Common wisdom tells us that couples must sleep together in the same bed to maintain intimacy and a strong bond with one another. Co-sleeping with one’s partner is such a shared experience that most mattresses are designed with the capacity to manage the weight of two people. It seems that society is not ready to abandon the idea that couples should share a bed if they want to maintain a healthy relationship and a good sex life. However, new evidence suggests that sleeping in separate beds may lead to a better sex life and a more intimate relationship overall. Let’s explore this idea and the evidence behind it.
We All Need Some Alone Time
One of the underreported impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic is the loss of alone time. Quarantine orders came down in the first quarter of 2020, and everyone was suddenly faced with the reality of spending a lot more time at home with nowhere else to go. Couples soon discovered that they did not have the kind of alone time they may have previously enjoyed. The benefits of solitude were suddenly very much in danger, and couples began to appreciate the brief moments in the day that they indeed were alone. Some even started to view their bedtime routine as a space in time that they could take advantage of a cherished moment of peace.
Insidehook.com reports that couples choose to sleep in separate bedrooms as a personal lifestyle choice rather than as a sign of a relationship in trouble:
“Traditionally, we assumed that couples who slept apart were either having relationship issues or had lost the desire to be intimate,” says relationship expert Susan Winter. “Today, that’s not the case. We now see couples making lifestyle choices that work for them and their disposition.”
Just think about how busy the average person is today, and then consider how much harder it is to maintain that busy schedule without a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, that is the predicament that many people face when they feel pressured to sleep in the same bed as their partner due to social convictions. As a result, they may be losing out on precious shut-eye time to fulfill society’s standard set up for them.
A Changing Outlook On What Makes For A Healthy Relationship
Modern society is finally starting to challenge some of the predispositions that previous generations established regarding what makes for a healthy marriage. Instead of focusing on something superficial, like if the couple is sleeping in the same bed every night, many modern couples prefer to focus their energy on things such as:
- Communicating effectively with one another
- Willingness to be self-sacrificing for the benefit of their partner
- Making time in their day to do something thoughtful for their partner
- Setting aside time for intimate moments that are meaningful and passionate
Many considerations go into the modern equation of what makes a happy marriage. Instead of focusing so heavily on the decision to sleep in the same bed or not, couples opt to make choices that benefit their partners more fully.
Reasons Why Some Couples Choose To Sleep Separately
There are valid reasons why some happy couples choose to sleep separately at night that have nothing to do with their sex life. Think about all of the factors that go into getting a good night’s sleep, and then think about how those factors can be disturbed when sleeping in the same bed every night. Couples who report that they choose to sleep alone noted to the Huffington Post that there is a myriad of reasons to make this choice, including:
- A Preference For Different Temperatures – Maybe one partner sleeps a little cooler, and the other prefers to be bundled up. The struggle over getting the room’s temperature just right for optimal sleep is a battle that couples have engaged in for many years. They could choose to continue to do battle over the thermostat, or they could choose to sleep in separate rooms so they don’t disturb one another with their differences in temperature preferences.
- Pets In The Bed – Pets are lovely, no one disputes that, but they are also challenging to deal with when lying in bed with your partner. As cuddly and lovable as they are, they also take up room. You and your partner may find yourselves bending into pretzel-like shapes to allow pets and humans to all lie in the same bed together. It is not ideal, and it can significantly disrupt intimate moments.
- Snoring – It is always a challenge to sleep through someone else’s snoring. If one or both partners have snoring issues, sleeping in different beds might be the best solution. It won’t eliminate the snoring, but it will make it possible for everyone to finally get the sleep they need.
There isn’t a singular reason why all couples that sleep in separate beds make that choice, but these are the most commonly cited by those who have selected this option.
A Better Sex Life
Finally, we conclude that many couples who sleep separately also report that they have an improved sex life as a result of this choice. That’s right; they say they have seen an uptick in both the frequency and the quality of sex since they started to sleep separately. It turns out that getting more rest at night heightens one’s sex drive, leading to the possibility of having more frequent and more enthusiastic sex. If nothing else about sleeping apart has convinced you that it is a worthwhile option, then perhaps this will. You can have both higher quality sleep and higher quality sex when you choose to sleep apart as long as you communicate your reasons for doing so to your partner.
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