Tag: bdsm

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Pain & Impact Play for Beginners

BDSM has many elements, and one of the most exciting is pain and impact play. If you’re new to the scene and want a few tips before you dive into the world of pain and impact play, here’s a quick lesson to get you started.

BDSM for Beginners

Let’s start with the basics. First, we have spanking, usually done with a bare hand. There are many positions for spanking, but the most favored is probably over the knee, or “OTK,” which you can typically find in many domestic and naughty school/ professor scenes. If you have a spanking fetish, then be prepared for a red ass and maybe even some bruising, but don’t worry too much as you can always use arnica gel to heal them faster.

Tools That Get the Job Done

Now let’s move on to implements you can use to turn someone’s butt red and make them moan. Floggers, for example, are a popular implement of torment. The medieval term for flogger is “scourge,” and yes, these toys did have religious implications at one time. However, the “scourge” was initially used to harvest wheat in Ancient Egypt, not beat people up for fun in the bedroom. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that floggers were used as a punishment for those who veered from the path of “rightiousness.” These days, floggers are used more for fun than anything else, and there are lots of different varieties. There are soft ones made of lush materials like deerskin, hard ones made from rough shoelaces, and even chains.

A single tail whip is probably the most recognizable implement of torture, thanks to that heroic movie character from the 80s who cracked his whip to intimidate his foes. It’s usually smaller than a bullwhip but long enough to cause fear. The great thing about a single tail is you can control the distance between you and the other person, thus giving them greater or lesser amounts of pain as you see fit. However, it does require a bit of skill to use, so make sure you get a quick lesson beforehand. 

A Quirt is like a single tail, except it has two tails on its end instead of one. Double the fun!

A Tawse is a Scottish implement of torment once used to punish people who weren’t following the rules. It’s a strip of leather split into two that makes a nice slapping sound against the butt.

When all else fails and your hand gets tired, you can always use a belt. The mere sound of a belt slipping through the loops of their dominant’s pants is enough to make a submissive shudder with anticipation. Just be sure not to hit them with the buckle, and remember to fold the belt in half for maximum control.

A Cat-O-Nine Tails is a cross between a flogger and a whip. It has a bunch of ends but a thick handle similar to a single tail. It can pack quite a punch, but it’s also fun to play and experiment with. 

There’s also a Dragontail which is pretty great for beginners because it’s one long piece of triangle fabric you can unleash onto your willing subs.

When you don’t know what to hit someone with, you could also try a flip flop. In Hispanic cultures, this is often called La Chancla. Whatever you call it, it’s a fun way to hit someone with an object that you probably already have lying around your house. Other people have used a slipper or a soft sneaker to hit someone’s bottom for fun, though we recommend you not use something you wear in public on someone’s bare ass.

Finally comes the “big daddy” when it comes to hitting people — the cane. This device is a rod, also known as a switch. In the olden days, people used real tree branches, but now they are rods made of bamboo, metal, and other materials. There are even some rubber ones that pack quite a punch. These items are sure to leave a mark, so make sure to touch in with your sub before you mark them.

Safety First

If you want to get into these types of play, you should start by finding an experienced play partner to show you the ropes. Pain and impact play is fun, but you have to do it properly to prevent serious injury. 

Next, do your research on the safety aspects, as there are certain parts of the body you shouldn’t hit and others that are just fine to lash. For example, you want to avoid the lower back area where the kidneys are and some other sensitive areas. Then, when you play safely, you’ll feel even more confident in your abilities, and you’ll have more fun than you ever expected! That makes it SO much hotter.

Get Started

If you’re a kinkster or a kinkster in training, log in to your Adult FriendFinder or ALT account now to find a play partner. While you’re at it, check out the member advice lines for tips on how to get started!

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The Difference Between Cuckolding and Hotwifing

Have you ever heard of compersion? It’s a term frequently used in the polyamorous community to describe the feeling of happiness one gets from their partner enjoying a sexual encounter with someone else.

The fuck my wife/hotwife and cuckolding fetishes take these fantasies to the extreme; however they are somewhat different from each other.

The Difference Between Cuckolding and Hotwifing

Hotwifing is when a woman gets fucked by another guy at the encouragement of her husband. He gets pleasure from watching and listening to the act, while she gets pleasure from feeling desired by another man. Though hotwifing is often done at the encouragement of the male partner, both parties receive a lot of enjoyment from it.

It can be as simple as inviting another guy to the house for a good time or the woman being passed around at a swinger’s party. Either way, it’s all about having fun. 

Cuckolding is a bit more intense. It’s a similar idea in which the wifey still gets pounded by tons of other people, but in this scenario, the husband is a tormented sub who remains under lock and key during the act. In some cases, he even gets his cock locked up in a chastity device and maybe gets to cum while he watches his wife get fucked by a stud from a cage in the corner. But, of course, cuckolding doesn’t always have to get so extreme — it can just be a husband who doesn’t get to fuck his wife while someone else does.

Cuckolding Fetishes

There are different fetishes even within the cuckolding world. For example, there’s a big focus on interracial cuckolding in which husbands stand in the corner while their wives get pounded by a massive BBC. That brings us to the next subset of cuckolding: the small penis aspect. 

Another type of fetish is called SPH or small penis humiliation, in which men with small penises love to be told how pathetic and useless they are, and that’s the reason why their wives have to find bigger dicks to satisfy them. 

There can also be a feminization fetish with cuckolding that involves the cuck dressing up as a sissy maid or just wearing women’s panties around the house. In most cases, the cuckold sub usually takes on many household chores and makes sure that everything is how his “miss” would like it. He does it in the hopes that she will grant him some pleasure even though he knows he’s not worthy at all.

There can be any number of BDSM games played in a cuckolding relationship. There can be bondage or no bondage. It can be rather vanilla, or it can be kinky as hell. It’s a fun game that can be played for an evening or a lifetime. In many cases, especially in relationships with feminization, a cuck mistress will use her strap-on cock to fuck her husband in the ass instead of using his cock for her pleasure. 

So, what are the major differences between a hotwife and a cuckold relationship?

In a hotwife relationship, the man is usually more in control, but it’s not to humiliate or subjugate the woman. Instead, the husband usually picks out the potential partners, provides his wife with lingerie and outfits to wear for the big event, and they may even direct the stud to do certain things to his wife as he watches.

With cuckolding, the woman is always in charge, picks out her own lovers, and does whatever she wants — much to the enjoyment and chagrin of her submissive charge.

Some cucks come to the lifestyle through real-life circumstances. For example, they find out their wife is cheating on them, and for some reason, it arouses them. The whole situation torments and excites them, and while they have a real choice in the matter, they love feeling like they don’t.

In general, cuckolds tend to have more lust for their partners after they’ve been with someone else. No one knows why this aberrance from the norm has evolved, but some people have theories related to evolution and the continuation of the species. If you’re not sufficient as a man, you don’t want to pass on your seed. You’d rather see your wife getting banged by a strapping hot muscular guy, right? It makes sense from a caveman perspective, at the very least.

Bringing the Fantasy to Life

Whether you’re a hopeful cuck who wants to meet a mistress or a hotwife husband who wants to find more studs for your wife to get pounded by, you’ve come to the right place. Adult FriendFinder and ALT.com have a thriving community of cucks and hotwives who want to play and advise those looking to explore these fetishes. 

Check out the member advice lines now and get started! 

 

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Experimenting With Rope Bondage Safely Is HOT

Dating enthusiasts have started to wonder aloud what the “new normal” will look like in a post-pandemic dating world. From the surveys and data available in the Adult FriendFinder community anonymously, we can piece together some of the upcoming trends in the kinkster community. One that has clearly gained immense popularity as of late is Rope Bondage play.

Rope Bondage has become so popular lately that Cosmopolitan Magazine recently did a multi-page spread explaining 14 Rope Bondage Sexual Positions to their readers. While that title is titillating, we found it a bit scary that they made very little reference to the sorts of safety precautions novices need to know if they want to enjoy safe, fun, and satisfying rope play. So, we have taken it upon ourselves to ask the Adult FriendFinder dating community experts about their rope play best practices for your benefit.

5 Important Things To Know As Novice Rope Bondage BDSM Playmates

 

1 Know Your Experience Level And Play Accordingly

Maybe you’ve seen rope play in a few porn videos. Perhaps you read a book or two that mentioned certain types of rope bondage in an excerpt. In the nicest way possible, we need to say that doesn’t make you a rope bondage expert… yet! Take the time to practice, and understand that rope experts have devoted hundreds or thousands of hours to mastering the nuances of each knot, so they know precisely how much pressure is being exerted at each point of rope play on their submissives. It’s great to be a novice, and learning should be celebrated at every step along your sexual journey.

2 You Can Learn A Lot Online From Rope Experts

In some larger cities, you may be able to find rope play classes among the local kink community. There are also many rope experts available to you online. It’s not the sort of thing that will be commonplace on a YouTube DIY channel, but in a kinkster dating community like Adult FriendFinder, there’s never a shortage of rope experts willing to share what they’ve learned with novices that are following in their footsteps. Be ready to ask questions and be open to listening to answers. Take what you can use and be patient with yourself as you become an expert yourself, and eventually, as you be able to share what you’ve learned with others.

3 You Can Always Tighten More Later

Ask any carpenter about woodworking, and they are bound to mention the old adage “measure twice, cut once.” That’s because you can always cut more later, but you can’t easily turn two pieces of wood back into one. That analogy is even more important when it comes to rope play. Whatever positions you try or style of rope play you’re discovering, it’s important to always keep in mind that a rope can easily be tightened at any point, but if you go too tight, you may cause unintentional pain or damage before you can loosen the knots again. Always start light and gradually tighten up your ties as you tighten up your skillset. There’s no urgency to reach the pinnacle of bondage from the start, and the slower, more gradual approach adds a level of suspense to suspension play that can be exhilarating in its own way.

4 The Rope Itself Matters Quite A Bit

Rope Bondage isn’t about heading out to a local hardware store and grabbing the first piece of course rope for your next play session. The rope itself matters quite a bit. Some experts prefer wax-coated clothesline to reduce skin friction. Many look for ropes with flat surface areas to avoid unintentional lacerations. Other components of rope play, like lubrication, can make a big difference in certain positions. Take the time to find the right materials because they are every bit as important as finding the right rope play sex partners.

5 Communicate Completely In Advance

Like any other form of bondage, you and your partners must communicate in advance of any play session when it comes to rope play. Always establish a simple safe word and a physical safe motion that your partner can make even after being tied up. Take the time to discuss what you are into, exactly what will happen, and to ensure you and your partners share a similar mindset before you wrap that first length of rope around any part of their trembling bodies.

Is Rope Play For Everyone?

Like many aspects of sex that suddenly become popular, rope play is going through a bit of a spike in the adult dating community these days. However, that doesn’t mean everyone will enjoy it, so be honest with yourself and your partners. If you aren’t into it, say so. If you’re just experimenting, say so. If this is your time to shine because you’ve been waiting to be tied up, say so. The most important part of sex is communicating honestly with your sexual partners before, during, and after every encounter.

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Pain is Pleasure – Spanking for BDSM Beginners

Photo is for illustrative purposes only.

BDSM has many elements, and one of the most exciting is pain and impact play. There are many ways to do this and it’s hard to even know where to begin, but luckily the ALT.com community is a great resource for anyone who wants to learn. The members are so welcoming and they love to experiment with anyone, whether it’s a newbie or a pro  with lots of experience. If you’re new to the scene and want a few tips before you dive in to the world of BDSM, here’s a quick lesson to get you started.

BDSM for Beginners

Let’s start with the basics: first we have spanking, which is something that’s usually done with a bare hand. There are many positions for spanking but the most favored is probably over the knee, or “OTK.” This is found in many domestic and naughty school/ professor scenes. If you have a spanking fetish then be prepared for a red ass and maybe even some bruising, but don’t worry too much as you can always use arnica gel to heal them faster.

The Right Tools for the Job

Now let’s move on to implements you can use to turn someone’s butt red and make them moan with pain. There’s a flogger, which is a popular implement of torment. The medieval term for flogger is “scourge” and yes, these toys did have religious implications at one time. However, it actually got its start in Ancient Egypt when it was used to help harvest wheat, not beat people up for fun in the bedroom. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that it was used as a punishment for people who veered from the path that was deemed “proper.” These days, floggers are used more for fun than anything else, and they can be found in lots of different varieties. There are soft ones made of lush materials like deerskin, hard ones made from rough shoelaces, and even chains!

A single tail whip is probably the most recognizable implement of torture thanks to that heroic movie character from the 80s who cracked his whip to intimidate his foes. It’s usually smaller than a bullwhip, but long enough to cause fear. The great thing about a single tail is you can control the distance between you and the other person, thus giving them greater or lesser amounts of pain as you see fit. It does require a bit of skill to use, however, so make sure you get a quick lesson beforehand. A Quirt is like a single tail except it has two tails on the end of it instead of one. Double the fun!

A Tawse is a Scottish implement of torment that was used to punish people who weren’t following the rules. It’s hard to imagine that punishment being put onto someone in real life, but when you think about it in a hot and sexy manner you can get pretty worked up over it. It’s basically a strip of leather split into two that makes a nice slapping sound against the butt.

When all else fails and your hand gets tired you can just use a belt. Just the sound of a belt slipping through the loops of their dominant’s pants is enough to make a lot of people cream themselves with anticipation. Just be sure not to hit them with the buckle, and remember to fold the belt in half for maximum control.

A Cat-O-Nine Tails is a cross between a flogger and a whip. It has a bunch of ends but a thick handle similar to a single tail. It can pack quite a punch, but it’s also fun to play and experiment with. There’s also a Dragontail which is pretty great for beginners because it’s one long piece of triangle fabric that can be unleashed onto your willing subs.

When you don’t know what to hit someone with you could also try a flip flop. In Hispanic cultures this is often called “La Chancla.” Whatever you call it, it’s a fun way to hit someone with an object that you probably already have lying around your house. Other people have used a slipper or a soft sneaker to hit someone’s bottom for fun, though we recommend you not use something you wear in public on someone’s bare ass.

Finally comes the “big daddy” when it comes to hitting people — the cane. This is a rod also known as a switch. In the olden days people used to use real tree branches but now they are rods made of bamboo, metal, and other materials. There are even some rubber ones which pack quite a punch. These items are sure to leave a mark so make sure to touch in with your sub before you mark them.

Safety First

If you want to get into these types of play you should first meet someone to play with on a site like AdultFriendFinder.com or ALT.com. Then you should research the safety aspects, as there are certain parts of the body you shouldn’t hit and others that are just fine to lash. For example, you want to avoid the lower back area where the kidneys are and some other sensitive areas too. When you play safely you’ll feel even more confident in your abilities and you’ll have even more fun than you ever expected! That makes it SO much hotter.

Get Started

If you’re looking to turn pain into pleasure, sign up for one of the sites in the FriendFinder network. If you’re a kinkster then you’ll probably most resonate with ALT.com as this is where the freaks usually come to hang out. Of course “freak” is the most endearing term for people like us who love to play dark sex games! Those who loves bondage, BDSM, corporal punishment and more are all here looking for playmates. Don’t you wanna have some fun? Sign up now and get started on your BDSM journey.

 

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A Beginner’s Guide to Bondage

Photo is for illustrative purposes only.

Bondage has long been considered a “taboo” subject, but that all seems to be changing as of late thanks to the popular “50 Shades of Grey” series. Suddenly, the same people who once thought BDSM was dark and scary are now looking for ways to incorporate bondage into their otherwise vanilla sex lives. And while some may look to their copy of 50 Shades as a BDSM handbook, anyone in the lifestyle will tell you the series hardly does kink the justice it deserves.

Where do you start then, if you are a BDSM beginner looking to spice things up? Here are a few quick tips to get you started.

Pick a partner you trust. This could be a spouse, a lover, or your favorite friend with benefits. If you don’t have a partner but would still like to partake, try joining a site like ALT.com. There you can find partners of all experience levels who can “show you the ropes,” if you will. Best of all, there are plenty of features like instant messaging and live cam-to-cam chat to help you get to know potential play partners before you meet up.

Forget everything mainstream media has taught you. Hollywood likes to paint BDSM as nothing more than spanking and fuzzy handcuffs, but the world of bondage is way bigger than that. Go in with an open mind and don’t limit yourself to what you’ve seen on TV. Trust me, most people would take the feeling of cool steel handcuffs around their wrists over pink fuzzy novelty store cuffs any day of the week!

Pick a role. BDSM can be a great way to escape reality, so if you lack control in your everyday life you might enjoy playing the role of dom and taking charge of your sexual partner(s). If you’re the type of person who is always in control, try on the sub role and let someone else take over. If both of those things sound good to you, you can always be a switch and have the best of both worlds.

Learn from experience. While you’re on ALT.com, check out the member advice lines, groups, and blogs. There you’ll find people who have been in the lifestyle for years and have lots of wisdom to impart. This can be particularly helpful if you’re not quite sure what you’re looking for yet.

Now put down book and go have some kinky fun with your friends at ALT.com!

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The Kinkiest States According to ALT.com

Who gives a shit about red and blue states when it comes to sex? In the wake of the film “50 Shades of Grey,” we decided to break up our great land into which states are the kinkiest. Using data from kinky dating site, Alt.com, we find out which places in the U.S. where “whipped cream” takes on a whole other meaning. You might be surprised by what we discovered!