Closing an open marriage or relationship can seem daunting. You don’t want to disappoint your partner, but you also have reasons you don’t want to share them anymore. Maybe they’re in the same place you are, and maybe they’re not. But either way, that doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. It also doesn’t mean that your sex life has to be less fun or adventurous; it just means that you’ll have all your sexy fun time with each other and no one else.
Talk it Out
First and foremost, have an honest conversation with each other. Let your partner know why you want to close the relationship and become monogamous. Whether you’re uncomfortable with sharing, the lifestyle is too wild for your liking, or you’re experiencing jealousy that you didn’t expect to feel in the beginning, there are plenty of reasons you may think that it’s time to close your open relationship. Remember that your feelings and emotions are valid, and the best thing to do for your relationship is to express those feelings and give your partner a chance to respond. The sooner you have the conversation, the sooner you’ll be happier in your relationship again.
Discuss what your next steps will be in regards to your relationship. Do you have any lingering feelings of jealousy or resentment? How can your partner help you work through these feelings if you do? If you aren’t sure what you want from your relationship anymore, don’t be afraid to seek help through a relationship counselor or one-on-one therapy. Be honest and set your expectations and desires so you can work as a team to overcome any obstacles.
Set a Timeline
Give your partner a set amount of time to end any connections outside of your marriage or relationship. Be mindful that just because you may have been considering closing the relationship for a while doesn’t mean they were thinking the same. Thus, it’s only fair you give them time to end any outside relationships that might still be ongoing amicably. You don’t want to be cruel but make sure it’s a fair and realistic timeframe to bring things to a close, whether that timeframe is a week or a month.
Reconnect as a Couple
Create new memories together as just the two of you. Get a hotel room or enjoy a spa day. Find a new restaurant that can be your new “place.” Plan trips, go sightseeing, and enjoy each other’s company without outside influence. This will help rewire your brain and show your partner that you’re committed to the closed relationship and can still have fun together, even without the swinger lifestyle.
Let it Go
Don’t hold onto resentment or anger for anything that happened before you decided to close the relationship. Remember that it was a mutual decision to have an open relationship, so it wouldn’t be fair to your partner or yourself to hold a grudge for any consensual activities that happened while the relationship was open. Once you agree to close the relationship, it’s fair to expect your partner not to have sex or ongoing relationships from that point on.
Moving from an open to a closed relationship can be full of challenges. Still, if you’re both committed to your love for each other, you can navigate this obstacle. Even if you’re afraid of their potential reaction, the biggest thing to remember is to give your partner a chance by being open and honest about your feelings and desires for the relationship’s future. Their response may surprise you.
Are you looking for advice from experienced couples? Check out the member advice lines!
Comments are closed