Tag: swinging

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The Top 6 US Cities for Swingers

Whether you live in the United States or are just deciding where to visit the next time you’re across the pond, these are the top cities to visit, according to real swingers. 

Sure, there are plenty of swinger guides out there, but you can’t always trust those recommendations. Many are funded by groups that promote bias towards certain areas as swinger capitals to take advantage of tourist dollars. On the other hand, our guide is written by Adult FriendFinder members who aim to help swingers find the best parties and the most exciting hookup events nationwide.

6 Portland, OR

Commonly referred to as “the place where 30 year olds go to retire,” Portland, OR, was recently put on the map by the popular comedy series Portlandia. Long before that, the city was mainly known for three things: the best bookstore in the country, Voodoo Doughnut, and a massive number of swingers in a relatively small population. If you visit Portland and talk to a dozen people during your vacation, you’ll probably have spoken with 8 or 9 swingers along the way.

5 Los Angeles, CA

Los Angeles is a great swinger city for entirely different reasons. The place is packed full of aspiring actresses, singers, dancers, and models, all staying in terrific shape as they pursue a career in the entertainment industry. Many of those same people are blowing off a little steam at swinger parties all around the valley as well. Who knows, that guy or girl you met last week at a backyard orgy may soon be the celeb you see on television every week.

4 Chicago, IL

The windy city got its name from the strong air currents coming from nearby lakes, but the huge buildings aren’t the only thing getting blown in Chi-town. A great group of swingers lives in Chicago, and many traveling circuit parties go through the town from time to time. But what caught our attention was how much more organized the swinger events seem to be. It’s so easy to find swinger events online and then head out for a night or weekend of fantastic sex soon after.

3 Albuquerque, NM

The ABQ may not be the first place that comes to mind among people new to the poly lifestyle, but there is now (and always has been) a thriving swinger community in New Mexico. Maybe it’s the green chili in the food, or perhaps it’s the wide-open spaces that lead residents to yearn for adventure – in any case, Albuquerque is a place you should definitely consider visiting. 

2 Las Vegas, NV

Known for the glitz and opulence of huge casinos, fancy clubs, and showgirls, the famous saying what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas applies to your swinging life as well. It’s a big city with plenty of sexy people and even sexier parties going on at all hours of the day and night. 

1 New York, NY

The decline of the Big Apple was vastly overstated in so many ways, including the swinging lifestyle. New York has always had everything because it has a massive population and so many exciting venues to meet people. From Central Park to private parties in swanky Park Place penthouse apartments, there is always ample opportunity to meet others seeking no strings attached arrangements, dates, and group hookups in the Empire State and its central hub of Manhattan.

What are some of your favorite cities to visit as members of the sex and swinging community?

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How to Plan Your First Orgy

Anyone who has ever masturbated knows one is too few people for a quality orgy. But if you’ve gone to a big sex party and felt a bit out of place, then you also know that hundreds of people make an orgy much less intimate than you may desire. So, how many people should you invite to your next orgy, and what else should you know about creating a great guest list that will satisfy every participant?

Planning an orgy takes time, consideration, and tact. There are numerous ways to plan one, so if you’re interested in hosting an orgy, the tips below can help you get started. In orgies, consent is vital, as is trust. While some people prefer to have orgies with strangers, others only invite people they know and trust.

Space is a Consideration

Many people consider five to be the minimum number of participants for an orgy. Three people is a threesome, four is a foursome, and five or more is an orgy. The amount of available space is a determining factor in finding your ideal orgy numbers. People should be able to get comfortable, with a proper amount of furniture to play on. In most cases, oversized chairs, beds, and couches will suffice. Some people choose to put placemats and mat covers on the floor, another option for creating more space where many people can roll around at once. Smaller pieces of furniture can be limiting if multiple people want to touch each other simultaneously.

If you’re considering having an orgy and don’t mind who hosts the event, you can talk amongst the people involved to determine the ideal space among those available. However, keep in mind that if you don’t know someone well, you may want to do some vetting before considering their place for your next orgy. 

Think About Establishing Safety Protocols

Will your orgy require people to have condoms and switch between partners? Are you going to be asking for a recent STI test? People have different standards when it comes to setting up an orgy. Those who are considering attending will have questions. They will want to know about safe sex practices, and they will also want to know about how you are vetting people for the party. Gather your thoughts on these things and communicate them to your guests in advance so they can be prepared. 

The Right Number of People For an Orgy – It’s About the People

The best number of people for an orgy is also impacted by who is there. If one person is sucking the positive energy out of the room, one less person (that one) might be better. This is why vetting is so necessary. If you’re hosting a party and a person is causing issues, removing them may be the best option. The goal is for everyone at the party to have a good time, so be a good host and help that happen.

Sending Out Invites

When organizing an orgy, do not give the address of the orgy to just anyone. To maintain an ideal number of people in the orgy, you will want to limit the numbers. After determining the perfect number, it’s time to find people for the event. For example, if you’re inviting friends and friends of friends, pick two or three people to invite first, and ask them if they have people they vouch for who would also like to attend.

Ensuring that each person has somebody they are least familiar with outside of themselves can help increase comfort levels and get the action going faster.

If you’re looking to meet new people you can invite to your sex party, Adult FriendFinder is a fantastic resource. You may already have people in your network looking for orgies to attend – all you have to do is ask! Adult FriendFinder makes it easy to vet potential invitees so you can discuss consent and their thoughts on what an orgy should be. 

Don’t Start Too Big

Orgies have many moving parts, and one mistake people make is trying to plan an orgy that is much larger than they can manage easily on a first go ahead. There are logistics to planning an orgy, including space, snacks, vetting, and others. Each of these things takes time, and some take experience as well. As you continue to plan orgies, the vetting aspect will get easier. It also takes some time to figure out the appropriate amount of people for the space.

Having too many people in the space can make it hard to have the sexual fun you would like to have. Remember, people need to move around and get into different positions. There should also be an area dedicated to socializing for people who need a break or are not interested in watching other naked people fuck for the entirety of the night.

On the other hand, if you have ample space with few people, the party can feel empty. This can take away from the mood for some people, who may feel like “practically nobody showed up.” Starting small allows you to alleviate these fears. One way that people move through this is by starting with four people they know will show up. Then, invite a few more people, and know that even if only three or four people show, fantastic group sex will happen. If you have enough space for more than five people, take some time to invite an additional two or three people as not everybody will come to your event each time.

Final Notes

It is always wise to think about your goals for your event. For example, if the goal is sex with strangers, the vetting process may differ. In addition, there may be more people overall. For example, many sex lovers are interested in orgies, and gangbangs are also popular. When considering the number of people to invite, consider specific genders attending. In orgies, people touch other people’s bodies, and gender is often not an issue.

Once your plan is in place, you’re ready to get going!

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The Beginner’s Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle

So you’re thinking of hopping on the swing set. Swinging is a lot of fun and can be a great way to spice up your primary relationship, but many people who try to get into swinging have little success setting roots down in the community. The swinger lifestyle may seem like it’s all free love and wild sex parties, but there are some Swing-Etiquette axioms you should observe. Otherwise, you may find yourself watching people on the swing set instead of being able to go for a ride yourself.

Talk the Talk.

If you want to be a swinger, you have to talk like a swinger. Nothing says newbie like a vanilla who asks to full swap with a lifestyler who is only offering a same-room soft swap. To help you avoid these awkward situations, let’s look at some swinger vocabulary you need to know.

  • Swinger – Someone who has sexual encounters, in a non-relationship setting, with people outside of their primary relationship.
  • Vanilla – This is more than just a flavor of ice cream – it’s also a term used for people who aren’t swingers. However, it can also be used for people who aren’t kinky, so always be aware of context when referring to yourself as not vanilla.
  • Lifestyle – This is a term used to identify people who are swingers. You may read things like, “We are in the lifestyle.”
  • Play – To engage in sexual activity, though not necessarily sexual intercourse.
  • Soft Swaps – People who only have non-penetrative sex outside of their primary partner or spouse.
  • Full Swap – People who have penetrative sex with people other than their primary partner or spouse.
  • Same Room – This means they will play with you, but their partner has to be in the same room.
  • Unicorn – A single female who likes to hook up with couples.
  • Polyamorous – To have an intimate relationship with more than one partner.
  • Ethically Non–Monogamous – to seek intimacy outside of one’s primary relationship with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved.

Now that you know some swing speak, how do you go about meeting swingers? The best way is to use your AdultFriendFinder.com profile to meet other like-minded swingers.

Be Nice or Leave.

When you set up your profile, there are some basic things you want to avoid. If you’re single, try not to sound like a shallow, sex-hungry fool. Don’t write that you’re looking for a quick bang or that your favorite kind of partner leaves afterward. And please, don’t post pictures of your genitals. I’m sure your genitals are lovely; they may even be the best thing about you, but wait until someone asks to see them. If someone wants to see a picture of your private parts, they will let you know.

While you’re at it, don’t say you want to avoid fatties, or that tiny dicks need not apply. Yes, we’re all physical beings, and physical attraction is vital, but make your point without being rude. Even people who fit your criteria may be turned off if you sound like a jerk, so keep your options open by simply being nice.

For couples, the same advice is especially important. A bad match can potentially be twice the headache when dealing with another couple.

Be Clear About What You Want. 

Being able to articulate your interests will help you find a compatible playmate, so be clear about what you’re looking for. If you’re into kink or prefer to watch, say so. If a soft swap sounds super hot to you, but being in the same room doesn’t then make it clear. Remember, ambiguity only leads to bad experiences. The first step to swinging is taking a moment to think about precisely what you want and explaining that to people who are meeting you for the first time.

Create the Perfect Profile.

Think of your Adult FriendFinder profile as your sales pitch. Even if you’re a couple looking for a single playmate or another couple, the dating rules still apply. You’re presenting yourself in a way that’s making you of interest to others, so tell them about yourself and let them know what you’re looking for. Don’t tell people you’re a cranky old a-hole that no one likes to talk to, and that’s why you’re online. Tell people you’re a couple that plays games together or that you like to hike. Talk about your love of microbreweries or a favorite shared book. It can be hard to write about yourself, so write as though someone else was describing you. Or better yet, have a friend help you write it.

The best way to make your profile pop, however, is to post an attractive photo. People assume that you’re posting the picture that makes you look the best, so don’t post pictures that make you look like a sleep-deprived troll doll. Instead, brush your hair, wash your face, put on clean clothes, pick up the laundry on the floor behind you, and take a great pic. While you’re at it, be sure to keep the roommates, the pets, and the toilet out of the shot. It’s essential to show potential swinging partners that you’re an individual/couple who will be a blast to swing with. This photo is their first impression of you – so make it a good one!

Take it to the Next Level.

Once you’ve met someone online, don’t just try to meet up as soon as they say “hi.” Talk to them a bit. Get to know them. It’s OK to ask about their partner or spouse and learn more about their situation because if you do meet up, there’s a good chance you may meet their partner or spouse as well. Once you decide to meet up, make sure to talk about your expectations and limitations. If you’re expecting full swap right off the bat and they just want to get drinks and chat, you’ll end up frustrated, and so will they. Remember — if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t do it.

Play by the Rules. 

Here are some common rules you may encounter in the swinger lifestyle community:

  • No sex with single men. Single men are not often considered swingers and can be frowned upon in the lifestyle.
  • No sex or play without partner/spousal consent or knowledge.
  • No “taking one for the team.” Do not allow yourself to be pressured into sex by your partner or anyone else.
  • No fluid exchange. This means using condoms and dental dams at all times.
  • No kissing, as some find the act to be too intimate.
  • No alcohol or drugs. It’s common for people to want to abstain from anything that could compromise consent.

Play it Safe. 

Another common thing to expect after meeting someone is for them to ask for a copy of your most recent STI testing. If you haven’t gotten one in the past three months, now is an excellent time to go to a clinic and update those results. Turn around is fair play, so you should ask to see theirs as well.

While we’re on the topic of safety, make sure you have an out when meeting in person for the first time. Keep a good excuse to leave handy just in case the chemistry is off or something else just doesn’t feel right. Just because you agreed to get together and play doesn’t mean you have to, so remember you can always leave at any time. It’s also a good idea to let your partner know where you’ll be and have a set check-in time. That way, if they don’t hear from you, they’ll know something is wrong and take action. Meet in a public place first, then go somewhere private if you’re still interested. Drive your own car as well, so you can leave when you want.

The biggest thing to remember is that you don’t have to have sex the first time you meet. Just because you don’t plan to date the person doesn’t mean that you have to play with them right away. Plenty of swingers take the time to get to know one another, as well as each other’s partners, before playing together. Just remember – it’s always good to shake hands before touching genitals!

For more tips from experienced swingers or to meet sexy swingers in your area, head over to AdultFriendFinder.com now!

 

 

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How To Tell Your Adult Offspring You’re a Swinger 

The swinger lifestyle is unique, to say the least, and it’s always possible someone in your family may find out you are a swinger even if you’re trying to hide it. That’s why it’s essential to think about what you might say to a loved one who found about your activities before you were ready to tell them yourself. 

How Private Is Your Sexuality?

People have different levels of openness in terms of what goes on in their bedrooms. Some swingers are comfortable with those close to them knowing about their sexual endeavors. This can include friends, though people don’t let their families know swinging is a prominent part of their life in many cases. There are many online tools you can use to keep your online profiles and photos private. However, your grown offspring may eventually find out on their own no matter how careful you are. 

Many people choose to tell their offspring that they’re swingers to preempt any chance they’ll discover it on their own or, worse yet, from someone else.

If you choose to tell family members that you’re a swinger, think through the pros and cons. If they find out on their own, take an open and cautious approach when communicating. This information can be tough for loved ones to hear, leading to a critical conversation about personal decisions, personal growth, individuality, and numerous other topics.

If You Want To Tell Them About Your Open Lifestyle

If you’re interested in telling your family members about your swinger lifestyle, keep in mind that everyone may not fully accept it. You know your family members, and you know your offspring. That said, some people have experiences they’ve not told other people about and may come in hot with judgment. Other people may be curious about your philosophy and have questions about your decisions.

Being educated in how the swinger lifestyle works, including how to communicate that you and your partner enjoy the lifestyle and consent to it, is essential. Think about the pros and cons, including possible negative reactions and potential fallout you could get as a result. Above all, be tactful in your approach as this can be considered sensitive information to some people. 

Keep in mind that this is new information, and for many people, it’s a big deal. Be calm, patient, and if you need to direct people to a website for more information before having an in-depth talk, the Adult FriendFinder advice lines have plenty. 

If They Discover Evidence Before You Were Ready

There is a wide range of things that will make people suspect that something sexual is happening behind the scenes. This can include flirty and sassy behavior with new people, which in some cases can be judged as cheating if all the information isn’t presented correctly. 

Family members can find phone numbers, see people out in public being frisky and flirtatious, and more. In more extreme scenarios, a family member may walk in on two couples getting frisky. This can be very awkward and way harder to explain, so be sure to put safeguards in place to ensure the wrong people don’t accidentally walk in on your sexual fun. 

If being walked in on is a concern, try to have these experiences at places other than your home. 

If a family member discovers evidence and feels the need to have a conversation, be patient and expect questions. Recognize other people’s feelings as valid while also respecting your own. The way you approach this type of conversation can greatly impact how accepting people are of these personal life choices in the future. 

What Are The Positives To Sharing Your Truth?

People don’t enjoy sneaking around, and in some cases, they feel like their swinger lifestyle is something they need to keep a secret. There are many reasons people want to keep these things secret, including career, judgment from others, religion, and more. 

There are positives to communicating with your offspring that you’re in an open relationship and enjoy sexual fun with multiple people. If they find evidence that you’re having sexual playtime with people other than your partner, they may think you’re cheating, which can cause resentment and other types of conflict. 

It can also be a weight off your shoulders if your offspring accepts and understands your decisions. Having to sneak around can cause some people internal guilt, which can be avoided through open communication. Weighing the positives and the negatives is essential.

Final Notes 

Coming out as a swinger or kinkster can be an impactful decision that brings intense feelings to family members. If you’re looking to let your offspring know that you’re in the sexual lifestyle, take the proper precautions and set up a relaxing environment to do it in. Do your research, have resources, and go at the other person’s pace. It’s a lot to take in, particularly if your family members have their own views regarding sex and sexuality that don’t line up with yours. 

 

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Online Dating Can Turn a Closed Losing Marriage Into an Open Winner

You’ve been married for many years, and you love your spouse; nobody questions that. However, you’ve also been cooped up in your apartment together for more than a year, thanks to quarantine. With all social activities on pause, you watched every show on Netflix, and now you need some time away from each other. First, understand and accept that your feelings are entirely normal.

The old cliché that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” has never been more accurate, and millions of married couples are learning that lesson first-hand now that they’ve been cohabitating in such close proximity without a break.

It was easier when one or both partners flew out on business trips a few times a year and came back with exciting stories about all the places they’d been. It was more fun when everyone went to work at the office five days a week and came home with all the gossip of office politics to discuss and strategize about during dinner.

Now, you sit across from each other, with nothing new to say, no stories to tell, and a history that’s become so tightly intertwined that the element of surprise is all but a memory. At this point, you may be wondering, is this all there ever was or will be for our married life? If this is the case, it may be time to open the emotional window and let some fresh air into your relationship.

Aren’t Open Marriages Just for Hippies and Sex Addicts?

The old stereotype that open relationships are for hippies and sex addicts no longer holds water. Sure, they probably like open relationships as much as the next person, but there are tons of people out there who aren’t hippies and sex addicts but still manage to live an exciting life because they’re willing to have an open mind about sex.

When marriage first became a thing, people only lived to be twenty or thirty years old. If you got married at 18 and passed on at 30, you were only in that closed relationship for 12 years. In the modern era, people often get married and stay married for 4 or 5 decades. Why would you want to exclude love and lust from other people so you can say you made it forty years without fucking anyone else? You do know they don’t give out trophies for monogamy, right?

Can An Open Marriage Make Your Relationship Stronger?

Studies have shown that polyamorous couples often agree their marriage is stronger because it is an open relationship. How could that possibly be true? Let’s look more deeply at the dynamic:

1 – Variety Is the Spice of Sex

Just like in other aspects of your life, variety can improve your sex life as well. Why have sex with the same person repetitively for decades when you could be sharing them with others and having them learn new ways to please you while they’re at it? There’s an incredible joy in having your spouse do something new in bed and having them tell you as soon as they found out how to do it, they immediately wanted to come home and try it with you.

2 – Open Relationships Foster Open Communication

Can you be sure your spouse isn’t fooling around with someone at work or eyeing a cute waitress out of boredom at home? In an open relationship, none of that angst exists. If they want to bring home the waitress, they can smile and ask if you’re up for a three-way with her. So honest and straightforward, the concept itself is shocking to many married couples, and the positive effect it has on their relationship is often tremendously helpful.

3 – Exploring Together Is Exciting

You may have had a couple of bisexual experiences in your past or tendencies coming to the surface of your psyche later in life. Why repress who you are when you could be sharing yourself more fully with your spouse. Suppose he wants to feel what it’s like to have you sandwiched between him and another man, or she wants to enjoy the feminine aspect of her nature with a sexy hairstylist from her salon and her husband. Why not be part of that joint excitement and explore each other’s sexuality more deeply?

4 – As Long As You’re Honest, It’s Pretty Easy

The #1 bit of advice we can share from the Adult Friend Finder community is that honestly is where it all needs to start. We aren’t suggesting anyone do anything that makes them sad or unhappy. Still, discussing uncomfortable topics can often lead to breakthroughs with enormous rewards on the other side of any obstacle.

It’s worth an evening to sit down and discuss what you think about opening up your relationship with your spouse. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person just because you want to have a candid chat about the topic. Any spouse worthy of your trust is also confident enough to understand that discussing it doesn’t mean anyone has to do anything.

Share your thoughts and feelings. Maybe create an account on Adult Friend Finder so you can browse dating profiles together and see if there’s a spark you share for a specific kind of mate.

At the very least, even if you choose to keep your marriage completely closed off from the rest of the world, it will give you something to talk about for a few nights or more. Best case, you find common ground and can soon be filling your evenings or afternoons with the joy of new participants in the love and lust you already share for each other.