Monogamy may be the mainstream, socially acceptable norm, but is it all it’s cracked up to be? Of course, a lot of squares throw shade at people living a poly lifestyle, but anyone following the Johnny Depp / Amber Heard divorce can easily see why unconventional relationships that are allowed to run their natural course make so much more sense in the long term.
For starters, divorce is messy, even on the best of terms. At worst, it’s a disastrous fiasco that lets you glimpse the hell that you were married to for however long you were chained down. The Depp / Heard divorce and subsequent lawsuit is the latter, unfortunately.
With such a toxic example of monogamy being openly portrayed to the public, this should be society’s cue to update what they consider acceptable and open their bedroom doors to polyamory, at least a little more than what’s currently portrayed. This doesn’t mean that society should be one giant, ongoing orgy all the time. But it does mean it should be acceptable for people to have committed relationships with multiple partners, so they get everything they need and aren’t stuck with limited affection from a potentially toxic, monogamous relationship.
For example, if Johnny Depp had taken on one of the billions of women who would happily warm his bed while also married to Amber, he would have been able to see how a non-toxic relationship should look. He also would have had external emotional support when his marriage literally shit the bed.
Had Johnny been a bit more open-minded, his love life still, likely, would have been rocky, but he would have had more support and a loving partner to fall back on when these chaotic proceedings started. This also would have given him a witness to testify that he was not, in fact, abusive to his partners since the whole basis of the lawsuit centers around defamation caused by an abuse article that Amber wrote, which Johnny says damaged his career irreparably.
Essentially, this entire trial should be a prime example of why we should be open to open relationships. When one relationship fails, we don’t suffer as much emotional damage and hopelessness since we don’t feel completely unloved and unwanted. It’s hard to feel unloved when you’re wrapped in someone else’s arms while they comfort you!
Polyamory can be multiple things. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re constantly sleeping around, and it’s not what porn clips would like you to believe. That’s like saying that anytime you order a pizza, you’re always going to end up naked with the delivery person. That’s just not the case. Polyamory can be a three-way relationship or two or three separate, loving relationships with or without sex involved. You agree to be in a loving, caring, supportive and emotional relationship with another person.
Heard and Depp have said, “Our relationship was intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love.” If they had opened their relationship to love and support from other partners, they both would have had someone to turn to in those “volatile” times, rather than constantly being at each other’s throats.
The easiest way to explain the benefits for anyone who has never experienced a polyamorous relationship is this: You have multiple friends, and they all suit different aspects of your life. Some satisfy the desire to have movie buddies, some the desire to have a coffee partner, and some are great for gossiping. If we have multiple friends to satisfy various facets of our lives, why do we expect one person to be able to meet all our emotional needs?
Polyamory is all about having someone on a romantic level to satisfy our emotional needs in ways that our friends may not be comfortable with. This may include certain types of dates, certain ways of kissing, or even different sexual techniques. The emotional connections may all be different, but they are no less fulfilling than the other potential relationships. Honestly, in today’s world, who doesn’t want or need a little more love in their lives?
Some will still be adamantly against open relationships, and that’s okay, as they aren’t for everyone. Just make sure you consider these facts: around 25% of women and 40% of men have admitted to having sex with a partner outside of their monogamous marriage. That means your monogamy may not be as strict as you think, depending on who your partner is. Even if they are not having sex with someone else, sometimes it’s easy and just second nature for people to open themselves up and have an emotional, sensual relationship with someone outside their marriage without necessarily having sex with them. Most of these instances occur in couples under the age of 30, which means that if you’re young and in a newer relationship, the chance that your partner is in a secondary relationship is more likely, anyway, so why is that not okay for you, as well?
The hardest part about this lifestyle is overcoming any jealousy that society has told us we should experience when sharing our lovers. We’re taught to share everything else from a very young age, but when it comes to lovers, we’re taught to be highly possessive and that sharing is morally wrong.
Suppose we remove jealousy and reduce the ultimate definition of cheating to include non-consensual adultery only. In that case, open relationships that are consensual by all partners involved will no longer qualify as cheating, and relationships and marriages are far less likely to fail. Being happy for your partner’s successful and fulfilling relationships outside of your own relationship can also help your relationship thrive!
Polyamory is not for everyone; that’s completely understandable. When there’s a family involved and you’re a parent, it can be far more time-consuming and difficult to hold one relationship, let alone keep up with multiple partners. However, with the high failure rate of monogamous relationships in the celebrity and non-celebrity world, shouldn’t we at least consider that polyamory may be a better option than most people initially thought?
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