The ancient Greeks had a word for everything. Part of what made them such an influential culture in the ancient world is their ability to see the world, from plants and animals to how humans interact, in a beautifully logical way. One of the things we love most about ancient Greek philosophy is its definition of love.
Greek philosophers did not see love as just one thing. They split the concept of love into eight types of feelings and actions. There’s playful love, sexy love, the love you have for your friends, and even love for yourself. Love can change forms, and you can have more than one type of love for a person, creating a more fluid and truly beautiful way of thinking about affection.
Using the eight types of love can help you identify your own feelings and appreciate how those feelings can evolve over time. Let’s dive into this world of love and how to see the eight types of love in your own relationships.
The Eight Types of Love
- Eros – Passion
- Philia – Friendship
- Agape – Selfless / Unconditional
- Storge – Family
- Ludus – Playful / Flirtatious
- Mania – Obsessive
- Pragma – Dutiful
- Philautia – Self-love
Eros – Passionate Love (The Sexy Stuff)
Let’s start with the sexy love: Eros. Named after the Greek version of Cupid, Eros is the love of passion. Eros is the physical, chemical desire that a couple shares when they can’t keep their hands off each other and keep falling into bed. Eros is a strong driving force and is as physical as it is emotional.
Cultures adjacent to ancient Greece identified Eros as the “marital” love or the love shared between a husband and wife to make children. Of course, in the modern world, you don’t need to fit into the traditional marital structure – or plan to make children – to enjoy hot, steamy Eros love with a partner.
Philia – Affectionate Friendship
Philia is fond of affection and devotion. Also known as platonic love, people who share Philia love care deeply for one another and will always be there for each other. Philia is shared between partners and best friends with a strength that does not require physicality or blood ties. You can share philia with anyone you care about, enjoy spending time with, and want to share happiness with.
Ancient Greeks believed the strongest romantic relationships stemmed from Philia, which grew into Eros, where passion grew between loving friends.
Agape – Unconditional Self-Sacrificial Love
Agape is unconditional love that sacrifices the self. It is complete devotion. If you would do anything for someone, whether they’re your best friend, lover, or offspring, that is Agape love. Agape doesn’t judge; it doesn’t withhold. Agape is about giving yourself to another person without expecting anything in return. Parents often feel Agape love for their offspring and would sacrifice for their happiness.
A couple who feels Agape love for each other will sacrifice together and make each other stronger. The classic story,”The Gift of the Magi,” (she sells her hair for a watch chain, and he sells his watch for a hair comb) is a great example of Agape in cultural fiction.
Storge – Familial Love
Storge is the love that you naturally feel for your family members. Storge is the love between parents and children and the love shared by siblings. Some people experience Storge that grows into warm Philia love or naturally evolves into Agape. However, many also experience Storge whether they feel particularly fond of their family or not. Siblings who are loyal and loving even when they are not friends are a great example of Storge on their own.
The old adage “Blood is thicker than water” refers to the bond of Storge that family members feel for each other even if they have never met before but know they are related.
Ludus – Playful Love
Ludus is the love of flirtation and play. It is the second type of love that is typically romantic, but not always. The courtship between new partners often takes the form of Ludus’s love, in which teasing each other and playing games helps to fan the flames of both Eros’s passion and Philia’s affection.
Ludus is one of the most fun types of love because it is based on having fun together. However, Ludus also tends to be more casual and temporary. A “Fling” might be Eros and Ludus combined. Many young people have purely Ludus-based relationships, and it can even be wise when separation – such as the end of a summer vacation – is around the corner.
Mania – Obsession
Mana is the dangerous obsessive love that a jealous or spurned lover might experience. The ancient Greeks identified Mania as a type of love, not one involving two people. In other words, Mania is “Stalker love.” It is the passionate yet dangerous and one-sided love that a stalker feels for the target of their “affection.”
Mania is an unhealthy emotion that also harms the person who feels it. It is an obsession that prevents the person from moving on to healthy relationships and types of love. It can even prevent a person from forming healthy love with the object of their desire if the opportunity exists.
Pragma – Logical and Dutiful Love
Pragma is the love of doing what is necessary, even when it doesn’t feel good. This type of love is often forgotten when looking at the kinds of love because it does not necessarily include passion or even affection. Ancient Greeks defined Pragma as the dutiful love in arranged marriages where partners do what they must and are good to each other out of duty, even if Philia, Eros, or Storge never forms between them.
But don’t underestimate Pragma. A person can feel Pragma very strongly and do their best for another person even when they get no “warm fuzzy” reward for doing so.
Philautia – Self-Love
Last but not least is Philautia or love of self. There’s no doubt that Philautia has entered the spotlight in recent times. Self-care, work-life balance, mindfulness, and mental health are all crucial aspects of Philautia – loving and caring for yourself.
Ancient Greeks would have defined Philautia as self-confidence and affection for yourself. It has both a good and bad side, ranging from self-esteem and self-care to hubris and over-confidence. A healthy self-love motivates you to take good care of yourself, seek healthy relationships, keep your house in good condition, pursue your ambitions, and feel that you deserve good things.
The 8 Types of Love in Your Life
How do the eight different types of love manifest in your life? Do you have a best friend who you love to pieces? Have you enjoyed flirtatious adventures with a fling in the past? Is there someone you would do anything for?
It’s important to consider that each relationship can show signs of one or more types of love. Philia and Eros are passionate and devoted lovers. Ludus and Storge might be a playful love between siblings or cousins. A good friend might even inspire your Philautia self-love by showing you how they see you through their Philia affection for you.
Every relationship has the potential to reflect one or more types of love.
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