Tag: sex dating advice

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Are You And Your Date Ready For Your First Sex Party?

You met online, and you’ve been hooking up for a while now. Nothing too serious but a good friends with benefits arrangement that has you both satisfied sexually with the bonus of being able to hang out and share a few laughs whenever the mood strikes. You’ve both been seeing other people all along, and now one of you has gotten an invite to a local swinger’s sex party. Attending a sex party together is a big step, but are you ready for it?

1 – Leave Your Jealousy At The Door

No-strings-attached doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t feelings involved. It just means you’ve agreed not to be a couple and all the baggage that entails. But you’re still human. It’s one thing to have an open relationship where you pursue your paramours independently. It’s another when you’re watching your partner fuck someone else in front of you, even if you thought it was hot as a fantasy. 

Be honest with yourself about whether you’ll feel jealous or possessive. Be prepared to ease yourself into the situation, just in case you find yourself surprised by the odd twinge of the green-eyed monster.

2 – Have A Candid Conversation Before You Go, Rather Than During

Ok, sure, it’s NSA, but this is now on the table for discussion. In the same way, you negotiated your first few hookups to learn about likes and dislikes, chat about how you both feel before jumping into the Uber and heading to the party. If you have any concerns, no matter how trivial, bring them up now. One benefit of developing a relationship with someone you met on Adult FriendFinder is that sex has always been a topic of discussion. The same rules apply now, though you may have developed a deeper friendship and may feel some nervousness about approaching the subject. 

3 – Discuss What You Want Out of The Event And Each Other

Be sure to cover what you feel comfortable with, as well as any limits or hard stops. If you feel more comfortable with them by your side at first because you’re, bring it up now. They may be the only person you know at the party and vice versa. Be sure that you both understand each other’s expectations and agree to them. 

4 – Have A Safe Word In Place In Case It’s Time To Go

While you’re developing your game plan, be sure to have some signals in place in case either of you gets uncomfortable, tired, or just aren’t feeling the vibe. Agree to honor them, even if you’re having a great time – ultimately, you decided to do this together.

5 – Be A Good Wingman 

You checked your issues and discussed everything with your fuck buddy. You both set up a list of what you want to get out of the evening and prepared an escape hatch if you need it.

Now go and have fun!

As a first-time participant, it may seem a little overwhelming. Just remember, these are people who love sex just like you, so enjoy the experience. When you first arrive, try to relax and get a sense of the vibe. You’re the newbies, so you’re likely to get attention pretty quickly. Still, it’s rare for people to be overly pushy and not respect your space or desires. People will be cool with hearing ‘no’ if they make an offer that doesn’t interest you. Don’t cock-block your partner if they want to do something unless it goes against what you’ve agreed – although your partner should support you regardless and not do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

In the same respect, don’t be assholes. Understand the house rules and be respectful when approaching someone. There will be plenty of other opportunities if the person you’re interested in playing with shoots you down. 

Sex parties are an exhilarating and liberating experience when everyone is in sync and ready to have fun. People are, generally, very respectful of other couple’s wishes. So if your partner wants to get in on that gangbang, or be the focus of it, be supportive (or join in) and expect the same from them. 

6 – Make Sure You Both Have Fun So You Can Do It Again

Hopefully, by the end of the night, you’re both grinning ear to ear, your genitals are buzzing from overstimulation, and you have some wild stories discuss on the way home.  If you used the tips above, you likely had a fun time without any uncomfortable moments. You ingratiated yourself with your hosts and their guests while pleasing your fuck buddy with an exciting evening out. That’s usually enough to get invited back or give you enough confidence to find other sex parties you can go to together.  

The Bottom Line

Swinging and sex parties can be an incredible experience. There’s a reason they’ve been happening for thousands of years and continue to gain in popularity. Sex comes with lots of baggage and potential hang-ups. Adding more people into the mix can exacerbate some of those, especially if you’re not in sync with your partner or partners that invited you. Respect for your hosts, their guests, and your partner will always make for a more positive and relaxed experience. By planning out your wants, likes, dislikes, and limits with a trusted partner before going out, your first sex party can be wildly successful and satisfying.

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How People with Disabilities Can Live Satisfying Sexual Lives

Approximately one billion people, or 15% of the population worldwide, live with some form of disability. On average, people with disabilities are more likely to face adverse social, physical, economic, and sexual disadvantages than people without disabilities.

About Disability and Sexuality

Sadly, the topic of sexuality and disability is taboo for many people without disabilities. They rarely discuss the issue, and consequently, approximately 50% of people with disabilities don’t have a regular sex life.

Research shows that few caregivers have reservations about helping a person with disabilities in the bathroom. However, many are apprehensive about giving advice or supporting people with disabilities in the bedroom.

Despite this being rampant, the truth is that the sex lives of people with disabilities are an issue that requires attention. Unfortunately, their need for assistance to lead satisfying sex lives continues to be disregarded, dismissed, or sidestepped as part of holistic care. It could be attributed to a longstanding stigma that surrounds disability and sex.

People with disabilities are sexual beings with sexual feelings, desires, thoughts, attitudes, and fantasies. Having a physical or intellectual disability doesn’t change their sexuality and desire to express it. According to the World Health Organization, sexuality is a basic human need inseparable from life’s other aspects.

Concerns About Disability and Sexuality

Disability impairs the physical ability to engage in regular sex life, strips individuals of confidence, and increases their worry levels about having sex. They have various concerns about sex, including:

  • Finding a partner
  • Whether the partner finds them attractive
  • Lack of confidence about their sexual performance or ability
  • Less desire and energy for sex
  • Whether they can have children
  • How their body moves or works
  • Fear of what other people will think and the fear of facing discrimination.
  • Concern about pain during sexual activity

These concerns may create frustration about the effects of disability on sexuality. If the concerns are overwhelming, it’s advisable to talk to a healthcare professional for relationship counseling or support for their sexuality.

Navigating Sex with a Disability

Support and information are available for people with disabilities who need help developing relationships and exploring their sexuality. In addition, healthcare professionals are making embryonic efforts to build manuals and tools to help people with disabilities satisfy their sexual needs. 

For example, the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority released guidelines for “Supporting Sexual Health and Intimacy in Care Facilities.” They outline that care facilities have a legal and ethical obligation to recognize, respect, and support clients’ sexual lives.

The United States Consortium for Spinal Cord Medicine also released similar guidelines. As a result, healthcare professionals have a mandate to deal with disability and sexuality openly and proactively.

Some practical solutions to enhancing the sex lives of people with disabilities include:

Care Providers

Many people with disabilities need a part-time or full-time caregiver. Care providers should assist them in getting into a position to have sex, clean them up before and after, and monitor them somehow. Understandably, this can create some fine lines of comfort levels, boundaries, and consent, especially when the person is verbally challenged.

Care providers should drop their judgments and preconceived notions of sex about who and how to have it. This way, they’ll better be able to support their clients to have the best sex and quality of life as a whole.

Sex Workers

There are growing movements worldwide that focus on connecting sex workers with people with disabilities to make the services more accessible. An example is Touching Base, an Australian organization that focuses on access, human rights, discrimination, and legal issues affecting marginalized communities.

Connecting sexual workers with people with disabilities is a double-edged sword, seeing that both communities face certain discrimination sets. However, by bridging this gap, people with disabilities can experience and explore their sexuality. It also helps destigmatize sex workers, painting them as valuable members of society.

In countries where sex work is legal, sex services provided to people with disabilities are a necessary means of support. Some special programs or grants may even fund the programs.

Technology

Technology is an incredible convenience in people’s lives. In sex issues, sex tech or sex toys can mean the difference between having a sex life and not. The market is awash with many sex tools designed to satisfy people who use them. They come in handy for people with disabilities who may not have the ability to thrust, cannot maintain an erection, or have limited dexterity.

Such tools include vibrating cushions, remote-controlled vibrators, wedge pillows, masturbation sleeves, and harnesses. They bring pleasure to the user’s sex life, especially those with a disability.

Sex Surrogates

Sex surrogates are professionally trained sexual partners that practice intimate physical contact with clients for payment. If necessary, the contact includes penetration to help clients work through the sexual problems that hinder them from having a productive sex life.

A psychotherapist supports the process to help the client address past sexual issues affecting the client. These include toxic relationships, sexual abuse, or trauma associated with a difficult birth. Other clients may be adult virgins or lack confidence because of their physical appearance.

Sexual surrogacy works because it addresses issues other therapies can’t, as its scope is broad and goes beyond sexual intercourse.

 

Sex Education

Many people and places overlook the importance of sex education for people with disabilities. The curriculum usually doesn’t include the topic, especially in special education classes.

This creates a problem, especially for those who want to explore their sexual desires but don’t have the information or tools to do it. Basic anatomy and how to navigate safe sexual boundaries are essential topics they need to learn.

Final Thoughts

The above types of interventions can help normalize sexuality for people with disabilities. They also open the floor to talk about normalizing sex beyond the general narrative of the penis and vagina.

Sex can look and feel different for everyone, and the most important thing is to find ways to experience pleasure while having more accessible sex. Adult FriendFinder provides more resources on how people with disabilities can enjoy sex as much as people without disabilities. Visit the Member Advice Lines for more insights.

 

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Movies To Watch On A Date That Put You In The Mood

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon, and if a little Netflix and chill is on the menu for you and your sweetheart, you may be looking for the perfect movies to get the sexy times started. 

There are generally five movie categories that get people in the mood to get physical: romance, romantic comedies, comedy, action, drama, and horror. With movies being great fodder for conversation overall, it can be easy to tailor your movie night around your date’s particular tastes. For example, maybe laughing together at a comedy puts them in the mood to get naked, or slasher films give them the adrenaline rush they need to get frisky. 

Whatever the genre, we’ve got you covered! 

Why Movies Make for Hot Dates 

Dates can get expensive, even if it’s something as simple as dinner and a movie. By the time you add up dinner and drinks, movie tickets, popcorn, candy, and all the other things that come along with the date, you could easily be out a few hundred dollars. A well-planned movie night at home, on the other hand, can be just as romantic and leaves even more time for the good stuff. So picture this: you cook a nice dinner together, share some wine and dessert over a great movie, then move on to sexier activities.

Top Romantic Movies To Get You In The Mood

Romantic films are the go-to choice and with good reason. These tend to put people in a good mood because they’re filled with sexual tension and feel-good moments. So whether you intend to make it to the end of the movies listed or hope to get it on after 15 minutes, here are some films that are known for making people want to have sex. 

Match Point 

Match Point is a fantastic film with high amounts of sexual tension. Starring Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Rhys Myers, this movie brings the fire. With hot scenes in the rain, passion, and actors who connect, this movie is the perfect choice for people interested in romance.

Someone Great

Someone Great was released in 2019 and stars Gina Rodriguez and LaKeith Stanfield. Although the movie is about a breakup, there are plenty of sexy scenes to get the blood pumping. It also offers many conversation starters that make it easy to transition into making out.

The film is rated highly by fans, and we can see why!

Secretary

This romance film is a classic that’s especially popular among those curious about or interested in BDSM. The innocent-looking Maggie Gyllenhaal puts on a stellar performance, and James Spader checks in with a phenomenal performance as well. There are many hot scenes, with plenty of power exchange and erotic fun. Secretary is a remarkable film with plenty of humor and lust that keep it moving at a good pace.  

Moulin Rouge

Moulin Rouge is a romance, drama, and musical all rolled into one. With Oscar-winner Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor, and John Leguizamo, the star-studded cast puts together a great reinvention of the musical. It was nominated for eight Academy Awards, including Best Picture. Taking place in a Paris nightclub that caters to the elite, this exhilarating story follows Kidman as a stunning courtesan and McGregor as a struggling young writer.

Pride And Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy

Pride And Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy is a romantic comedy presenting an adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel, set in modern times. While some humor and plot devices require an understanding of Mormon social and religious mores, it’s still a great way to start the conversation about sexuality from a historical perspective. 

Blue Valentine

Released in 2010, Blue Valentine is a highly rated comedy romance. In the film, Academy Award nominees Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling star are about an intimate and messy portrait of a disintegrating marriage. The premise finds the couple attempting to rekindle their romance while staying in a hotel. Blue Valentine is a movie that captures the passion of early relationships and the intensity of how they can develop over time.

Amelie

This critically acclaimed romantic comedy was nominated for five Academy Awards, including Best Original Screenplay, and the film was met with overwhelming acclaim nationwide. It follows Amelie, a shy waitress working in a tiny Paris café. After making a surprising discovery, Amelie sees her life drastically changing for the better. Dedicated to helping others and finding happiness, she explores the unexpected and finds meaning. But, will she do for herself what she has done for others? Watch the film with someone you are interested in to find out.

Brokeback Mountain

Brokeback Mountain is a film that turned heads when released in 2005. Two sheepherders, played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, start an increasingly passionate affair while keeping the relationship secret from their wives. While the effects of the affair proved to be agonizing for the pair in many ways, the film is filled with passion and brings viewers along on a journey of self-discovery. 

Casablanca

Casablanca is one of the most highly rated and reviewed films of all time. Starring Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart, the film is about a love triangle taking place in the city of Casablanca. Many foreigners headed to Casablanca looking for a new life during the war, and this is a landmark film and one that many movie lovers will enjoy.

The Final Cut

While this list is a great start, there are many other movies to explore for your next date night. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, Titanic, Sleepless In Seattle, PS I Love You, One Day, and Pretty In Pink are just a few you can add to your watch list. Chances are you and the person you are chatting with also have favorite movies of your own, so add those to the roster as well.

Good luck, and have fun! 

 

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Adult Dating In The Era of Variant Fatigue – Is STILL Hot AF!

Dr. Anthony Fauci and his team of scientists continue to lament the COVID-19 Delta Variant, and new variants are making themselves known every day. Furthermore, scientists have explained new variants will always be on the way, as will other pandemics. So, while some feel the fatigue of all these variants, how is it that the adult dating community continues to prove we can and must move on to a brighter future with care and passion?

Adult Dating Enthusiasts Have Lots of Experience

Perhaps the main element that makes adult dating communities so resilient in the face of a public health crisis is the fact that venerable online dating entities have been here long enough to have the kind of experience that matters most.

Covid is the first global pandemic in the last hundred years or more, but many other public health crisis events have occurred in the previous few decades. Perhaps most notably, the HIV / AIDS crisis severely challenged the dating community in most parts of the world. Yet, even as that challenge raged on, we still found ways to persevere. In fact, one might argue that dating enthusiasts are the ones who showed the world how to keep moving forward with a lust for life, even in the face of outbreaks and misinformation campaigns.

What Have We Learned And How Can We Apply It?

There are many lessons adult dating communities have learned over the years, and many of them can be applied just as well to the Covid pandemic. So let’s take a look back to see how we can all move forward:

1 – Find Information You Can Trust

The most important thing you can do to keep yourself and others safe is to look for information sources you can trust. Yes, doing your own digging online is important, but let’s not be foolish enough to call that “research.” Research is what trained scientists do every day in labs around the world with actual experimentation and testing. Reading a blog with a countervailing view can’t be considered of equal weight when balanced against peer-reviewed articles published in major scientific journals. Get actual facts, cross-reference several sources, and test your understanding by having civil discussions with others. Once you have a solid information fact-based understanding of what’s going on, deciding your own course of action becomes much more straightforward. 

2 – Accept Getting Most of What You Want

You might prefer sex without a condom, but at the height of the AIDS health crisis, barebacking strangers just wasn’t a safe way to engage in a series of one-night stands. You may need to make some alterations to your sex life during the pandemic, but if you are smart about it, you can still get almost everything you want out of your next fantasy session. Instead of being bummed that she didn’t swallow or annoyed that they wanted to see proof you have been vaccinated – go with it and enjoy a robust orgasmic experience with a smile instead of sitting home lamenting another lonely night by yourself.

3 – Only YOU Get To Choose Your Outlook

Facts are facts, and we all have to live with them, but only you get to choose your outlook on dating, life, and everything else. Walking around with a smile on your face is even more contagious than Covid! Nobody wants to spend time with a sad sack who constantly recounts all the hardships we’re experiencing. Life is what you make of it, and the world will keep spinning whether you are for or against it. So buck up, enjoy the sunshine, feel the warmth of chatting with others, and spread your light everywhere you go.

In the weeks, months, and years to come, we will continue to face all kinds of challenges. Eventually, modern medicine and human ingenuity overcome each, but new obstacles will present themselves, and each will require a new set of answers. Whether it’s a variant, an entirely new kind of pandemic, an asteroid hurtling towards the Earth, or some other unexpected event – bad things will happen. However, adult dating optimists can teach you that even in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity, being a caring, passionate and enthusiastic individual can make you a celebrated part of the solution.

 

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How Live Cam Sex Can Make Adult Dating Even Hotter

The face of adult dating has changed over the last decade. Technology has made things we once only dreamed of possible, such as webcam sex, interactive Bluetooth sex toys, and more.

These technological advances made it possible for people to stay connected during the pandemic, allowing long-distance lovers to explore each other sexually from a safe distance. Now, meeting people online, messaging with them, and then going on virtual dates is trendy, sexy, and widely accepted as a way to keep your love life going no matter what’s going on in the world.

Here are a few ways that cam sex can enhance dates.

Safety Is Sexy

When you’re exploring pleasure with a new lover, there can be a lot of anxiety surrounding the idea of meeting someone in person for the first time. You want to stay safe and eliminate the opportunity for awkward situations. Camming does just that so you can relax and be yourself. Since online dates tend to be shorter, you can also fit more into your schedule and interact with people who are further away than you may normally consider.

Online Dating Shortens The Distance

Virtual sex dates don’t offer the same level of intimacy as in-person hookups, but in many cases, they can shorten the distance between two people. When people look to date and meet people at bars, clubs, and other places, they tend to choose those within a half-hour drive. Virtual sex lets you expand your reach and get up close and personal with people you may never have considered before.

Without some external distractions from dating in real life, you also get more intimate interaction. Just be sure to protect your personal information, and keep in mind that trust is a part of getting naked with another person, whether you are online or in person.

Cam Dates Are Cheaper

When people go on dates in real life, they often meet at a restaurant, coffee shop, or other location. While these dates are fun and exciting, each of them costs money. Outside of this, there’s a time cost to travel to the date, and you need to pay for gas, parking, and potentially other parts of the date. Casual dating can be an investment, and virtual dating helps lower the cost. Whether you would typically be going to the movies, purchasing clothing, getting your hair done, and having other expenses, you can save money by having a sexy virtual date on webcam.

You Can Let Your Personality Shine

Some people change their behavior when going out on dates, especially first dates because they want to make a good impression and avoid judgment. There’s less initial investment with virtual adult dating, allowing people to relax and be themselves more easily. That way, you can truly connect with the people you are interested in most. Also, without distractions from being out in public, you can focus on each other instead of what’s going on around you.

Great For Getting Straight To The Sex

Another benefit of virtual cam dating is that you can cut to the chase and get straight to the sex. It takes a lot of work to get someone in bed with you, but when you eliminate the element of physical touch, people are more open right out of the gate. That way, you can figure out if you’re sexually attracted to each other before meeting in real life.

Have a Virtual Threesome

Want an impromptu threeway? Turn on your webcam and broadcast you and your sexy date being intimate with a cam model that lives a million miles away. That performer can encourage you both, give you tips and tricks to please each other, and share in the orgasmic joy of your latest sexual encounter straight from your screen to your bedroom!

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The 6 Stages Of Adult Dating

Adult dating can be sexy and fun, but it can also be a little tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing. Even if you’re a seasoned dater, the game is slightly different when sex is the focus. That’s why it’s essential to have a process in place, so you can minimize awkward encounters and make sure you and your potential partners find what you want.

The dating pros at Adult FriendFinder recommend integrating a six-stage system into your dating strategy so things will flow a lot easier as you search for a partner(s). AdultFriendFinder makes it easy to go through each of the six stages of adult dating and come out the other side with a fantastic FWB (friend with benefits), dating partner, or even a life partner. Sure, most people looking for a hookup only have casual encounters in mind, but sometimes the connection is undeniable, leading to much more.

The Stages of Adult Dating

The stages of adult dating include finding someone, making contact, chatting, meeting up, hooking up, and staying in touch. Of course, some people do all of the above, while others skip a few stages if the situation warrants it. Identifying the norm helps you figure out if you want to think outside the box or stay in the groove.

Stage One – Find Someone

The first and most crucial step is finding a mate, whether in-person or here on AFF. Given the current state of the world and the uncertainty of shutdowns and reopenings, most choose to stick with the online route. Communication is critical during this stage, regardless of what your goals are. Before you start communicating, however, browse for potential matches.

Finding a good match starts with research, so browse the people in your area, check out their photos, and be sure to read through their bios. It’s a great way to learn about what they’re looking for and get more details about potential conversation starters. Once you’ve found someone that piques your interest, it’s time to move on to the next step.

Stage Two – Make Contact

Once someone tickles your fancy, it’s time to make contact and let them know that they’ve caught your eye. If you’re unsure of what you’re looking for, you can still contact members you find attractive. Start by sending a flirt if you’re feeling a little shy, or go all out and send them a message. Include a paragraph that shows them you’ve read their bio, understand what they have stated as their wants, and ask a few questions to encourage a response.

Stage Three – Take Some Time To Chat
Once you reach out to a potential new sex friend, take the time to chat and get to know them a bit. Talk about what you’re looking for, what you enjoy, and how things could work. Of course, communication should include discussing your boundaries as well. Knowing another person’s limits is essential for casual sex fun, particularly if you’re looking to get kinky and taboo. Once you’ve clicked with the other person and determined that your sexual preferences match, it’s time to take the next step.

Stage Four – Meet Up In Public

Safety is a priority when it comes to online dating, especially when it comes to casual sex. That means always having specific safety procedures in place any time you meet up with a new person. For example, always meet up in public first, even if you’re going right to someone’s place after the fact. And always make sure someone on your end knows where you’re going and who you’re with. Some people even choose to have this person on-call should they see any red flags and feel like they need to make an exit.

Stage Five – Meeting Up In Private
Ah yes, the fun part! You know the other person is cool, and you’re ready for some private time, but remember that safety is still important. So bring condoms, and keep in mind that consent is essential and can be revoked at any time. You should also make sure at least one friend knows where you are and give them your new play partner’s contact information to be extra safe.

Once things start to heat up, be honest about your needs and communicate with your new sex friend. If you need to move at a slower pace, share that as well. You should also watch the amount of alcohol you drink before and during the fun, so you know that everyone can consent. Having your sexual experiences with a clear mind is essential and has many benefits.

Stage Six – Keep In Touch

Be sure to check in with your new friend after the fact, especially if you’re hoping a second romp is in your future. Let them know you had a great time and would like to see them again soon. In the old days, people wanted to wait a few days before sending this message, but there’s no waiting period in modern times. So, feel free to send your new play partner a message as soon as you get home or the following day if you’re too tired. If you spend the night, that same afternoon is fantastic. Just be sure to keep your message focused on the sexual fun and so your partner doesn’t mistakingly get the idea you want to date them. By keeping in touch, even if you don’t meet up again in the next few weeks or months, you’re leaving the door open for fantastic sex and orgasms later on!

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How to start a Friends With Benefits Relationship

When you find the person who is destined to be your life partner, you’ll know it. It sounds cliché, but many people echo that sentiment because it’s true. On the other hand, what about all the amazing people you meet who may not be Mr. or Mrs. Right but would do a fantastic job of being Mr. or Mrs. Right Now?!

FWB – Friends With Benefits Arrangements

You get along great together whenever you hang out. You share plenty in common and always enjoy each other when you head out on hikes or meet up for a concert and all that other fun stuff. Then one night you notice, his bulge in those jeans is beautiful! You’ll never get past your political differences. Your families can’t stand each other for whatever reason, he’s allergic to your cats, and the idea of a long-term relationship doesn’t make any sense in your life right now anyway. But what about that bulge?

Millions of singles are turning to Friends With Benefits arrangements, finding partners and playmates who are almost a match, and turning these near misses into the kind of sexual encounters others can only dream about. Once you have the boundaries in place, it’s fun, and it’s easy to maintain an FWB relationship. Setting it all up can be a little tricky, so we asked Adult FriendFinder dating community experts for their advice, and here is what we’ve come up with to help you get started.

Be Very Clear About Your Intentions

Nobody wants to be manipulated with mind games or lead on in a way that makes them think there’s hope for something long-term down the line. However, you may be surprised at just how many people are thrilled with the idea of being in a mature open relationship that mixes friendship and sex without any of the pretense or confusion long term relationships are known for creating.

Just be straight up from the get-go – “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, I really like you and I’m wet pretty much every time you get near me. I’m not in the right head space for any kind of relationship right now and I don’t think this will ever become more than a great friendship, but if you want to fuck, I feel like that’s something we could start doing… right now.“

Set Agreed Upon Boundaries From The Start

The boundaries can be just about anything as long as you agree to them with your partner. Perhaps you only want to play if he wears a condom; maybe you aren’t interested in oral sex or want to make sure he doesn’t bootycall you any time after 9 PM on a weekday. Whatever limits you want to put in place, get them out on the table right at the start, and the rest of your FWB arrangement will go a whole lot smoother.

Also, keep in mind, your FWB arrangement is a two-way street. Ask if they have any boundaries they want you to abide by, and make sure their intentions align with your own. Aligning your goals and limits early on can help you avoid all the complications of trying to figure it out as you move forward, which is so much more complicated once mutual orgasms start clouding your decision-making skills.

Be Willing To Accept No For An Answer

FWB is something you should only bring up once. If you’re in a strong friendship and ask about going the FWB route, be prepared for your friend to say no. If they decide for whatever reason FWB doesn’t work for them right now, accept it with a smile. Nothing changed, you still have an awesome friend, and you’ll just have to find someone else to fuck. Nothing is worse than the friend who asks about an FWB arrangement and won’t drop it even after the other friend says they aren’t interested. 

You should also be sure to avoid bargaining. If the target of your affection has a couple of requested boundaries, that’s one thing. But if the conversation turns into a negotiation and they start saying things like “I’ll only do this if you’re willing to do that…” then you’re probably better off finding someone else to create a simpler arrangement with. You’re trying to get their pants off; you aren’t trying to cosign a mortgage together. Keep it light and easy, or find someone else who will be more eager to hook up with you.

FWB Is Almost Always Best Done On The Down Low

So you finally found out your friend has been having the same fantasies for months, and the two of you hooked up in what is sure to become an on-again, off-again, you on top again sort of arrangement. Congrats! Now you want to keep your new FWB going, and you want to avoid messing it up for everyone.

The most common mistake new FWB lovers make is sharing their arrangement with others. Some ego-driven nonsense causes one of you to tell a coworker, or a gossip mistake leads you to mention it to one of your BFFs over coffee. Sharing this information almost always creates complications, and the upside is nearly nonexistent. Why live with a jealous roommate because you told them what’s going on? Do you want to deal with embarrassing jokes at inappropriate times from people who have no business putting their nose in your business just because you excitedly told them about your new squeeze when you shouldn’t have? From a communication standpoint, why not just keep it in your pants, and enjoy your time with your new FWB without informing anyone else?

Sure, if you become fuck-buddies for months, others are eventually bound to figure it out on their own, but that’s way different from you telling them about it or confirming their suspicions. When you openly talk about it, that gives them emotional license to bring it up any time they feel like it or leaves you to ask them not to bring it up anymore awkwardly. If they figure it out and you just smile instead of answering, they may have a clue about what you’ve been up to, but they won’t bring it up or feel authorized to start asking questions.

What Happens With My FWB When It’s All Over?

By their nature, every FWB will end eventually. Maybe one of you finds a more serious relationship with someone else. Perhaps one of you moves on from the moment emotionally. There are so many reasons an FWB can end, and nothing to keep your fling going but the raw, primal urges you both felt when it started. The simple answer is, let it go!

It sounds easy because it is easy. You are both mature adults; you both knew what you were getting into when it started, and you both got out of it exactly what you were hoping for before it finished. Now let it go with a smile. Be happy for your friend, be happy for yourself, and most of all, be happy you can always start a new FWB with someone else if that’s what you want. 

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AFF Health Advisory: COVID-19 Safe Sex Guidelines

When the world went into quarantine, people suddenly found themselves home alone with nothing – and no one – to do. It’s a far cry from the hot hookups and lust-fueled sex parties everyone is used to, and while some have turned to virtual sex, many still crave skin-on-skin contact. 

Most states have lifted stay-at-home orders for the time being, but the COVID-19 pandemic is far from over. With some states contemplating secondary shutdowns and hospitalization rates on the rise, most experts say it’s best to avoid sexual contact with people outside of your immediate household. Abstinence is undoubtedly an effective way to prevent Coronavirus’s spread, but it may not be realistic for everyone, especially if this pandemic continues into the coming months and even years.

So, the real question is, how can you be sexually active while still taking measures to protect yourself? No method is 100% safe, but that doesn’t mean you should throw caution to the wind. Here are some tips to help you stay safe based on the recommendations put forth by the New York City Health Department.

Hold your own.

If you don’t have a partner or don’t want to risk in-person contact, masturbation is the safest way to handle your sexual needs. Just be sure to wash your hands before and after, and don’t forget to keep your sex toys clean, dry, and properly stored at all times. If you’re not sure how to properly clean your pleasure devices, here is a quick run-down:

  • The easiest way to wash your sex toys is with mild soap and warm water because it’s safe for all materials and doesn’t require a lot of time and effort. Just wash the toy, pat it dry with a clean towel, and store it safely.
  • If you want to sterilize your toys, you can boil anything made of silicone, Pyrex, or stainless steel.
  • You can run sturdier sex toys through the dishwasher on the top rack. Just be sure to avoid using dishwashing detergents, as the chemicals could be too harsh for anything that touches your genitals.

Sex within the same household is safer. 

If you live with your partner or even a roommate with benefits, then you should be ok to have sex freely so long as neither of you is infected. Just be sure you are both taking the proper precautions any time you leave the house and avoid contact should one of you feel like you are getting sick.

Minimize your risk of transmission when having sex with a partner. 

Discuss your Covid-19 status.

Just as you would want to know about a potential partner’s HIV status, you should also know about their COVID-19 status. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner if they have symptoms or came in contact with someone who may be infected. It may sound like a mood killer, but everyone will be better off if you get this out of the way before making it into the bedroom.

Ask potential partners if they are sleeping with other people. 

You can significantly lower your risk of contracting or transmitting the virus by limiting your sexual partners. If one of you decides not to be exclusive for some reason, it is vital to have a conversation about that. If you’re ok taking the risk of sleeping with other people while you are sleeping with each other, that’s fine, but all parties should be empowered to make their own informed decision.

Know how Coronavirus spreads.

Doctors are still learning about how the virus is transmitted, but we know it spreads through saliva, mucus, and droplets we exhale when breathing. While it’s hard to control these things when you have intimate contact with someone, you can limit exposure by avoiding kissing or wearing a mask in more extreme cases. Experts have even suggested that people wear masks anytime they have sexual contact with someone outside their home. It may sound a little extreme, but if you are worried about contracting the virus, it can offer you an extra layer of protection.

Condoms and glory holes, oh my! 

If you want to be a little more adventurous than masturbating and sleeping with people in your immediate household, the New York City Health Department has some safety recommendations. You should still always use condoms to prevent the transmission of STDs. They also recommend sexual positions and “physical barriers” that allow sexual contact without partners being face-to-face. A few ideas would be doggy style and wait for it…gloryholes. Who would have thought we would see the day when the health department suggested gloryholes? What a time to be alive.

Get Tested.

Get tested for STDs as usual, and if you are currently sleeping with a partner outside of your immediate household, you should consider adding COVID-19 testing as well. While it’s imperative not to see anyone while you have symptoms, some people may be asymptomatic and unknowingly spread it to others.

Self-Quarantine After a Hookup.

While it’s essential to protect yourself during this pandemic, it’s crucial to protect those around you. You would probably feel pretty guilty if you caught COVID-19 from a hookup and passed it to an elderly relative or someone with underlying health issues. To avoid spreading the COVID-19 to loved ones, always self-quarantine for 14 days after a casual encounter.

For more information on how to protect yourself from COVID-19, visit the New York City Health Department and CDC websites.