While self-confidence can be beneficial in almost every area of your life, it’s especially helpful in the bedroom. Being confident boosts your sex appeal and makes you more attractive to others. It also helps you feel more relaxed, open, and excited during intimate moments with your partner—which means you’ll have better sex.
If you’re lacking in the sexual confidence department, we got you! Here are six tips to help you feel more confident in bed so you can focus on the good stuff.
Get Yourself in the Mood
Before getting to the bedroom, make sure you feel good about yourself and your relationship with your partner. If you’re nervous before you even set foot inside the door, it’ll show in how you act and feel when you’re in bed together. So set aside some time for a bit of pampering—a hot bath with candles, a glass of wine, or even a delicious meal—to help you relax and put your best foot forward.
Focus on the Moment
You’re in bed with your partner. You’re naked, dripping with sweat, and ready to get down to business, but your mind is elsewhere. You’re thinking about what you need to do tomorrow, how much work you have left for the day, or maybe even how stressed out your friend is over her breakup and how much you wish she’d ask for help from someone other than you.
When we’re stressed out, our minds go all over the place—and we tend to take our anxieties with us wherever we go. So if you want more confidence in bed, try focusing on the moment: What does your body feel like? How does the room smell? What do you like about your partner? Take a few deep breaths and focus on those sensations instead of worrying about what happens next. And then try not overthinking at all! Just let yourself feel as much pleasure as possible while giving yourself time to breathe and relax.
Start With What You Do Best
We all have different things we feel confident about in bed. Maybe you give amazing head or love how you look naked. Maybe you’re the world’s best kisser. Whatever your “thing” is, make sure to spend extra time on that before moving on to anything else. Chances are, your partner will be more than happy to let you take the lead, especially if you’re starting with something they’ll enjoy.
Use what you know you’re good at to build up your confidence until you’re ready to try something new. Then, you’ll find out what you like, giving you a better idea of what your partner wants. Once you discover your strengths, move on to new positions or be more adventurous with sex toys. The more confident you are during sex, the more fun you have.
Don’t be Afraid to Ask for What you Want
Most people are hesitant to ask for what they want in bed because they don’t want to seem demanding or are afraid of rejection. But the truth is, your partner wants you to enjoy yourself, and asking for what you want is the best way to ensure that happens.
So, speak up, whether you’re dying to try a new position or want your partner to touch you a certain way. If your partner doesn’t react well at first, remind them that while you may not know exactly how to please them yet, you’re eager to learn. It may take some time before they feel comfortable reciprocating with what you want (and chances are there will be things on their list, too), but staying open-minded about exploring each other’s desires is vital.
Learn What Makes you Feel Good
You might be a great lover, but it’s going to show if you’re not confident about your skills in bed. Of course, you can’t be sure of yourself if you don’t know what makes you feel good, so you first need to figure out what works for you.
Do you like to be dominant? Do you love it when your partner asks you questions and makes suggestions? Do you like taking control and setting the pace? In short: What gets you hot? Once you’ve figured it out, you can use that information to turn up the heat on your partner—and make them feel more confident in the bedroom. And don’t forget about mental stimulation, as fantasizing about your favorite sexual scenario can also help increase arousal.
Play Music That Gets you in the Mood
Music is a great way to set the tone, but it’s essential not to use whatever song just happens to be playing at the moment. Instead, choose bass-heavy songs with sensual or suggestive lyrics that get the naughty mental images flowing.
The best music makes you feel like your body is in overdrive—you’re on top of things and ready to take on anything. Bass-heavy songs are usually slower than other types of music—they have a lot more bass, which makes them sound more powerful and aggressive.
If you’re looking for something more upbeat but still sexy, try something with some vocals like pop, R&B, or even classical music. Classical music helps people relax, which can definitely help set a perfect mood for sex.
Explore and Have Fun
When it comes to sexual confidence, one size does not fit all. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay. So keep an open mind and explore different fetishes with your partner. You may be surprised at what turns you on!
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