Newly single parents often find themselves torn between the freedom to date whoever they want and the obligations of parenthood. While the dating game is undoubtedly more challenging than it was in your single days, the world is still yours for the taking!
Of course, some challenges, questions, and concerns may arise when setting up your boundaries and rules for dating and hooking up. Therefore, it is not always as straightforward or freeing as some might lead you to believe, especially when it comes to sex.
Here are some tips to get you started so you can get right to the fun!
Know Who You Are and What You Want
It seems like society is always rushing to get people paired off and in a committed romantic relationship with another person. Of course, there is nothing wrong with people committing to one another and being happy about it. Still, it’s essential to give people the space they need to figure themselves out first.
A few questions that are worth considering asking yourself internally before you begin dating include:
- Why am I seeking out this relationship?
- Will a relationship bring me fulfillment and joy?
- Am I looking to date someone just because I feel lonely or bored?
- Have I resolved all of the issues from my previous romantic engagements?
- Am I looking for something casual or more long-term?
These are just a few of the questions you should include on your checklist to see where you stand. After all, checking in with yourself to see how things are going could be one of the best things you can do for your mental and psychological health. If you don’t, you may find that you veer from one relationship to another without a true vision or purpose for what you are doing.
Start Working on Privacy Matters Right Away
There is no need to beat around the bush regarding what many single parents think about when they consider their romantic future. They think about their sex lives and how they can have a happy and fulfilling sex life while still being a good parent for their children. The good news is that it is entirely possible to do both things simultaneously, and the fact that you are so concerned with this shows that you are a good parent already.
U.S. News recommends that you take the following steps to establish certain privacy boundaries that will serve you well as you begin to venture into your dating and romantic life:
Install a bedroom door lock.
Privacy matters. Make your bedroom a privacy zone, if only to feel more comfortable when satisfying your own sexual needs or to get dressed without an audience. Kids who typically sleep soundly create the unrealistic expectation that they’ll never wake up and demand attention in the middle of the night. Waiting until you’ve met someone and then suddenly insisting on a closed or locked bedroom door arouses kids’ curiosity and sparks a barrage of awkward questions. That’s not to mention the potential for humiliation created by your kids’ social media postings. Enough said.
Avoid these situations by getting your children accustomed to the fact that there are certain areas of the house that they ought to stay out of during certain times. If you create the expectation of privacy ahead of time, then it will be less of a surprise for your children down the line.
Consider How You Will Involve Your Children in Your Dating Life
There are specific ways to approach the idea of having your children involved in your dating life. First, there comes the point when they need to meet the person you have been seeing. However, introducing your children to a new person too early in the process can backfire. You don’t want to make it uncomfortable for your children and yourself if things don’t work out. Thus, it would help to bring them into the picture only when you are confident that your relationship is solid and likely to last.
Be aware that your children may have adverse reactions to meeting the person you have been dating. Adult relationships are not easy for children to process, and they may feel a sense of betrayal. It would help if you tried to be extremely gentle and easy about bringing your child into the dating situation that you find yourself in. Take small steps towards introducing them to a new partner, and be prepared to deal with some of the backlash if it comes.
Be Considerate of Your Former Partner
Perhaps you have ill feelings towards your former partner, or maybe you get along just fine. Either way, you should consider that person when you start to date someone new. You don’t necessarily have to run out and tell them that you have a new romantic interest or that you’ve been hooking up nonstop, but you should let them know what is going on if your new romantic interest will be around your former partner’s children.
If you are still in the middle of a custody battle when you spark up a new relationship, this could complicate matters even more. It is not illegal to date someone new while still in the middle of a custody battle, but your former partner may attempt to use this against you in a court of law as they battle for custody.
There are a lot of complications that come with being a single parent and dating. You don’t want to give up all of the joys of sex and dating just because you happen to be single and a parent, but understand that it is not as simple as it initially seems. However, if you take proactive steps to make the process easier on yourself, you’ll be on the right track.
Good luck!
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