Are you considering a new kind of relationship structure, or are you seeking to be in a new type of relationship? Whether you’re currently in a monogamous relationship or interested in finding new partners open to polyamory, this article explains everything you need to know. The main focus is how to approach your partner about polyamory. There are things you’ll need to talk about with your partner, and how you approach them can significantly impact how the conversation goes.
What is Polyamory?
Polyamory involves engaging in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, with the consent of all involved. Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, these relationships have sexual elements in addition to mental and emotional. For many polyamorous people, there is a focus on humankind’s ability to deeply love and commit to more than one person at a time. So, in addition to being in romantic relationships, polyamory can also involve dating multiple people. This is how people meet more romantic partners they connect with in big ways.
Another word people use for polyamory is a shortened version of the word, poly. People are curious about polyamory, particularly when they hear about its existence. This relationship format is not for everyone, though some swear by it.
Approaching Your Partner About Becoming Polyamorous
If you’re interested in moving into polyamory with a partner, approaching them should be done respectfully and tactfully. People are interested in different relationship formats, and poly relationships are flexible in how they work. Both partners can chat about what they would like the relationship to look like. The relationship can evolve over time as experiences happen, so long as people’s needs are met.
Tact & Manners Matter More Than You May Think
An important point about polyamory is that it is not often a fix for relationships that do not have good communication, trust, and understanding already. Polyamory usually means that people need to be open with their feelings, communicate well and with tact, and be aware of communicating their needs and wants. Communicating needs and wants is essential, as is understanding and working with other people’s needs and desires to develop a relationship structure that works for everyone in it.
If you approach a partner about polyamory, choose a time that makes sense. For example, if your partner is stressed when they first get home from work, you may want to postpone until the energy and mood are more likely to be better suited for deep conversation.
Communicating a desire to be in a polyamorous relationship should also involve telling your partner how much you value them. If they do not feel loved, wanted, and respected in their monogamous relationship, they will be less likely to want to explore relationships with other people. Of course, questions always come up, including how time will work, how the finances could work, and other elements of relationships are also likely to be addressed.
Use Exploratory Questions to See if Being Poly Would Work for you Both
Using exploratory questions is a great way to get a foot in the door and see how the other person feels about the possibility of being in a polyamorous relationship. Asking your partner if they would consider discussing the possibility of being in a polyamorous relationship will let you read their body language, hear their words, and give them a little bit of time to think about it and do research before giving a definitive answer.
Some people also bring up polyamorous relationship concepts in conversation, which is a great way to feel your partner up and see how they feel about the topic. If the partner you’re talking to is uncomfortable, it will likely take a little time to get a feel of where they initially stand. They may, at some point, do more research and learn more about polyamory, which can also impact how they feel about it.
If your partner is not up for the exploration, respect that decision. Ask them if they might be open to doing research and reevaluating at a later point in time. People can ask plenty of exploratory questions, which must be tactful.
Avoid Negative Assumptions & Be Open to Their POV on Being Poly
Avoid negative assumptions and speak for yourself when discussing the possibility of being in a polyamorous relationship. Some people may feel that polyamory is a perfect fit for their philosophy on life. Others may find it quite far from their ideal. Over time and with communication, people who seem far apart in their views may come up with a format that works. That said, respecting other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants, is essential.
It may also be helpful to get some advice about polyamory from a counselor who is familiar with it or someone you trust before first bringing it up to your partner. Speak clearly about your feelings rather than how the other person affects your life. Your chat about polyamory should not be about the other person but rather your feelings on life and love and where your relationship could move positively in the future.
Understanding Your Own Dating Needs is the First Step
Some healthy introspection is a great plan. By thinking about your needs, you will learn more about your motivations. If there are issues in your marriage, for example, just moving over to a polyamorous relationship won’t fix them. They could even pull you further away from your partner.
Do your research and learn more about polyamory in general. This includes the positives, as well as the potential roadblocks that could come up. Reading relationship stories from people who have been in or tried polyamorous relationships is a good plan. Learn more about how this type of relationship affected the relationships you read about. Remember that you will also need to talk about whether you will be public about your polyamory and how that could affect your relationships with family members, friends, and more.
Learn To Speak The Same Language As Your Mate
Different people have different ways of communicating. If you haven’t already invested with your current partner in finding ways to communicate well, it’s a good idea to do this before talking about polyamory. Being in a polyamorous relationship means speaking the same style when needed and being on the same page. A commitment to polyamory also often means a commitment to even more communication than your current relationship.
Continue Investing In Your Original Relationship
If you decide to try polyamory out, you will need to continue to invest in your relationship for it to be successful over the long term. While discussing polyamory with a partner, you should continue investing in your relationship. The unions you have can be made stronger, shattered, or stay on the same track or similar track that they are already on. Feelings of jealousy can occur; these feelings are natural.
How each person responds to the jealousy, how they communicate with each other about it, and possible ways to mitigate it are essential. There are different ways people can continue investing in their relationships, too. Polyamory is not about lessening the existing relationships but rather about helping enhance relationships and grow.
Have A Clear Picture of What Poly Means to Both of You
Have a clear picture of what you want and are looking for. That said, keep in mind there may be some negotiation, and your initial picture may change and adjust based on your partner’s needs and on things you may have yet to consider. You and your partner must be on the same team for a polyamorous relationship to work well.
Consider whether you are looking for an open relationship when it comes to flirting or sex or whether you are interested specifically in dating other people and fostering deep, loving long-term relationships.
Polyamory can take on different structures and be done in different ways. As long as you and your partner want the same things, the relationship can work well.
Sometimes Letting Your Partner Start is Better
Sometimes it’s best to let the person who is a little more hesitant venture out first. Thinking about polyamory’s potential benefits, taking things slow, and being supportive of each other can pay big dividends. Encouraging your partner to try it out first is helpful, particularly if they feel jealous or guilty. There are many ways to build trust and communicate well in polyamory, and this is just one of the options.
Some Final Notes About Starting a Polyamorous Relationship
One of the essential parts of being in a polyamorous relationship, especially in the approach, is continuing to invest in your relationship and letting your partner know that you value and love them. Using tact in conversation and choosing the right time to communicate with your partner is also essential.
Polyamorous relationships can have many of the same issues other relationships can, so making sure both people are on the same page is a big part of what makes them work. Communication, scheduling, investment, trust, and love are all needed. Polyamory can be a fantastic experience, and the idea that people can love and connect on deeper levels with more than one person can be quite liberating. So live your best life, have an open mind, and shoot for the stars wherever you find them!
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