What Is Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex is about building a stronger, more connected relationship with your partner and incorporating that heightened connection into your sex life. The Sanskrit word tantra means to interweave, or web, energies, and this is precisely what tantric sex is meant to do. Tantra promises to mix sexuality with spirituality, increasing your understanding and awareness of each.
The main goal of tantric sex isn’t an explosive orgasm, though that is one of the most significant benefits—the goal is to strengthen the emotional bond between you and your lover. Tantra teaches you to let go of your hang-ups and concentrate on serving your partner and making them feel good. If you have chosen to practice tantra alone, masturbation becomes more of an adventure, and a journey of self-discovery.
So, what can tantric sex do for sexual and spiritual life? Is it good for everyone? Can anyone do it, or do you need to be an acrobat? Let’s discuss:
Who Can Benefit From Tantric Sex?
Anyone can benefit from tantric sex because you can tailor the teachings to your personal life and sexual struggles. Your gender, size, shape, age, orientation, or any other “hindrance” you can imagine can all benefit from tantric sex. In addition, you can use it to get to know yourself and your partner on a much deeper level than you ever thought possible. These are just some of the people who can benefit from tantra:
- People with sexual anxiety problems that hold them back from enjoying sex and orgasms.
- People with body anxiety who can’t see the beauty in themselves.
- People who happen to have penises that come to fruition too quickly, or not at all.
- Those searching for a deeper relationship with their partner and their orgasms.
- People looking to turn everyday sex into something spectacular.
- People with vaginas who have a problem maintaining adequate lubrication.
- Someone who has suffered sexual assault but wants to feel more comfortable in an intimate setting.
Tantric sex is not a cure-all for everyone’s ills, but it can completely change your sex life and how you see yourself as a sexual being. You begin to lose your feeling of independence during lovemaking and start to experience what it truly means for two to come together as one, again, whether that’s you and your partner or you and your inner self. For a beginner, it is essential to learn the basics of tantra before bringing them into your bedroom (or wherever you like to get it on).
Incorporating These Values Into Your Sex Life
Incorporating tantra into sexy-time takes mindfulness and a willingness to give up your ego, even for a short time, to please your partner and let yourself go so you can feel what you need to feel in the background of pleasure. First, you must involve the senses, creating a comforting and erotic setting, whatever that means for you.
The Setting
Where do you feel the most comfortable making love to your partner or yourself? Many beginners will start in the bedroom, as it is an already comfortable place that you are familiar with. Create mood lighting with candles or sheer scarves over lamps that work well for the particular ambiance tantric sex deserves (overhead lighting from a ceiling light isn’t very romantic nor flattering to anyone, no matter how attractive they are).
Clean sheets on a comfortable bed feel great against your skin, and your favorite scent, or some essential oils or scents from candles, can help you shut out the outside world and concentrate on paying attention to your partner. Then, once your setting has allowed you to relax, you can focus on getting closer to your lover.
The Practices Of Getting Closer
It can be difficult for some to look people in the eyes, especially for a period of time. While eye contact is communicative, it can also be intimidating, and make us self-conscious about what the other person sees. Many people who study tantra suggest having one partner sit on the other’s lap with their arms around each other and eyes locked together. If that isn’t comfortable, any position where you can place your bodies as close together as possible, with your arms around each other, while looking the other in the eye is perfect.
Remember, this isn’t the blinking game. You can close your eyes for a second if a feeling becomes overwhelming, and you can’t let it go, or your contacts are getting a little dry, and you feel the need to blink.
The purpose is to communicate your love without words. Show them how you feel with your eyes. Picture sending positive thoughts and energy through your eyes and into your partner. Build this trust.
Breathing and Meditating Together
Breathing is an essential part of tantric sex, just as it is in yoga, Pilates, or regular sex. But breathing together keeps you aware of each other at all times. It keeps you right there, mentally present to react and respond to your partner’s needs.
Breathing together will help you realize when you are going too fast and need to slow down. It is also a form of meditation that takes up your conscious mind so negative thoughts can’t find their way in.
Sensual Massage
An integral part of tantra is soft and pleasurable touching. Use massage oils or any other oils you prefer to touch yourself or each other. Pay attention to what you like, but more importantly, what your partner likes. You have looked into their eyes, and you have seen part of their soul. Can you now read what their eyes are telling you they want? Can you tell what they like, or don’t like, based upon the look on their face?
You make this about them, and they make this about you. So, you are not neglecting yourself by putting your full attention on them because their entire goal is to serve you. But, of course, if you are alone, THIS IS ABOUT YOU! So, pay attention to every sensation you feel and allow negative thoughts to slip through your fingers.
Sex, Maybe
These Tantric practices don’t always have to lead to sex, but when they do, it’s incredible. Remember to start slowly, paying special attention to your partner while feeling everything your partner does to you. Practicing tantric sex can give you the ability to not only slow yourselves down sexually, but it also gives you the mental capacity to slow down time, and pay attention to the details while not getting bogged down with them.
Edging is a great tantric practice to master, especially if your goal is longer and more satisfactory sex and orgasms. Edging is what happens when you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then slow down, so you can build yourself and your partner back up to it. With enough practice, you can do this over and over again, increasing the length of sexy-time exponentially. In time, you can have hot, amazing tantric sex for 7-HOURS straight like rock legend Sting.
Tantric Sex And You
Tantric sex slows everything down so that you can take it all in and increase your connection and trust with your partner. Concentrating on serving and pleasing your partner not only allows you to get to know them better, but it gives you insight into yourself, your goals, and what you want to feel.
You can also incorporate your particular kinks, such as BDSM, or choose not to have sex at all, but use the practice to enhance your relationship.
They say that a hug is almost useless unless you hold that hug for at least ten seconds. It’s the same for showing love with your partner. Cuddle for as long as you want, gaze into their eyes for hours and feel their body for days. Tantric sex is not a goal unto itself but a means to reach your own goals. And the literature on the subject is widely available for anyone who wants to incorporate these practices, and others not mentioned, into their lives.
Give it a try, and let us know how it goes in the member advice lines!
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