You’ve been married for many years, and you love your spouse; nobody questions that. However, you’ve also been cooped up in your apartment together for more than a year, thanks to quarantine. With all social activities on pause, you watched every show on Netflix, and now you need some time away from each other. First, understand and accept that your feelings are entirely normal.
The old cliché that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” has never been more accurate, and millions of married couples are learning that lesson first-hand now that they’ve been cohabitating in such close proximity without a break.
It was easier when one or both partners flew out on business trips a few times a year and came back with exciting stories about all the places they’d been. It was more fun when everyone went to work at the office five days a week and came home with all the gossip of office politics to discuss and strategize about during dinner.
Now, you sit across from each other, with nothing new to say, no stories to tell, and a history that’s become so tightly intertwined that the element of surprise is all but a memory. At this point, you may be wondering, is this all there ever was or will be for our married life? If this is the case, it may be time to open the emotional window and let some fresh air into your relationship.
Aren’t Open Marriages Just for Hippies and Sex Addicts?
The old stereotype that open relationships are for hippies and sex addicts no longer holds water. Sure, they probably like open relationships as much as the next person, but there are tons of people out there who aren’t hippies and sex addicts but still manage to live an exciting life because they’re willing to have an open mind about sex.
When marriage first became a thing, people only lived to be twenty or thirty years old. If you got married at 18 and passed on at 30, you were only in that closed relationship for 12 years. In the modern era, people often get married and stay married for 4 or 5 decades. Why would you want to exclude love and lust from other people so you can say you made it forty years without fucking anyone else? You do know they don’t give out trophies for monogamy, right?
Can An Open Marriage Make Your Relationship Stronger?
Studies have shown that polyamorous couples often agree their marriage is stronger because it is an open relationship. How could that possibly be true? Let’s look more deeply at the dynamic:
1 – Variety Is the Spice of Sex
Just like in other aspects of your life, variety can improve your sex life as well. Why have sex with the same person repetitively for decades when you could be sharing them with others and having them learn new ways to please you while they’re at it? There’s an incredible joy in having your spouse do something new in bed and having them tell you as soon as they found out how to do it, they immediately wanted to come home and try it with you.
2 – Open Relationships Foster Open Communication
Can you be sure your spouse isn’t fooling around with someone at work or eyeing a cute waitress out of boredom at home? In an open relationship, none of that angst exists. If they want to bring home the waitress, they can smile and ask if you’re up for a three-way with her. So honest and straightforward, the concept itself is shocking to many married couples, and the positive effect it has on their relationship is often tremendously helpful.
3 – Exploring Together Is Exciting
You may have had a couple of bisexual experiences in your past or tendencies coming to the surface of your psyche later in life. Why repress who you are when you could be sharing yourself more fully with your spouse. Suppose he wants to feel what it’s like to have you sandwiched between him and another man, or she wants to enjoy the feminine aspect of her nature with a sexy hairstylist from her salon and her husband. Why not be part of that joint excitement and explore each other’s sexuality more deeply?
4 – As Long As You’re Honest, It’s Pretty Easy
The #1 bit of advice we can share from the Adult Friend Finder community is that honestly is where it all needs to start. We aren’t suggesting anyone do anything that makes them sad or unhappy. Still, discussing uncomfortable topics can often lead to breakthroughs with enormous rewards on the other side of any obstacle.
It’s worth an evening to sit down and discuss what you think about opening up your relationship with your spouse. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person just because you want to have a candid chat about the topic. Any spouse worthy of your trust is also confident enough to understand that discussing it doesn’t mean anyone has to do anything.
Share your thoughts and feelings. Maybe create an account on Adult Friend Finder so you can browse dating profiles together and see if there’s a spark you share for a specific kind of mate.
At the very least, even if you choose to keep your marriage completely closed off from the rest of the world, it will give you something to talk about for a few nights or more. Best case, you find common ground and can soon be filling your evenings or afternoons with the joy of new participants in the love and lust you already share for each other.
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