When I first found out about Adult FriendFinder, I looked at the site and browsed a bunch of dating profiles. At first glance, it seemed like everyone was living a really wild lifestyle. I noticed lots of BDSM enthusiasts, kinksters, and fetishists of all kinds. I don’t mind any of that; whatever floats your boat is fine, but that’s just not who I am. I love sex, but for me, sex is about intimacy and emotional connection, much more than about tight latex and electrodes.
I was nervous and shy as I created my profile, wondering how I would fit in being so much more “vanilla” than many other people I had seen on the site when I signed up. But, as it turns out, being kind of “straight and plain” sexually makes you rare in a good way for many of the other people you’ll meet on adult dating sites!
Yes, many members are circus contortionist-level gymnasts in bed and know every position in the Kama Sutra. Heck, I even met a gal who gets off on having sex mid-air while skydiving!
However, I can tell you that on many of my dates, when I’m open and honest about who I am, the reaction is usually something like, “it’s really refreshing to just go on a picnic and hop into bed for simple, hot, marathon sex that doesn’t require a harness and a power drill, haha!”
I learned that it’s totally normal to be “totally normal” on an adult dating site. Sure, you can let your freak flag fly if that’s your jam, and there are groups for damn near every kink I ever heard of, but ultimately the real benefit of joining the community is to be in a place where people are sex-positive without shame or judgment.
After talking to a few kinksters who became fuck buddies, I learned that some of those kinks and fetishes could be embarrassing or damaging to admit to friends, family, or work. For them, finding a sex-positive and non-judgmental community was really liberating, exciting, and a lot of fun to explore. Most of them said that while they love their kinky life, it wasn’t the only type of sex they enjoy, and they don’t always need partners who are into the same kinks. Like I said, sometimes they just want a picnic and a great fuck session.
I did find it intimidating at first, hell – I hadn’t even heard of some of the stuff some people were into. But, it was actually a lot of fun reading and learning about some of the things that turn people on. It was certainly intriguing, and I have had several offers to “dip my toe in the kink pool” if I wanted to try. What was great was that there was no pressure to give it a try when I said no. Well, I did find out I like to hear girls talking dirty, but again, that’s pretty much-putting sprinkles on my vanilla ass.
After spending some more time on the site, I realized something else. There are more “normal” people on the site than I was immediately aware of. You scroll through so many profiles that the unfamiliar jumps out at you when you first use the site, the leather, the collars, the BDSM pics, and piercings. But, once you slow down and really look, you’ll see that there are a lot of potential partners who just want to get laid – no muss, no theatrics, just a good fucking.
What’s funny is that over 50% of people in the US have fantasies about being tied up or spanked. It’s just that looking at a profile pic on a mainstream dating site doesn’t have it right there in your face, and few people are going to admit they enjoy “a glass of wine by moonlight and getting pegged while wearing a horsehead mask” in their profiles.
Let’s be honest for a second; sex is one of those weird subjects that many people are uncomfortable about sharing. As a new member, I had that initial culture shock around just how at ease everyone on Adult FriendFinder was about their tastes and wants and how open they were about posting pictures and blog posts about it. However, once that initial sense of being different passes, you can see just how broad the community’s tastes are, and that’s led to some amazing sex, some notable sex parties, and having a couple of fuck buddies that I see regularly. And maybe one enjoys a little light spanking now again.
My message to those of you who are like me and wondering if there’s a place for you on Adult FriendFinder is – do it! There are so many people here wanting so many different things to be whoever you want to be. If that means wanting to find someone to have plain, regular, missionary sex with the lights off while wearing a t-shirt, that’s great. You’re going to be just as happy as the dude who enjoys being hung from the ceiling by his nipple rings while someone spanks them with a vacuum hose and calls them a brat. Just be yourself, be honest with the people you play with, and you’ll do great!
Until next time,
Deven
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