Archaeologists have found early cave drawings of erotica, and the pillow books of feudal Japan are legendary for their explicit accounts of human sexuality. Some consider these early representations the genesis of porn. However, it’s much more than that if you look at the dating implications of it all.
Small Talk vs. Pillow Talk
Have you ever hooked up with someone only to find the sex was mediocre, and the chitchat was laborious? If once the sex is over, it’s followed by a quick “it was great to meet you, I’ll call you” as your hookup heads out the door, you can assume they won’t be back for more. You can always tell just how satisfied your new partner is by the amount and the quality of the pillow talk between you after your physical rendezvous is complete.
Pillow Talk Leads to Quality Hookups
Pillow talk after sex is all about adding a layer of emotional and intellectual intimacy in couplings that you want to go beyond one brief fluid exchange. When you hit it off with a new hottie and want to see them again, you tend to talk them up so you can gauge if your new friend shares the same enthusiasm for future hookups. The hope is that they’ll demonstrate an appreciation for the efforts you made to bring them to the pinnacle of erotic climax a few moments ago. So, if after sex a person sticks around to chat about their day, you can assume they’ll be coming back for more.
It’s worth noting that the kinds of things people talk about after sex hasn’t changed all that much in centuries. Sure, cavemen probably asked if their partner wanted to go on a hunt with them the next day, but that isn’t all that different from asking your hot hookup to meet you for lunch the next day. The underlying principles remain very much the same.
The Art of Pillow Talk
Suppose you and your new sex partner have spent a lot of time together outside of the bedroom. In that case, it can make it easier to say the right things in the heat of the moment, but if this was a quickie where you just exchanged some pics and videos before hopping into bed, and the only thing you know about them is that they REALLY like your mouth. It can become way easier to say something you shouldn’t have, and then the dance of trying to walk it back becomes a familiar one we all try to master.
Let’s Set Up The Scenario
It’s a Thursday night, and it’s raining outside. You check your Adult Friend Finder messages and see three possible hookups. After chatting with two of them, you decide that blonde with the fantastic butt is going to get lucky with you tonight. That’s when you agree to meet up for coffee, things go amazingly well, they tell you a lot of interesting things about themselves, and eventually, it turns into a trip back to your place.
You head into the bedroom for what turns out to be the best sex you’ve had in a while. An hour and a half of everything you hoped it would be. The kind of sex that makes the sheets feel exhausted. As you lay back and cuddle side by side, you happen to make a joke about doing it doggy-style, and as soon as the words leave your mouth, you remember your new friend telling you they recently lost their dog and have been posting signs around town looking for it. You can see your new playmate is far from pleased as they turn their back to you and start thinking about their loss.
What To Do When You Say Something Silly
As you catch your partner’s eyes in your closet mirror, they can see you aren’t smiling and start to feel nervous. The excitement in the room quickly evaporates, and your mind is racing. What do you say next?
Experts agree that honesty, transparency, and accountability are the key to quality communication. Follow these three steps, and you’ll be fine:
1 – Be Accountable
“Oh, wow, I’m sorry… I forgot, and I shouldn’t have said that.
2 – Be Honest
“I love my pets and I really do understand what you’re going through.”
3 – Be Transparent
“This night is going so great, and I’d love to see you again. Maybe I can help you find your dog? I’m pretty handy with Photoshop and would be happy to help you make some eye-catching signs we can put up around town together.”
Humor Turns Awkwardness Into Fun
If you ever do say something that doesn’t go over well, be willing to own it. Show your confidence with a bit of self-deprecating humor, and let your playmate know you don’t take yourself too seriously. Share your feeling that life is fun, you won’t hang on every word they say, and that it’s ok to occasionally float a line that doesn’t come off too well. Then move on to something more exciting and be done with it. There’s never a reason to stew in your embarrassment after saying something silly or make someone else think they can’t trust you enough to speak openly.
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