Dating is often stressful, but it can be especially challenging for single parents. It’s hard enough to meet someone you vibe with, then add in the pressure of tight schedules, figuring out when to tell the other person you have kids, and past relationship trauma, and you really have your work cut out for you.
So what happens when you meet someone special and try to work this new relationship into your already busy life?
The bright side is that being a single parent gives you unique perspectives and experiences that help with your ability to juggle multiple things at once. However, while these qualities can make you a great partner, they present a unique set of challenges when making a relationship work, whether romantic or strictly sexual.
Here are some tips to help you keep the momentum going once you find someone who makes you tingle!
To Tell or Not to Tell?
The biggest question on your mind might be when to tell your new flame that you’re a parent if you haven’t already. In this case, honesty is the best policy. Your children aren’t your dirty little secret but something to be proud of and not hide from your dating partners.
Sure, you could meet people who don’t want to have a relationship with someone who has children. If that’s the case, they should find out about you being a single parent sooner rather than later so you don’t waste precious time on someone who may not accept your situation. Your family is a big part of who you are and how you live your life. If you want your new partner to understand this from the word go, make it clear that you’re a single parent on your profile. If meeting physically, mention it early during your conversation. The right person will stay while the wrong one will quit so you can move on to better things.
That said, don’t go on a date armed with anecdotes about your children, as it could really kill the sexy mood. The same applies to stories about your ex. Save the trauma and cute stories for later.
Should You Tell Your Kids About Your New Partner?
It’s essential to talk to your children about your desire to date again before you even get started. While this may sound illogical, it helps to be open let them know what’s going on in your life. Of course, there’s no golden rule as to when your partner and children should meet, but before they do, consider how both parties feel about it.
In essence, if your new partner is becoming a big part of your life, it’s probably a wise decision to let them meet your children. While the meet-up can be scary for everyone involved, it’s an essential step that can be exceptionally rewarding. Think ahead of time on the best way to go about the introduction and where it should happen. Is the person just a friend, a friend from work, or a special friend? Your choice of words matters.
Make Time for Sex
Having sex is one of the best things about dating. So, despite the lingering stigma around single parenthood, forget about the lecture on being sensitive and find someone who also wants to get naked. After all, life without intimacy can be lonely if you crave skin-to-skin contact.
You may feel guilty about spending time away from your kids because you need to balance between your kid’s emotional needs and your romantic desires. However, giving your sexual needs a priority status may become a challenge if your family has hinted about being shortchanged. While you may want to be physically present for your children, having your emotions elsewhere will only backfire.
If you have persistent doubts about spending time away from your kids, it could be a signal that you’re not ready for dating. However, it’s also highly likely that you have unresolved feelings about past relationships. If that’s the case, talk to your partner about postponing intimacy to a later time instead of adding more turmoil into your emotions.
Your Privacy Matters
Once you’re ready to get physical with your new partner, it’s time to reclaim your private space in the bedroom. If your children often co-sleep with you, it’s time to reevaluate those parenting choices in light of your new interests. Nothing can kill the sexy mood like leftover juice boxes or random Legos in the bedroom.
It would help to make your bedroom private again by letting your children know about the upcoming changes. Don’t wait until you’ve started being intimate with your partner at home to begin closing the bedroom door. Sudden changes will only arouse curiosity and might be met with resistance.
After you’ve talked to your children about the upcoming changes, install a new bedroom lock. You’ll feel more comfortable when satisfying your sexual needs or getting dressed behind closed doors, knowing that your kids won’t show up unexpectedly.
Have Fun
In matters of sex and relationships, remember it’s normal to feel a little more self-conscious than you did pre-singlehood. But, whatever you do, let your inner confidence shine through so that your partner feels confident around you as well. Remember, it’s ok to prioritize your and your partner’s needs sometimes. Prioritizing your happiness can make you a better parent anyway, so have fun!
