bulge in those jeans is beautiful! You’ll never get past your political differences. Your families can’t stand each other for whatever reason, he’s allergic to your cats, and the idea of a long-term relationship doesn’t make any sense in your life right now anyway. But what about that bulge?
Millions of singles are turning to Friends With Benefits arrangements, finding partners and playmates who are almost a match, and turning these near misses into the kind of sexual encounters others can only dream about. Once you have the boundaries in place, it’s fun, and it’s easy to maintain an FWB relationship. Setting it all up can be a little tricky, so we asked Adult FriendFinder dating community experts for their advice, and here is what we’ve come up with to help you get started.
Be Very Clear About Your Intentions
Nobody wants to be manipulated with mind games or lead on in a way that makes them think there’s hope for something long-term down the line. However, you may be surprised at just how many people are thrilled with the idea of being in a mature open relationship that mixes friendship and sex without any of the pretense or confusion long term relationships are known for creating.
Just be straight up from the get-go – “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, I really like you and I’m wet pretty much every time you get near me. I’m not in the right head space for any kind of relationship right now and I don’t think this will ever become more than a great friendship, but if you want to fuck, I feel like that’s something we could start doing… right now.“
Set Agreed Upon Boundaries From The Start
The boundaries can be just about anything as long as you agree to them with your partner. Perhaps you only want to play if he wears a condom; maybe you aren’t interested in oral sex or want to make sure he doesn’t bootycall you any time after 9 PM on a weekday. Whatever limits you want to put in place, get them out on the table right at the start, and the rest of your FWB arrangement will go a whole lot smoother.
Also, keep in mind, your FWB arrangement is a two-way street. Ask if they have any boundaries they want you to abide by, and make sure their intentions align with your own. Aligning your goals and limits early on can help you avoid all the complications of trying to figure it out as you move forward, which is so much more complicated once mutual orgasms start clouding your decision-making skills.
Be Willing To Accept No For An Answer
FWB is something you should only bring up once. If you’re in a strong friendship and ask about going the FWB route, be prepared for your friend to say no. If they decide for whatever reason FWB doesn’t work for them right now, accept it with a smile. Nothing changed, you still have an awesome friend, and you’ll just have to find someone else to fuck. Nothing is worse than the friend who asks about an FWB arrangement and won’t drop it even after the other friend says they aren’t interested.
You should also be sure to avoid bargaining. If the target of your affection has a couple of requested boundaries, that’s one thing. But if the conversation turns into a negotiation and they start saying things like “I’ll only do this if you’re willing to do that…” then you’re probably better off finding someone else to create a simpler arrangement with. You’re trying to get their pants off; you aren’t trying to cosign a mortgage together. Keep it light and easy, or find someone else who will be more eager to hook up with you.
FWB Is Almost Always Best Done On The Down Low
So you finally found out your friend has been having the same fantasies for months, and the two of you hooked up in what is sure to become an on-again, off-again, you on top again sort of arrangement. Congrats! Now you want to keep your new FWB going, and you want to avoid messing it up for everyone.
The most common mistake new FWB lovers make is sharing their arrangement with others. Some ego-driven nonsense causes one of you to tell a coworker, or a gossip mistake leads you to mention it to one of your BFFs over coffee. Sharing this information almost always creates complications, and the upside is nearly nonexistent. Why live with a jealous roommate because you told them what’s going on? Do you want to deal with embarrassing jokes at inappropriate times from people who have no business putting their nose in your business just because you excitedly told them about your new squeeze when you shouldn’t have? From a communication standpoint, why not just keep it in your pants, and enjoy your time with your new FWB without informing anyone else?
Sure, if you become fuck-buddies for months, others are eventually bound to figure it out on their own, but that’s way different from you telling them about it or confirming their suspicions. When you openly talk about it, that gives them emotional license to bring it up any time they feel like it or leaves you to ask them not to bring it up anymore awkwardly. If they figure it out and you just smile instead of answering, they may have a clue about what you’ve been up to, but they won’t bring it up or feel authorized to start asking questions.
What Happens With My FWB When It’s All Over?
By their nature, every FWB will end eventually. Maybe one of you finds a more serious relationship with someone else. Perhaps one of you moves on from the moment emotionally. There are so many reasons an FWB can end, and nothing to keep your fling going but the raw, primal urges you both felt when it started. The simple answer is, let it go!
It sounds easy because it is easy. You are both mature adults; you both knew what you were getting into when it started, and you both got out of it exactly what you were hoping for before it finished. Now let it go with a smile. Be happy for your friend, be happy for yourself, and most of all, be happy you can always start a new FWB with someone else if that’s what you want.
Comments are closed