Tag: dating with kids

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The Advanced Guide to Dating as a Single Parent

Dating is often stressful, but it can be especially challenging for single parents. It’s hard enough to meet someone you vibe with, then add in the pressure of tight schedules, figuring out when to tell the other person you have kids, and past relationship trauma, and you really have your work cut out for you. 

So what happens when you meet someone special and try to work this new relationship into your already busy life? 

The bright side is that being a single parent gives you unique perspectives and experiences that help with your ability to juggle multiple things at once. However, while these qualities can make you a great partner, they present a unique set of challenges when making a relationship work, whether romantic or strictly sexual. 

Here are some tips to help you keep the momentum going once you find someone who makes you tingle!

To Tell or Not to Tell?

The biggest question on your mind might be when to tell your new flame that you’re a parent if you haven’t already. In this case, honesty is the best policy. Your children aren’t your dirty little secret but something to be proud of and not hide from your dating partners.

Sure, you could meet people who don’t want to have a relationship with someone who has children. If that’s the case, they should find out about you being a single parent sooner rather than later so you don’t waste precious time on someone who may not accept your situation. Your family is a big part of who you are and how you live your life. If you want your new partner to understand this from the word go, make it clear that you’re a single parent on your profile. If meeting physically, mention it early during your conversation. The right person will stay while the wrong one will quit so you can move on to better things. 

That said, don’t go on a date armed with anecdotes about your children, as it could really kill the sexy mood. The same applies to stories about your ex. Save the trauma and cute stories for later. 

Should You Tell Your Kids About Your New Partner?

It’s essential to talk to your children about your desire to date again before you even get started. While this may sound illogical, it helps to be open let them know what’s going on in your life. Of course, there’s no golden rule as to when your partner and children should meet, but before they do, consider how both parties feel about it.

In essence, if your new partner is becoming a big part of your life, it’s probably a wise decision to let them meet your children. While the meet-up can be scary for everyone involved, it’s an essential step that can be exceptionally rewarding. Think ahead of time on the best way to go about the introduction and where it should happen. Is the person just a friend, a friend from work, or a special friend? Your choice of words matters.

Make Time for Sex

Having sex is one of the best things about dating. So, despite the lingering stigma around single parenthood, forget about the lecture on being sensitive and find someone who also wants to get naked. After all, life without intimacy can be lonely if you crave skin-to-skin contact.

You may feel guilty about spending time away from your kids because you need to balance between your kid’s emotional needs and your romantic desires. However, giving your sexual needs a priority status may become a challenge if your family has hinted about being shortchanged. While you may want to be physically present for your children, having your emotions elsewhere will only backfire.

If you have persistent doubts about spending time away from your kids, it could be a signal that you’re not ready for dating. However, it’s also highly likely that you have unresolved feelings about past relationships. If that’s the case, talk to your partner about postponing intimacy to a later time instead of adding more turmoil into your emotions.

Your Privacy Matters

Once you’re ready to get physical with your new partner, it’s time to reclaim your private space in the bedroom. If your children often co-sleep with you, it’s time to reevaluate those parenting choices in light of your new interests. Nothing can kill the sexy mood like leftover juice boxes or random Legos in the bedroom.

It would help to make your bedroom private again by letting your children know about the upcoming changes. Don’t wait until you’ve started being intimate with your partner at home to begin closing the bedroom door. Sudden changes will only arouse curiosity and might be met with resistance.

After you’ve talked to your children about the upcoming changes, install a new bedroom lock. You’ll feel more comfortable when satisfying your sexual needs or getting dressed behind closed doors, knowing that your kids won’t show up unexpectedly. 

Have Fun

In matters of sex and relationships, remember it’s normal to feel a little more self-conscious than you did pre-singlehood. But, whatever you do, let your inner confidence shine through so that your partner feels confident around you as well. Remember, it’s ok to prioritize your and your partner’s needs sometimes. Prioritizing your happiness can make you a better parent anyway, so have fun! 

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The Beginner’s Guide to Dating as a Single Parent

Newly single parents often find themselves torn between the freedom to date whoever they want and the obligations of parenthood. While the dating game is undoubtedly more challenging than it was in your single days, the world is still yours for the taking! 

Of course, some challenges, questions, and concerns may arise when setting up your boundaries and rules for dating and hooking up. Therefore, it is not always as straightforward or freeing as some might lead you to believe, especially when it comes to sex. 

Here are some tips to get you started so you can get right to the fun!

Know Who You Are and What You Want

It seems like society is always rushing to get people paired off and in a committed romantic relationship with another person. Of course, there is nothing wrong with people committing to one another and being happy about it. Still, it’s essential to give people the space they need to figure themselves out first. 

A few questions that are worth considering asking yourself internally before you begin dating include: 

  • Why am I seeking out this relationship? 
  • Will a relationship bring me fulfillment and joy? 
  • Am I looking to date someone just because I feel lonely or bored? 
  • Have I resolved all of the issues from my previous romantic engagements? 
  • Am I looking for something casual or more long-term?

These are just a few of the questions you should include on your checklist to see where you stand. After all, checking in with yourself to see how things are going could be one of the best things you can do for your mental and psychological health. If you don’t, you may find that you veer from one relationship to another without a true vision or purpose for what you are doing. 

Start Working on Privacy Matters Right Away 

There is no need to beat around the bush regarding what many single parents think about when they consider their romantic future. They think about their sex lives and how they can have a happy and fulfilling sex life while still being a good parent for their children. The good news is that it is entirely possible to do both things simultaneously, and the fact that you are so concerned with this shows that you are a good parent already. 

U.S. News recommends that you take the following steps to establish certain privacy boundaries that will serve you well as you begin to venture into your dating and romantic life: 

Install a bedroom door lock. 

Privacy matters. Make your bedroom a privacy zone, if only to feel more comfortable when satisfying your own sexual needs or to get dressed without an audience. Kids who typically sleep soundly create the unrealistic expectation that they’ll never wake up and demand attention in the middle of the night. Waiting until you’ve met someone and then suddenly insisting on a closed or locked bedroom door arouses kids’ curiosity and sparks a barrage of awkward questions. That’s not to mention the potential for humiliation created by your kids’ social media postings. Enough said.

Avoid these situations by getting your children accustomed to the fact that there are certain areas of the house that they ought to stay out of during certain times. If you create the expectation of privacy ahead of time, then it will be less of a surprise for your children down the line. 

Consider How You Will Involve Your Children in Your Dating Life

There are specific ways to approach the idea of having your children involved in your dating life. First, there comes the point when they need to meet the person you have been seeing. However, introducing your children to a new person too early in the process can backfire. You don’t want to make it uncomfortable for your children and yourself if things don’t work out. Thus, it would help to bring them into the picture only when you are confident that your relationship is solid and likely to last. 

Be aware that your children may have adverse reactions to meeting the person you have been dating. Adult relationships are not easy for children to process, and they may feel a sense of betrayal. It would help if you tried to be extremely gentle and easy about bringing your child into the dating situation that you find yourself in. Take small steps towards introducing them to a new partner, and be prepared to deal with some of the backlash if it comes. 

Be Considerate of Your Former Partner

Perhaps you have ill feelings towards your former partner, or maybe you get along just fine. Either way, you should consider that person when you start to date someone new. You don’t necessarily have to run out and tell them that you have a new romantic interest or that you’ve been hooking up nonstop, but you should let them know what is going on if your new romantic interest will be around your former partner’s children. 

If you are still in the middle of a custody battle when you spark up a new relationship, this could complicate matters even more. It is not illegal to date someone new while still in the middle of a custody battle, but your former partner may attempt to use this against you in a court of law as they battle for custody. 

There are a lot of complications that come with being a single parent and dating. You don’t want to give up all of the joys of sex and dating just because you happen to be single and a parent, but understand that it is not as simple as it initially seems. However, if you take proactive steps to make the process easier on yourself, you’ll be on the right track.

Good luck!

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How To Tell Your Adult Offspring You’re a Swinger 

The swinger lifestyle is unique, to say the least, and it’s always possible someone in your family may find out you are a swinger even if you’re trying to hide it. That’s why it’s essential to think about what you might say to a loved one who found about your activities before you were ready to tell them yourself. 

How Private Is Your Sexuality?

People have different levels of openness in terms of what goes on in their bedrooms. Some swingers are comfortable with those close to them knowing about their sexual endeavors. This can include friends, though people don’t let their families know swinging is a prominent part of their life in many cases. There are many online tools you can use to keep your online profiles and photos private. However, your grown offspring may eventually find out on their own no matter how careful you are. 

Many people choose to tell their offspring that they’re swingers to preempt any chance they’ll discover it on their own or, worse yet, from someone else.

If you choose to tell family members that you’re a swinger, think through the pros and cons. If they find out on their own, take an open and cautious approach when communicating. This information can be tough for loved ones to hear, leading to a critical conversation about personal decisions, personal growth, individuality, and numerous other topics.

If You Want To Tell Them About Your Open Lifestyle

If you’re interested in telling your family members about your swinger lifestyle, keep in mind that everyone may not fully accept it. You know your family members, and you know your offspring. That said, some people have experiences they’ve not told other people about and may come in hot with judgment. Other people may be curious about your philosophy and have questions about your decisions.

Being educated in how the swinger lifestyle works, including how to communicate that you and your partner enjoy the lifestyle and consent to it, is essential. Think about the pros and cons, including possible negative reactions and potential fallout you could get as a result. Above all, be tactful in your approach as this can be considered sensitive information to some people. 

Keep in mind that this is new information, and for many people, it’s a big deal. Be calm, patient, and if you need to direct people to a website for more information before having an in-depth talk, the Adult FriendFinder advice lines have plenty. 

If They Discover Evidence Before You Were Ready

There is a wide range of things that will make people suspect that something sexual is happening behind the scenes. This can include flirty and sassy behavior with new people, which in some cases can be judged as cheating if all the information isn’t presented correctly. 

Family members can find phone numbers, see people out in public being frisky and flirtatious, and more. In more extreme scenarios, a family member may walk in on two couples getting frisky. This can be very awkward and way harder to explain, so be sure to put safeguards in place to ensure the wrong people don’t accidentally walk in on your sexual fun. 

If being walked in on is a concern, try to have these experiences at places other than your home. 

If a family member discovers evidence and feels the need to have a conversation, be patient and expect questions. Recognize other people’s feelings as valid while also respecting your own. The way you approach this type of conversation can greatly impact how accepting people are of these personal life choices in the future. 

What Are The Positives To Sharing Your Truth?

People don’t enjoy sneaking around, and in some cases, they feel like their swinger lifestyle is something they need to keep a secret. There are many reasons people want to keep these things secret, including career, judgment from others, religion, and more. 

There are positives to communicating with your offspring that you’re in an open relationship and enjoy sexual fun with multiple people. If they find evidence that you’re having sexual playtime with people other than your partner, they may think you’re cheating, which can cause resentment and other types of conflict. 

It can also be a weight off your shoulders if your offspring accepts and understands your decisions. Having to sneak around can cause some people internal guilt, which can be avoided through open communication. Weighing the positives and the negatives is essential.

Final Notes 

Coming out as a swinger or kinkster can be an impactful decision that brings intense feelings to family members. If you’re looking to let your offspring know that you’re in the sexual lifestyle, take the proper precautions and set up a relaxing environment to do it in. Do your research, have resources, and go at the other person’s pace. It’s a lot to take in, particularly if your family members have their own views regarding sex and sexuality that don’t line up with yours.